The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant -- but succinct -- wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week's great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
If a woman wears a ponytail holder on her wrist at all times that means she's always down to pull her hair back and fight you.
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) June 20, 2016
just *how* many babies had to be thrown out with the bathwater before that became a saying, do you think?
— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) June 20, 2016
good morning.
A spider just crawled into my bag of chips and I have never felt more vengeful, I paid $3 for those you small villain, and this means war
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) June 20, 2016
If your pet doesn't have an Instagram account, how can we be sure you really have one?
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) June 21, 2016
i may not be welcome at this barnes and noble anymore but you know what? it was worth it pic.twitter.com/SzGckFzefU
— victoria (@theblowout) June 20, 2016
For 5 bucks I'll comment "I'd hit that" on the pic you posted of your dad. Lemme know.
— Erica (@SCbchbum) June 19, 2016
Y'all heard about the haunted house that's just a human standing in a room saying they care about you & sincerely asking you to be with them
— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) June 23, 2016
I have more Twitter followers than the @NRA
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) June 20, 2016
Rollover minutes but for naps
— Heben Nigatu (@heavenrants) June 24, 2016
Text message: ALERT: You have used 90% of your cellular data this mon--
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) June 21, 2016
Me: *screams* YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE
The secret to happiness is getting a good parking spot according to how hard people try in the Whole Foods lot.
— Ali Spagnola (@alispagnola) June 21, 2016
of all the fake charges to find on my credit card statement why did it have to be $66.11 to the NATIONAL RIGHT TO LIFE COMMITTEE?!
— Johanna Barr (@JohannaBarr) June 21, 2016
life hack: if you cry in your uber pool they don't pick anyone else up
— hot car gatorade szn (@allstn) June 21, 2016
I like old guys because they grew up without the internet and don't expect as much weird shit in bed
— kristen (@kristendrum) June 22, 2016
I want guns to be as hard to purchase as both Hamilton tickets and a real life sighting of Beyoncé combined. #NoBillNoBreak
— kylie sparks (@kyliesparks) June 23, 2016
Just wanna get famous enough for people to screenshot tweets of me contradicting myself
— Lauren Duca (@laurenduca) June 22, 2016
“It Was On Sale and I Had a Coupon” -A Memoir
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) June 22, 2016
Dear Sir, you are texting frequently with my friend. Please send a current selfie asap for my evaluation. All the best, Women.
— Allison Raskin (@AllisonRaskin) June 22, 2016
Downside of #Brexit is global economic collapse but upside is I just bought a castle
— sarah_haskins (@sarah_haskins) June 24, 2016
I heard House Democrats played spin the bottle last night at their slumber party, now Speaker Ryan is all pissed because he wasn't invited.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) June 23, 2016
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Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
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