Oh Roobbbb!
Have you recently wondered how it is that “Rob” (Dick Van Dyke, many years Mary Tyler Moore’s senior) is still here when Mary Tyler Moore has “left the (mortality) building”? Me too!
And oh, Mary Tyler Moore! You good woman, now back in heaven, you! Can we offer you enough thanks?
Maybe we can try. Thanks, MTM, from me and from just about every woman I know who grew up in the ‘60s and ‘70s whose life intersected with yours. You were a role model for Michele Obama, who has said that “The Dick Van Dyke Show” was her all-time favorite show. You paved the way for Katie Couric, Oprah, and countless other journalists. You encouraged my friend Ellen who was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. She credits you and your beautiful smile with giving her “confidence and hope.” My friend MaryLou hung a big “M” on her wall in college in because of you. For other friends like Cini, Marcia, Lisa, Jenny, Betsy and likely millions of other women, you were a source of inspiration.
We know, you weren’t really the characters you played in “The Dick Van Dyke Show” or “The Mary Tyler Moore Show.” But you also kind of were, right? I mean, your kind/gracious/quirkiness/unapologetic femininity blended with vulnerability but also determination that tried not to offend but still got the job done ― that really was sort of you, wasn’t it? We know you because we knew them ― Laura Petrie and Mary Richards. You, you! (I’m now virtually grabbing you by the angel lapel ― -or whatever you wear up there exactly.) Do you know specifically what you did for us?
For starters, your Laura Petrie reminded us that a good, loyal, pure marriage could be a playful and lovely thing, and that being home with a focus on family was not only more than OK, it could also be adorable and fun.
And, if we wanted to begin adulthood with an out of home career, or if need be, never leave one, your Mary Richards equally enlivened us. Her example encouraged us to work hard, take education seriously, and and do whatever dang thing we wanted to do, even singularity be darned. Being single was not only OK, you made it look fantastic (of course you made countless (appropriate!) outfits look pretty fantastic as well ― another inspiration). We knew, from you, that if we never found men of our dreams, there were still plenty of worthy and joyful dreams to be had. We could live independently, in beautiful circumstances, with great friends and satisfying work. We didn’t have to be afraid of the big (possibly sometimes) bad world. We could meet it on our terms, with a big wooden initial on our walls and enough joy to toss our berets around in traffic. We could be confident.
This is comforting for women of every age and stage. Last week, another wonderful friend of mine lost her husband. I now have six (six! and all the men were under 60 years old) friends who have experienced widowhood. I have other friends who have lost spouses through divorce. Nora Ephron (who is also nearly universally adored and about whom I will one day write an article but I have to do it without getting teary for eventually disclosed reasons-so this could take awhile), after a divorce once wrote “...all I want to say, without being too mushy about it is that it meant a lot to me the second time I was single and home alone on Saturday night to discover that Mary Tyler Moore was at home, too..”
Mary’s message to single women everywhere was/is: “You’re gonna make it after all”. You can do this. You are doing this. Mary showed us that purpose and joy are more than “out there”. You can bring them with you.
You also sent us an indirect message about virtue: it’s a thing. Thank heavens, it’s a thing. In fact, it’s always been and will always be, a thing. Your example reminded us that other things may come and go, but virtue, in all it’s forms, is forever.
Virtue, unfortunately, hasn’t always been a popular thing, especially in the media. It isn’t the assumed elegant world guest it once was. It seems, especially among the young, to have gotten a gradually worsening reputation. The media, it seems, has won this round of influence.
This sort of media has encouraged unchecked sexual appetites, and the result has been some global sexual obesity. Our world continues to pay the price for this in the early death of relationships, even family relationships.
It’s kind of heart breaking Mary, but the only hearts you broke were those of millions of men who wish they could have dated you, or at least someone like you. I am told that women like you are harder to find these days. “Who can find a virtuous woman? ...her price is far above rubies.” (KJV 31:10) You weren’t perfect, and you didn’t know all the happiness rules, but you tried to live a higher standard in a world that had/has often lost it’s moral compass.
Plus! You found the balance of standing firm while never letting go of your gracious kindness, even in strained situations. You tried to be honest, fair, compassionate, and humble. And you were smart as a whip. Was it any wonder that we, your little sisters, wanted to grow up to be like you?
You were a woman this quote was seeking:
“The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity.”—Margaret Nadauld*
We little girls of the sixties and seventies were so fortunate to have benefited from your example. Our younger sisters of today could sure use more women like you. Maybe these women are just starting out. Maybe, in whatever ways, they are starting over. It’s all good. Episodes of your show could possibly be of benefit.
Thanks for insanely blessing a lot of us even though we never recognized it at the time.
Some of us believe in a heavenly mother. It must be great fun for you to visit with her again, in part because you likely share many similar qualities.
Gosh darn it Mary, we miss the heck out of you.
This first clip is a montage of Mary Tyler Moore show moments. You can find full episodes on youtube.
The clip below is from The Dick Van Dyke show. Laura Petrie (MTM) and “Oh Robbb!” explain to their son the circumstances surrounding how they met. This is innocent charm at it’s finest.
This quote came from this warm “cup of cocoa with a nice mom” kind of talk:
* https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2000/10/the-joy-of-womanhood?lang=eng