It’s one thing to be introverted because we’re naturally a bit reserved, reflective… just, more quiet.
It’s quite another thing for a child to be shy because they’re afraid to speak up (“I might get criticized”) or they lack confidence (“I don’t have anything smart to say!”).
When a child feels shy, that’s a lonely place to be — and as a parent, it’s your job to do what you can to help your child build confidence.
Here are 6 simple ways to start:
1. Let your child finish his or her sentences.
Many well-intentioned parents like to jump in while their child is speaking, offering good thoughts and ideas — essentially finishing their child’s sentences for them.
This doesn’t help your child’s confidence (“I guess what I’m saying must not matter or be interesting.”) After your child has finished their sentence, then by all means, share your insights and ideas.
It happens. A lot. You may be excited about what your child is saying, and filled with ideas to share. So you butt in, while your child’s in mid-sentence. If you do that enough times, your child is at risk for withdrawing (“I guess mom’s ideas are more important than mine.”)
It’s almost a guarantee that if your child knows they will be criticized, they will keep a tight lip. Makes sense. (“Why speak if what I say will get shut down.”) And parents often wonder why, when they ask their child a question, the answer is: “I dunno.”
It’s natural for children to want to share, especially with people whom they trust.
If your child feels that sharing with you is “safe” (i.e., they won’t get criticized or interrupted, and they can take their time to finish their sentences), watch them open up. Watch their personality begin to blossom.
I can’t emphasize this enough: validate your child when he or she says something that’s praise-worthy. We all love compliments. And when we get them, it feels so good that we want more. Which means we’re motivated to keep doing whatever earned us the praise in the first place. That’s a great confidence-builder.
6. Do a self-examination.
Where are you on the shy scale (10 = confident; 0 = super shy?) Are you role-modeling shy behavior for your child? If yes, take steps to remedy that. For your sake, and for your child.
If it feels right, you may want to start with self-help or if you want to expedite things, you might consider consulting a professional (for yourself, and possibly even for your child.)
These tips can help you give your child the gift of shifting from shyness to confidence. Of course there are many other scenarios and reasons for why a child might be shy, and many other fixes. But this is a start. The goal? That your child enjoy a happy, healthy childhood which equips him or her for a happy, confident life… as a grown-up.
Suzanne Gelb, PhD, JD, is a clinical psychologist, life coach, and author. She believes that it is never too late to become the person you want to be: Strong. Confident. Calm. Creative. Free of all of the burdens that have held you back—no matter what has happened in the past.
Her insights on personal growth have been featured on more than 200 radio programs, 260 TV interviews and online on Time, Forbes, Newsweek, Psychology Today, NBC's Today, The Daily Love, Positively Positive, and much more.
To learn more, visit DrSuzanneGelb.com.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always contact your qualified health provider before implementing or modifying any personal growth or wellness program or technique, and with any questions about your well-being.
Copyright © 2017 Dr. Suzanne Gelb, All rights reserved.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.