As I have done for approximately the past 6 years of my life, I retrieved my visibly worn copy of Jaime Sams and David Carson’s book Medicine Cards from the bookshelf. I then proceeded to examine my equally worn deck of cards accompanying the book and asked the universe to guide me to the card that would reveal what I needed to know most about myself in that moment. The card that made itself known to me was Moose.
The Teaching Revealed
Here is a quote from the Sams and Carson book summarizing the teachings of Moose:
“Help me honor the gifts I can give and recognize my worthiness long as I live.”
Paraphrasing Sams and Carson, Moose helps us celebrate and communicate our achievements and strengths to others, not in a boastful or egotistical way, but with a sense of pride. In the process, it is imperative that we acknowledge those individuals that have helped us along the way.
Celebration and recognition are keys to developing our own self-worth as well as our belief that we can truly make a positive impact in the world after catastrophic loss.
A Challenging Task
From my own experience, it was difficult to acknowledge my own self-worth in the early phase of grief, following my eighteen-year-old daughter Jeannine’s death in March of 2003 due to cancer. I constantly questioned whether I did enough to help her address the challenges of her disease. All of the “what ifs” and “should haves” that I ruminated about after her death prevented me from discovering my self-worth. It also took time to redefine what my true self-worth was, in a drastically changed world .
Discovering Our True Gifts
Sams and Carson suggest doing an exercise to apply the teachings of Moose Medicine to our own lives. As an aside, Sams and Carson explain that medicine in the Native American way is
“ Anything that improves one’s connection to the Great Mystery and to all of life.”
The exercise involves writing down all of the things that you value about yourself and your progress in life. I did this exercise and entered my discoveries in my journal, pictured here:
Here is some of what I wrote about myself, in no particular order:
I am present for the stories of others affected by loss.
I am a good father/husband.
I am willing to explore any and all perspectives that will increase my awareness.
I strive to see in others what I see in myself, both the good and the bad.
In total, there are 9 self-worth statements present in my journal. I could complete this activity again in the immediate future and have a totally different perception of what I value about myself. Does that mean that I have renewed doubt about my self-worth? No, it just means that my perspective of self-worth has evolved.
As a further aside, Crow has long been one of my most significant totem or spirit animals. As we continue to transform after loss, other animals will make themselves known to us. The teachings they reveal ,more often than not, prove to be timely in facilitating ongoing clarity and awareness. These other animals may also complement the teachings of our primary totem animals. For me, there was some synchronicity between the teachings of Crow and Moose. Crow Medicine helped me to become aware of the role of my past in shaping my present and future after loss. Moose reminds me that examining my past early grief helps me to discover and appreciate my self-worth in the present and in the future.
It is imperative to self-validate the gifts that we have discovered about ourselves. If we are unable to do this ,we cannot validate the gifts of those who grace our path after loss, or at any time in our lives. Self-validation can be done without ego. We can also communicate our self-worth to others without being bombastic or self- serving.
After discovering our true gifts, we communicate them to individuals who mirror the common values that we share. We also communicate that what we see in ourselves, we see in them. Focusing on our strengths of character empowers us to discover those same strengths with individuals who come from all walks of life. This allows us to witness more similarity than differences with those individuals who grace us with our presence, regardless of their cultural background or beliefs. As a result, our support network grows not only quantitatively but also qualitatively.
As well as attracting like-minded individuals whose support can facilitate our growth and awareness after loss, Moose Medicine can also help us attract like-minded individuals whose shared pain is a gateway to hope.
“The deepest level of communication is not communication, but communion. It is wordless ... beyond speech ... beyond concept.”
Thomas Merton
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