I never really knew my natural hair. I wore a short cut most of my life and only started growing out my hair senior year of secondary school. It was in cornrows most of the time.
A week after graduation from secondary school, I relaxed my hair. I felt so grown up and mature. I considered it my passage into adult territory. However, I didn’t like it straight as much as I thought I would. I felt it made my face devoid of my unique personality but I didn’t know any better so I kept relaxing.
As the years wore on, between stylists and self-relaxing experiments, my hair started breaking off and eventually plateaued at shoulder length for well over a decade.
Salon Nightmares
There were many but three stuck in my mind because of how awful they were:
I was referred to a popular stylist after taking out braids. He said I had a lot of undergrowth that needed to be “really” relaxed so he left a relaxer on my head for 40 minutes and yanked a tail comb through it viciously the entire time. By the time he was done, there were great big sores on my head, and I had a raging headache for several hours afterwards. Still I relaxed…
I wanted a quick wash and set in a new city so I went to a salon next to my office. They recommended relaxing and trimming my hair. I said it wasn’t necessary; just the wash and set. The stylist and the owner then began to argue with me and insisted on relaxing and trimming my hair. The stylist stood over me with a pair of scissors and for a second I thought she would stab me if I didn’t let her do what she wanted. Eventually, my stubbornness wore them down and they put the scissors away. I left the salon a tad convinced there were several relaxed women buried under their floorboards because they refused a trim. Still I relaxed…
After moving to another new city, I went to a salon for a touch up. She recommended a new product I’d never heard of but she was regularly booked so I figured I was in good hands. She relaxed my hair for up to 30 minutes then applied heat. When I woke up the next morning, the tips of my hair felt like someone had sealed it with cooking oil and set fire to it. Dry, crispy and so crunchy! I ended up having to trim several inches. Still I relaxed….
The Epiphany
After reading loads of rave reviews about a new salon, I booked an appointment. When I arrived, I met the owner and she seemed very knowledgeable with “27 years experience” and everything. I felt comfortable.
Unfortunately, the relaxer didn’t take, which I was fine with but the owner insisted she could fix it. She spent the next two hours blow-drying and flat ironing my hair to within an inch of its life. They added all kinds of serum and straightening crap. When it was over, my hair looked like cotton wool and floated over my head like some kind of halo. I didn’t care. I just wanted to get away from the salon.
When I woke up the next morning, there was hair all over my pillow. Hair continued falling out steadily over the next two weeks, and I started developing thin patches.
I was done.
I figured whatever was going to come out of my head couldn’t be worse than having my scalp set on fire every time I went to a salon.
I Googled the phrase, “what happens to your hair if you don’t want to relax anymore,” and things took off from there.
The Day I Met My Natural Hair
The decision to go natural was easy. The decision to remain natural was easy. In between, I had no idea what I was doing. I was just so happy to be free of relaxers so I wore my limp, dead hair in buns in the interim, while transitioning to natural hair.
About 4 weeks after my last relaxer, I stood in front of my bathroom mirror pulling up my hair into a bun as usual, then saw something around my edges. I leaned closer into the mirror and inspected further. It was little wisps of natural hair - curly, strong and springy. My hair, and it was free of chemicals.
I fell in love in that moment and we’ve been together ever since. I have a million textures from 3C - 4B and sometimes, it’s a challenge finding the patience to get it together in the morning when I’m in a hurry but no matter the frustration, it has never occurred to me to relax again.
This is my hair; the way I was born with it and I’m happy with it. I am free…
Abi Faniran is the author of Grow Your Hair Healthy & Long with Natural Oils and The Ultimate Hair Growth Guide: Stop Hair Loss, Regrow Bald Spots & Fill Out Thin Areas of Your Scalp.
