There is an aspect of education that is missing when your childhood is sheltered by four brick walls and a steeple. Inside, all knowledge is filtered by a certain set of rules and expectations, and nothing is allowed to pass through the row of glass doors that does not conform to the road declared to be both narrow and hard to find.
It’s not that my private school education wasn't excellent. I learned Latin when many kids my age did not, which has many significant advantages that have served me well, including ease in expanding vocabulary and studying certain languages. We read from selected classic literature, Mathematics classes were rigid and rigorous. We were encouraged to read, although our choices were limited by morality. In addition we of course knew the Bible inside and out, at least the approved version and the scriptures that aligned with the culture the church and school were trying to promote, a sure way to dominate certain trivia and Jeopardy categories.
Creationism and the young earth were presented as facts, the Bible as the ultimate source for all knowledge about history, science, archaeology, and even math. The King James Version was the only approved text, and we were required to memorize huge sections of it precisely. Questioning the presented facts was not tolerated, nor was doubt in any aspect of faith. Not only did this rigidity affect my childhood, but it carried into things I had to overcome as I matured into adulthood.
Sin and Sinners Were Both Evil
Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.
-Psalm 1:1 King James Version
While we were often told to love the sinner, hate the sin we were encouraged to stay away from certain people. Top on the list were gays, heterosexuals who were promiscuous, those who swore, drank, or smoked tobacco. Anyone who tried drugs, ever, was to be quickly ostracized.
A couple of students committed the ultimate sin: she got pregnant, he admitted to being the father. Both were removed from the church and school after being forced to issue a public apology. Their parents were seen as having failed to control them sufficiently, since somehow they were able to fornicate without their knowledge.
Essentially the only people we were encouraged to hang out with were those almost perfect, like faculty and staff, and students who were striving for such perfection, “chasing after the prize” according to the Apostle Paul. Anyone who fell short of those standards or rebelled was to be quickly removed from your contacts.
As I got older and got a job outside the safety of the church-fort, I began to understand those sinners were real people, flawed just like I was, and pretty cool to hang out with. And that was the other problem. I always felt like one of the sinners, the ones people around me should not be hanging out with. So I kept my “sins” secret, along with the fact that I never felt worthy. I was a pretty lonely kid.
Fear was the Reason to be Good
Our motive to behave was fear: not of our parents, although there was that. Corporal punishment was not only sanctioned, but encouraged. We were afraid of two things: what God might do to us (he was always watching, like Santa), and being ostracized. We feared if we died in some freak accident, and at that moments our hearts were not right with God, we might miss heaven and end up in hell. Hell was a place not only described as real but horrifying and filled with torture and pain for eternity.
The other fear was being removed from the church and our friend group. We feared what others might think of us, and what that judgement might mean for our relationships. Parents distanced themselves from children, friends were lost, and those who knew better but “gave themselves over to temptation” anyway were no longer welcome.
Despite how fun the outside world looked (a sure trick of the devil), being out there on your own without the protection of the church and the blessing of God was seen as horrifying. As I grew out of this, I discovered not only that the world outside the church was a much better place than where I had lived up until that point, but also the Bible the church so leaned on wanted me to be there, as a “shining example to others.”
Rejection of the Church was Rejection of God
Perhaps the most devastating thing my education taught me was that the Church was equal with God. The building was his ordained place, the people were chosen by him to “guide us into the path of righteousness.”
The fact that an institution equated itself with perfection and as a place that had the answers to all of life’s questions seems arrogant. But the church would not actually say that. Rather, they would declare they did not have all the answers while at the same advocating that the Bible and prayer would reveal and provide those they could not. Where should you pray and read the Bible? At church, of course.
The Dangerous Results
Rebels vs. Robots The two primary products of this type of education are robots and rebels. The robots conform to the rules without question, often for life. The rebels fall into two categories: those who leave the church or at least ask questions, and come back with a new understanding of the world and how the church should really interact with it; and those who leave the church and never really look back.
“Secular Help” is Bad Any help that does not include religion or Christianity as part of the solution is bad. Therefore traditional counseling, meditation, hypnosis, and in some cases even medical help not provided by Christians or sanctioned by the church is potentially evil.
“It opens you up to all kinds of influence,” one pastor told me. “You have to be careful who you give the keys to your mind to, and how much you open up to outsiders.”
It Wasn’t A Cult
Does this all sound like the behavior of some wild cult? It wasn’t. Both churches and schools I attended were conservative Baptist, and one was and is prominent and respected in Arizona. Things there may have changed in some ways since I graduated. I don’t know. I do know some of the graduates have changed, and others remain in the same rut.
What Would Make it Better?
I hate to point out a problem without pointing out some kind of solution. Private education certainly has its place, especially considering the dismal shape the public schools in many states are in. And not all of the aspects and outcomes of my education were negative. Here are some ways it could have been better, and perhaps even changed the negative outcomes.
Encourage Kindness instead of Judgement/ The same pastor who told me not to open myself up to harmful influences often said, “if two people are identical, one of them is unnecessary.” Having your own moral code or set of ethics is acceptable and even admirable, expecting others to toe the same line you do is not only impracticable but implies an unrealistic sameness.
Encourage Questioning instead of Blind Acceptance. Questioning strengthens belief in facts while bringing to light opinions not grounded in truth. This is good for both parties: it prevents the robotic response of following rules simply because they are there and prevents the broader rebellion response by revealing evidence for reasonable beliefs that should be preserved.
Encourage Goodness through Positive Reinforcement Rather than Fear. If you need the threat of hell or some kind of punishment to be a good person, you are probably already not a good person. Encouraging kindness, compassion, and morality as a lifestyle that produces the greatest good for yourself and those around you aligns with the Golden Rule already advocated by the church anyway.
Expand Education to Include The World Outside the Church. When constructing a course for International students, Jay Halfond of Boston University talks about students tendency to stick with those from their own culture while they study here, and thus miss the chance to truly get to know America. “My goal is for students to form their own impressions and conclusions, rather than imposing mine,” he writes for the Huffington Post. “I encourage them to identify subjects that are striking in their uniqueness and contrasts to their own home country.”
Leaving the church was much like entering another country. I was taught that the people who lived there were hostile and dangerous, infected with a contagious disease of intellect which made them opposed to the place i had come from and all it stood for. Had I been educated on what was actually there, I would have been much better prepared to enter that country, interact with its inhabitants, and yet retain my own spiritual identity.
More often than not, those like me who left the church in a state of rebellion never look back. That describes me. I am not an atheist, not really an agnostic, but certainly no longer a Christian or a Baptist in any way the church I fled would recognize.
My mom being a Christian school teacher and my constant immersion in the church did affect my childhood and how I dealt with things as I grew into adulthood. But it no longer defines who I am. For that, i am thankful.
You can find more of Troy's work at troylambertwrites.com.