My Somewhat Inappropriate Travel Blog...A Love Note to London.

I had that donut neck thing.

I had some red wine.

A nice flight attendant snuck me a cheese plate from business class.

So I almost enjoyed the 10 hour flight.

When we got to London we immediately went to a Cathedral.

I like to drag my husband to churches.

It's one of the ways I torture him.

We went to St Paul's, where Princess Diana got married.

The last time I visited St Paul's I saw hundreds of people riding bikes.

Naked.

I asked some blasé Brit why people were showing their bits.

He said...it's the Queen's birthday.

So they celebrate the 91 year old monarch with a naked bike parade.

I don't remember seeing that in The Crown.

I took a discreet photo on my phone and tweeted it.

Twitter deleted it.

Apparently it was pornography.

British bits may appear larger on an iPad than they did on my iPhone.

This time people were wearing raincoats.

It is London.

The food is good now.

But the weather still sucks.

But I love it.

I love Westminster Abbey, where Will and Kate got married.

I dragged my husband to that church too.

It's surprising that we're still married.

Since this is allegedly a travel blog I will tell you we stayed at a hip hotel called the Citizen M.

We had a view of The Tower of London, where they used to execute people.

Henry the 8th had two of his six wives killed there.

Our room was small.

Our bathroom was smaller.

Still we didn't kill each other.

We didn't spent much time in the room.

We walked so many miles it was like a treadmill vacation.

But I ate my weight in scones.

As for restaurants I recommend Hakkasan (hip Chinese) Bucco di Lupo (best bread ever) and Bar Boulud (Harrods adjacent, so you can shop then drink or drink then shop).

Speaking of drinking...

So many Pubs, so little wine.

They’re big beer and gin drinkers.

A few favorites are The Sanctuary Room (Westminster Abbey adjacent...had to promise the husband that church came with a beverage. And not just the Communion wine.)

And you should have champagne at The Shard.

Unless fizzy makes you dizzy. It's the tallest building in Europe.

To sober up I recommend a visit to Parliament.

We listened to a Brexit discussion.

The bill was refered to as a sows ear.

Which sounds almost polite when the Brits say it.

We spent an hour in the House of Commons.

Then went to Buckingham Palace.

Where there are 78 bathrooms.

Yet we commoners are forced to use porta potties.

Speaking of potties...

We went to a concert at Hyde Park.

It was pissing rain during Shaina Twain.

Afterward I was in the endless ladies room line.

And some bloke showed me the brave birds who were using the Gents room.

I followed them.

I averted my eyes from the bits at the urinal.

And saved an hour of my life.

The tube saved us hours in traffic.

We rode the District Line many times.

That’s where the bomb went off.

I keep thinking about the people who ride that line.

People who were happy to help hapless tourists.

I keep thinking of the chirpy woman who says: This is a District Line train to Wimbledon.

And the less chipper man who says: Mind the gap between the train and the platform.

Apparently there are worse things in the underground than the gap.

We could have been on that train.

We were there a few days ago.

I have nothing but lovely photos and memories of London.

Well...that and a small bruise.

On our way home we took the tube to Heathrow.

I stood up too soon when the train was moving and fell on my backside.

I immediately wanted a tee-shirt that said I broke my bum in London.

Today all I want is for people in London to not feel broken.

Mine is a small bone bruise.

Their hurt may go deeper.

We got home a few days ago.

I’m praying that in a few days all will be back to (the new) normal in London.

And just in case anyone is at all concerned about my ass...

The flight home was 11 hours of advil, wine and whining.

That donut neck thing came in handy again.

I sat on it.