As a frequent blood donor and a proud member of the Gallon Club, which has nothing to do with my weekend beer consumption, I have often wondered if the people who get my blood suffer from terrible side effects like telling stupid jokes and growing a mustache. And if, especially where facial hair is concerned, any of them have been women.
I gained some insight when I found out that the blood I donated recently had gone to New York-Presbyterian Hospital's Weill Cornell Medical Center.
The journey began during a blood drive at work, where a phlebotomist named Susan looked over my paperwork and asked what type of blood I have.
"Since I'm a newspaper columnist," I told her, "I should have typo blood."
"Are you positive?" she said.
"Actually, I am," I replied. "A-positive, though I like to call it A-plus because it makes up for the fact that I never got one in school."
Susan took my temperature and my blood pressure.
"Do I have a pulse?" I asked.
"Yes," she responded. "You are, technically, still alive."
"That means," said George, another phlebotomist, "you are a good candidate to give blood. Sometimes, being alive is all we require."
"Do you take any medication?" Susan inquired.
"I have a prescription for cholesterol medicine because my numbers used to rival the gross national product of Finland," I said. "And I take baby aspirin because I am, of course, a big baby."
"I can see that," said Susan, who drew blood from my middle finger (it was nothing personal against her) and performed a test indicating that my cholesterol level was normal, if such a word could be used to describe me.
Then it was time to roll up my sleeves.
"Which arm do you prefer?" asked a phlebotomist named Chris.
"Either is fine," I said. "It's a good thing I'm not an octopus or this could get really confusing."
"You have good veins," said Chris, who chose my right arm.
"My donations are in vein, but I hope they're not in vain," I noted as I proceeded to pump out a bag full of blood in a personal best 5 minutes 37 seconds.
"That's a good time," said Chris.
"That's because I had a good time," I replied, thanking Chris, George and Susan and heading home with the satisfaction of knowing I would be helping someone who needed blood.
I didn't know who he or she might be until I received an email saying that my donation had gone to New York-Presbyterian.
"Thank you for giving blood," Kathleen Crowley, manager of transfusion medicine and cellular therapy at Weill Cornell, said when I called to find out the identity of the poor recipient. "I can't say who got yours, but I can say that you met all the requirements of being a donor."
"We have very high standards and never lower them," said Dr. Cheryl Goss, assistant director of transfusion medicine and cellular therapy. "Otherwise, we wouldn't take you."
"Was my blood delivered in an armored car or did it get a police escort?" I wondered.
"Neither," Crowley said. "It was brought here in a delivery truck. You're important but not that important."
"Will the person who got my blood start telling stupid jokes and grow a mustache?" I asked.
"Contrary to popular belief," Crowley said, "your characteristics are not imposed on the person who gets your blood. If you like bananas, it doesn't mean that the recipient will start eating them."
"Unless the recipient is a chimpanzee," I said. "Then it would be a chimp off the old block."
"We haven't received a letter saying that a patient had an adverse reaction to your blood," Dr. Goss assured me.
"Your donation is much appreciated," Crowley said. "And the world is safe from one more practical joker."
Stamford Advocate columnist Jerry Zezima is the author of "Leave It to Boomer." Visit his blog at www.jerryzezima.blogspot.com. Email: JerryZ111@optonline.net.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.