Hi, my name is Cindy and I’m fat. As f*ck.
I’ve always been fat. Sometimes a little more and sometimes a little less but I’ve always been the ‘big girl.’
Growing up, I referred to myself in a multitude of ways — Chubby. Chunky. Fluffy. Thick. Phat (“Pretty, Hot and Thick”). I cringed any time someone referred to me as ‘big’, and ‘huge’ would set me off into a tailspin of self-hate and depression.
Because society and mainstream media told me, over and over and over again, that “the worst thing I could possibly be”… is fat.
So I called myself all these terms. I held onto them like a shield, like a life raft in the middle of the tumultuous storm I called my life, as an anything-but-thin girl and later an anything-but-thin woman trying to fit into a decidedly thin world.
I clung to “chubby,” “chunky” and “thick” for a very long time, because… Anything but fat, right?
The irony of it is that no matter what euphemism I called myself, everyone else still looked at me and saw me for what I was — fat.
Sure, I was and am many other things too — intelligent, witty, funny, honest, caring, kind, a good listener, a great friend, good at my job… But none of those mattered to the rest of the world.
Most of the world, anyway. Because I was, and am fat.
Despite all the ‘cute’ ways I described myself, all society saw was someone who didn’t fit in. Someone unwanted and undesired by them, and in turn them unmoved and unfazed by my choice of euphemism.
Calling myself ‘chunky’ and ‘thick’ and ‘phat’ didn’t change the fact that, to most of the world, I was still fat — the “worst thing anyone could possibly be”.
I’ve done the work — to learn to love myself, to unlearn what I was taught should be my reality and to slay the demons and insecurities I harbored for years.
I’ve done the work and I’ve learnt and I’ve grown and I’ve changed and I’ve realized… I no longer need a euphemism.
“I am fat. And beautiful and talented and intelligent and kind and caring and a bunch of other great and some not-so-great things.”
I no longer need to find “cute” things to call myself to shy away from the fact that I’m fat.
Because I am. Fat. Fat as f*ck.
And that is *NOT* the worst thing I could possibly be.
And I don’t need a ‘cute’ word to validate me.
My existence is not a euphemism.
I am not “chubby” or “chunky” or “fluffy” or “phat.” I am fat.
I am fat. And beautiful and talented and intelligent and kind and caring and a bunch of other great and some not-so-great things.
Me being fat, and claiming the word, owning it, does not take anything away from me.
Fat is not a swear word. It is not an insult. It is not “the worst thing anyone could possibly be.”
And the reality of millions of people across the globe.
Being fat is the mere state of being where I take up more space than the “average” person. Where I shimmy my hips and ass into a size 20 instead of a size 10 pair of jeans. Where I am bigger than “average.”
Where I may be softer and squishier and larger as a default but no less worthy of all the best things life has to offer than anyone else.
Where I am all the things that make me me… And I happen to be fat too.
Because I can lose weight and change my appearance and that would not make me any more important than I am right now.
Because I am fat, and I am just as deserving of love and respect and kindness and affection as every other person on this planet.
Because I don’t need to justify or camouflage my existence to make it more palatable for the rest of the world.
I am fat. And I refuse to dress that up to make it ‘prettier’ for you.
If you have a problem with that, with how unapologetic I am about my existence, with my weight, then it is exactly that — your problem.
Which has nothing to do with me, or my fat ass.
This piece was originally published on medium.com/@SugaryOblivion.
Find Cindy everywhere on the internet as SugaryOblivion. She blogs at sugaryoblivion.com.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.