I moved to India some months ago for a job and my office is in the American Embassy. It’s a little oasis in the middle of Delhi where you can get your fill of small talk and smiles, if you’re into that sort of thing. I am. Goodness knows I owe it to my parents after all they spent on the braces that made my high school years just the right amount of gawky.
We do “how are yous” with little concern for the answer better than anyone. It makes me feel at home. These can get complicated. A certain amount of skill is required to get the timing right otherwise the risk of having to stop or change pace goes too high. It should ideally start when you and the other person are about 10 feet from each other. That’s a good time to lift your head and give a closed-mouth smile before transitioning into a gentle nod of the head. Keep looking down and take a moment to concentrate on where your feet are going. If that’s too dull try looking intensely at the scuff you couldn’t get off your shoes or something urgent on your phone. The point is to look friendly, but seriously engaged. When you’re five feet away, it’s time to look up again. Start with flashing your startlingly white teeth (we all know you used Crest Whitestrips last night), before launching into words. A simple “Hi, how are you” or the slightly friendlier “Heyyyy how’s it going” will work. This part of the conversation takes place when you’re three feet away from each other. The person will say something along the lines of “Doing great, thanks. How about yourself?” or squeak ”Awesome! You?”. The busier type will grunt a friendly “Good. You?” . You’re expected to grunt back quickly that you’re “Doing great”. The two of you will exchange one last smile before saying in sync, “Aw okay good!” and going on your merry ways.
This is not the time to be a stickler for grammar. “Doing real good” is a perfectly fine response. Remember you might not know this person but you’re friendly and casual enough with each other to jointly break the hearts of your former English teachers.
If you’re advanced, a short interaction like this could be an opportunity for some meaningful small talk. One woman and I were passing each other and after gauging the others’ skill level, we skipped the how-are-yous and got straight to the point.
When we were 10 feet away from each other she said “Heyyyy! That looks like a real nice iced coffee!” and I responded without a missing a beat with “Oh yeah, you know! It’s that kind of a day.” Then I took a sip of the iced coffee to emphasize that it was, indeed, ‘that kind of a day.’ She understood. She told me that she’d been there before. “Mmmm. We’ve all been there. Hang in there okaaaay? Keep on truckin’.” At two feet away, as we passed, I raised my coffee to her and told her that I was “sure gonna try my best.” (Again, note how unimportant grammar is here. We don’t care, we’re just friendly). We had our smile and I haven’t seen her since. I’m pretty certain if she hadn’t told me to, I might not have “kept on truckin’.”
And I did, but a few hours later the trials of being relatively new to a job wore me down. When I passed yet another acquaintance coming out of work, I forgot the rules. He asked how I was, and I accidentally blurted out the truth: I told him I was “okay” and that “things could be better.” He stopped. Stopped walking completely and stared at me with furrowed eyebrows and an open mouth. I stared back and neither of us blinked. We’re American and frankly we weren’t sure how to deal with this situation. It was uncomfortable. He tried to help, he gave a tentative prompt: “just...you’re just...okay?”
It was just what we needed. I remembered the rules and set us back on track: “No, no. I’m doing great.”
I grinned.
He grinned.
“There you go, that’s the right answer. That’s the one we like to hear.”
Yeah, I know. Have you watched the news? Us Americans are always doing pretty great.