The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant -- but succinct -- wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week's great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
I would say I hope I look like @JLo when I grow up but that would mean I have to age backwards.
— CORINNE FISHER (@PhilanthropyGal) April 5, 2016
I'm coming out with my own lip kit just like @KylieJenner ! It's just a little marinara in a paper cup!
— Aidy Bryant (@aidybryant) April 5, 2016
I'd love to go to sleep now but I have to make it until midnight just in case of Beyoncé.
— Taryn Finley (@_TARYNitUP) April 4, 2016
Shorter alumni magazine: every guy you ever made out with or had a crush on is now married to a woman 3 years his junior. She took his name.
— Chloe Angyal (@ChloeAngyal) April 5, 2016
It's not whether you win or lose; it's whether someone saw.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) April 4, 2016
Every time the guy in front of Trader Joes asks me to support gay rights I say, "sorry I'm already gay."
— Jillian Gutowitz (@jillboard) April 4, 2016
if you can successfully put a piece of plastic wrap on a bowl without the whole thing clinging to itself honestly you are gifted
— Jessica Samakow (@jsam1126) April 8, 2016
But more importantly, which male comedians are plus sized?
— Jena Friedman (@JenaFriedman) April 8, 2016
Lululemon sounds like it's the name of the basic white girl of the Pokemon world
— Heben Nigatu (@heavenrants) April 1, 2016
I'm on Pinterest looking at no-churn ice cream thinking that if you don't want to churn your ice cream just fucking buy it?
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) April 8, 2016
Facebook "On This Day" is great to look at if no one you know has ever died and you have literally zero regrets.
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) April 7, 2016
I just wanna know .... HOOOOWWW?!!!!!!!!!!!!?????! pic.twitter.com/8DrGcFsBBl
— rihanna's back (@channneeell) April 3, 2016
"Nipples killed my parents, and I'll be damned if anyone else should ever have to see those murderers again" -the founder of Instagram
— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) April 5, 2016
I need a burner phone just to have one to dramatically fling off bridges as a cinematic afterthought
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) April 7, 2016
I just wanna date someone who makes me feel the way I feel when the delivery guy rings the doorbell
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) April 5, 2016
Cake by the ocean > Sex on the beach
— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) April 7, 2016
whenever i read historical novels i am tortured by the thought that the heroine probably never had an orgasm
— didi (@priya_ebooks) April 5, 2016
Yes, there are classes where you learn how to become a funny person. It's called middle school.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) April 6, 2016
I was going to go out tonight but the wine bar's doorway is too narrow to accommodate my bed.
— Manda LikeCatsOK? (@Manda_like_wine) April 7, 2016
Sorry I can't come to your party. The one shirt I feel cute in is dirty; there's literally nothing I can do.
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) April 1, 2016
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.