The 2016 presidential election has become a circus. Between the schoolyard spitting contest that is the GOP primary and the surprisingly contentious battle for the top spot on the DNC ticket, this year's nomination cycle is truly one of a kind.
The candidates involved represent a rainbow of political stances and policy positions. But one belief that all in the running have in common is that pandering, if done right, can be an art form. And it turns out that many of the candidates have already turned to sports, specifically, to bond with (or beg) the voters.
So, at long last, here is the definitive brief history of how these potential future leaders of the free world have tried their hand at attracting the electorate via athletics.
Bernie Sanders Relies On The Bank To Get The Job Done | Feb. 9, 2016
While Senator Bernie Sanders has quickly become a nationwide sensation by shouting his outrage at our financial system and calling for the downfall of Wall Street, it seems that, he, too, relied on the bank for at least a moment on Tuesday night. The famously anti-big bank Sanders knocked some short jump shots off the glass while waiting for the New Hampshire primary results to roll in -- with Fox and CNN capturing every dribble along the way.
John Kasich Fires Off Free Throws, Fighting Words In New Hampshire | Oct. 23, 2015
A bizarre series of events went down on Oct. 23, somewhere in the heart of New Hampshire. After meeting several members of the Philadelphia 76ers at a hotel earlier that morning, John Kasich mocked the ramshackle team in front of his town hall audience while talking about American business that afternoon: "The reason why some of them make a lot of money is because they have skills," he began. "Not too many Sixers have had that many skills lately, but they do."
The team got word of the jab, and didn't take kindly to it, showing its displeasure in a quickly deleted tweet:
Meanwhile, Kasich was celebrating the end of his town hall on the hardwood, shooting hoops on a local court before his next event. It apparently took him a while to get warmed up -- missing his first few jumpers -- but eventually the governor of Ohio hit his stride, and was able to find his form and his sea legs in New Hampshire. Does that success trajectory remind you of anything?
He then tried to make nice with the 76ers, tweeting the following:
Marco Rubio's First Surprise Finish In Iowa | Aug. 17, 2015
At a "family picnic" in Iowa this past August, candidate Marco Rubio tossed around a football with a young boy -- you know, maybe a voter in the 2030 election cycle. And while the little kid couldn't make the catch, at least the Floridian threw a nice spiral. Clearly the senator knows exactly what he's doing with a football in his hands. The senator knows exactly what he's doing. The senator knows exactly -- oh, sorry for the repetition. We were just doing our best Rubio impression.
King Of Fantasy Football Jeb Bush Shows Off His Slow Pitch | July 4, 2015
Even before bragging about his fantasy football record at a primetime GOP debate back in October -- a boast that rival Chris Christie nailed him for only moments later -- Jeb Bush was putting his athletic prowess on full display. At a Fourth of July parade this past summer, the former governor of Florida proved that baseball genes run in the Bush family, executing a form-perfect pitch in front of a group of all-important Iowa voters.
Sadly, however, the pitch "clock[ed] in at an underwhelming 52 miles-per-hour" -- a subpar speed that some, perhaps, may see as symbolic of his entire campaign.
Chris Christie Gets In The Batter's Box Weeks Before Entering The Big Leagues | June 3, 2015
Before officially throwing his hat into the candidacy ring later that month, New Jersey governor Chris Christie showed off his, uh, fielding and batting skills in a charity softball game last June.
We'll let you, dear reader, decide if his lack of fluidity on the diamond foreshadowed his rocky presidential campaign, which was shuttered up just this week.
A Red, White And Blue Hillary Clinton Throws A Strike At Wrigley Field | April 4, 1994
Even before she was an elected official, then-First Lady Hillary Clinton was pitching in front of tens of thousands. Throwing a Chicago Cubs ceremonial first pitch from the stands on Opening Day of the '94 season, Clinton had the catcher back up to fully underscore the power of her arm.
Turns out, the secretary can throw.
With all eyes on her again in this race for the DNC ticket, we'll see if her 2016 pitch turns out as successful as her 1994 strike.
Trump Reportedly Lies And Cheats His Way To Success On The Green
The controversial candidate is known to be an avid golfer. But, according to some who have played with him in the past, Trump's also been known to cut corners on courses, sometimes taking the, er, less ethical route to ensure that he stays competitive. Again, we ask the question: Does this remind you of anything?
Actor Samuel L. Jackson once spoke about Trump's golf game on "Late Night with Seth Meyers," saying: "We clearly saw him hit a ball, hook a ball into a lake at Trump National in Jersey and his caddy told him, he found it."
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