The parable of the Unmerciful Servant (Matthew 18:21-35) argues for a understanding of forgiveness that involves accountability. For a lot of people, forgiveness can become a tricky proposition. How many times can you forgive a partner who is constantly engaged in philandering? How many times can you forgive that somewhat distant family member who is always selfish and only thinking about their own needs and desires? How many times do you forgive that friend who is always ready with the negative cutting remark that ends up being directed at you?
Most people would interpret any or all of the above examples as representing a hostile, toxic, environment. The rule of thumb when one considers appropriate self-care is that if you find yourself exposed to a lot of poison and negativity in other people, it’s best if you can extricate yourself out of the surroundings. Sometimes, this process is easier said than done.
I once knew a minister who was fond of saying to people:
‘‘ Be nice “
The only problem here is that this particular individual was anything other than “being nice. “Rather, instead, this person was highly manipulative, very envious of others and consequently presented as being not very genuine.
When Jesus talks about forgiving others as God would forgive us, is this advocating that we become a doormat for the bad behavior of others? No, I don’t think so. Jesus said “Your sins are forgiven, but there was also the admonition “go and sin no more. “ In other words, our motivation and behavior has to change. We must move from our reptile brain to the higher environs of the limbic system and the pre-frontal cortex.
But there will always be those who will want instant forgiveness, sort of like getting the long- desired burrito out of the microwave. Instant satisfaction, no guilt, nor remorse, complete satiety and then moving on to the next item of interest.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer called this “cheap grace “
Bonhoeffer wrote:
“ The sacraments, the forgiveness of sin, and the consolations of religion are thrown away at cut prices. Grace is represented as the Church’s inexhaustible treasury, from which she showers blessings with generous hands, without asking questions or fixing limits. Grace without price; grace without cost! The essence of grace, we suppose, is that the account has been paid in advance; and, because it has been paid, everything can be had for nothing. “Dietrich Bonhoeffer: Cheap Grace vs. Costly Grace | Caffeinated ...https://caffeinatedthoughts.com/.../dietrich-bonhoeffer-cheap-grace-vs-costlly grace
As I mentioned earlier, it’s painful to be with people who know no limits, whose greed and avarice is insatiable- “who want it all. “ The challenge becomes do you hang in there with individuals only to run the inevitable risk that you will be further exploited or do you say, with all due respect, enough is enough ?
Recently, a friend shared with me that they had allowed someone to stay with them temporarily who was suffering from emotional and psychological problems. The individual in question attempted to kill them self, and ended up hospitalized briefly. Subsequently, they were released and this person left the country.
My friend mentioned that there was a communication from this individual. This person decided to send my friend money to express their gratitude for the help that was extended to them.
Here is an example of grace no longer being cheap, but where gratitude and appreciation is communicated to those who extended forgiveness.
Yes, forgiveness is important but so is accountability.
The Greek word is Metanoia, turn around and do otherwise.
May it be so.