The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant -- but succinct -- wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week's great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Curse words as a concept are hilarious. Like one day someone made a sound with an attitude and everyone LOST THEIR SHIT.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) May 16, 2016
Live on the edge for once. Insinuate that a woman is lying.
— Dorky Romano (@paperphotoyo) May 17, 2016
The best use of my liberal arts education so far has explaining to a Canadian what a "lax bro" is
— Jazmine Hughes (@jazzedloon) May 14, 2016
I will never allow myself to be watched! I believe in freedom!
— Lisabug BBQJones (@Lisabug74) May 16, 2016
*clips on Fitbit and allows GPS location on phone
Dating multiple people is a fantasy all 20 somethings have before they realize everyone is terrible
— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) May 15, 2016
*hears suspicious noise in backyard, is too lazy to get up & investigate*
— Marta Effing Ketchup (@MartaEffing) May 17, 2016
*smells cookies baking at neighbors house, immediately goes over*
Relationship status: I view this guys profile on Linked In then he views mine.
— Kelley (@youlooklikeamom) May 17, 2016
I love pap smears because you're just sitting there, chatting about the weather, pretending someone's hand isn't inside your vagina.
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) May 13, 2016
ER Doc: *Applies burn dressing to my leg* What happened again?
— The Eh Factor (@AngelaEhh) May 17, 2016
Me: I thought I felt a spider.
Did you know that having more than 30 cats means you're not single anymore?
— AlexaMac Brandes (@TheWoodenslurpy) May 14, 2016
I never knew my son was 80 years old until he told me to text our neighbor because "his leaves are getting on our lawn."
— Sarah (est. 1975) (@est1975blog) May 14, 2016
How to do a juice cleanse:
— Kathleen Schmidt (@Bookgirl96) May 18, 2016
Buy juice
Look at juice in fridge
Go get coffee
The End
Girl: Politicians are telling me what I can do with my body.
— Nina Bargiel (@slackmistress) May 18, 2016
Guy: BUT AN ALL GIRL GHOSTBUSTERS!!!!!!!
Social media in the last couple weeks has really given me a sense of what it's like to have bad seats at a Beyonce concert.
— Linda Holmes (@nprmonkeysee) May 18, 2016
*opens Twitter*
— Emma Gray (@emmaladyrose) May 18, 2016
*reads something about the election*
*has a mild panic attack*
*goes back to watching Netflix*
*repeat*
Why the fuck was I CC'd : The story of my 9-5.
— Dootsie Bug (@dootsiebug) May 17, 2016
I need to be able to sing the line "who runs the world" and immediately hear "girls" or honestly I don't feel safe in that space
— Stephanie Mickus (@smickable) May 16, 2016
[very white man voice] What if I don't want MY LITTLE GIRL to have to go to into a bathroom where a prejudiced bigot could just WALK in
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) May 19, 2016
My version of a continental breakfast is Prozac and birth control
— Rachel Bloom (@Racheldoesstuff) May 20, 2016
When you find a strikingly long hair behind your knee that your first Venus evidently missed and just fell through the cracks for 15 years
— Amanda Duberman (@AmandaDuberman) May 18, 2016
Being a feminist doesn't mean you hate men, it means you can walk through walls and can never die
— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) May 20, 2016
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