If You Can't Orgasm, "Female Viagra" Won't Help

No. Absolutely not. Not another pill.

This new pill -- the one that some people are very mistakenly called the female Viagra (because it's targeting the mental aspect, not the physical one) is a terrible, terrible idea.

Why?

First of all, because it's hardly effective. At all. "In three randomized, double-blind trials, women who took Addyi had between one-half to one more "satisfying sexual event" per month on average than women who took placebo pills."

Would you take a pill for headaches with that kind of track record? How about an antibiotic for an infection? Or a course of chemo? Hmmmm?

No. Of course not.

This is just another step in the "we don't want to really address the issue of why women aren't sexually satisfied" dance.

You want to know why women aren't sexually satisfied? It's because they are having procreative sex for recreation. It's because they are getting a little bit of the old "in and out" and not having orgasms because the old "in and out" doesn't lead to female orgasm. It's because they have been participating in the same activity hoping for a different result but not getting it. It's the definition of insanity. Ask Einstein.

If every time you went to the ice cream store, you ordered, waited in line, were handed your order, and had it taken away before you could taste it, how many times would you keep going back before you would finally lose interest in going out for ice cream?

Women have lost interest in sex because the sex they are having doesn't take their interests to heart.

Women come from clitoral stimulation.

Women come best from the blended orgasm.

Women don't come from vaginal penetration alone (at least not 90%+ of them...).

Every woman has her own ultimate orgasm.

Those are the facts. Women don't need a pill. They need their partners to pay attention to their clits and to commit to their pleasure. This is getting so tired.

If you want to lose weight, eat less and exercise more.

If you want to be more at peace, spend less time on your phone and more time with the people you love.

If you want to live longer, move your body and spend time in nature.

And if you want to facilitate female orgasm, stimulate her clit.

I don't know why we can accept this fact. I don't know why we aren't talking about it every time female sexual dysfunction comes up. I don't know why we have to act like we're so shy or embarrassed or ashamed. But I am so very over it.

Women are humans. Women are sexual. Woman are filled with desire. And -- news flash -- if they keep getting nothing but blue box and disappointment every time they have sex, they aren't going to have much interest in sex anymore.

Yes, depression and aging and hormones and lifestyle all play a part in female sexual dysfunction. But before we start diagnosing everything else, before we start prescribing a pill, let's get to a little truth-telling first. Let's ask the real questions, the hard questions --

What are you calling sex?

How are you having sex?

When are you having sex?

How much attention is really being paid to her pleasure?

Is her clit 100 per cent involved, 100 per cent of time?

Are you both cliterate?

As your resident lesbian sexpert I can tell you that lesbians don't focus on penetration. We use it to up the orgasm ante. That should be your first -- and the most important -- indication that clit stim is where it's at. Trust me on this, you have to get in there and figure out just what it is that makes a woman go wild and you have to let that be your guide. Forget porn. Forget the rom coms. Forget everything your older brother taught you.

It's not rocket science. It's sex. And if you're not doing it right, there's no reason she should be doing it with you at all.