When I began PowerToPrevail I knew I wanted to help others overcome obstacles in their lives but I wasn’t sure how so I used fear as my compass. I used it to point me in the direction where I needed to grow. It’s been over a year and I am still discovering how deep fear had a grip on my heart. My hope is that if I can overcome the things I swore I never could and share those stories honestly then I can help others to do the same. I chose to be a part of Tarra Flores Sloan’s new book “Next Bold Move” because I was afraid I wasn’t worthy enough to be.
It wasn’t long before fear found me. One day my lifelong friend and I were at the beach and I asked her to take my picture. Big whoop right? Well, I’m one of the 90% of women who developed stretchmarks during pregnancy. Throw two surgeries and two back to back pregnancies and my tummy resembled a Jackson Pollock piece more than the perfectly smooth belly we’re convinced every other mom has. I love the beach and was so tired of missing out on the whole experience so not only did I take the picture but I also put it up on my Facebook wall and shared the shameful experience of being stared at by an untactful 13 year old girl just after that picture had been taken. The response from my friends alone was surprising because they related in a way I thought no one else could. They called me brave for what I did. Then I thought about what I did. I wore a bikini to the beach. When you write it down it hardly seems brave at all.
I had found my first mission! I need to make this normal. Why does the shape and texture of a woman’s body cause such a commotion? How does showing a perfectly normally body in public cause me to pause and question if I have permission to? Why do we follow these rules to decide whether or not I am worthy enough to experience our own lives? I figured it would be a quick topic that I could move on from because there couldn’t be that many women struggling with this issue. I felt I was practically the only one.
So I started a blog, facebook page, twitter and Instagram account, AND YouTube channel. My goal was to talk about how I overcame my fear of wearing a bikini and learned to LOVE it instead then move on to my next topic. It’s been over a year and I’m still talking about it. I’m shocked but then again I probably shouldn’t be. The problem with talking about struggles is that we are admitting a certain level of failure. That is attached to A LOT of shame. In a society were women are supposed to “bounce back” to their pre-baby body (which she probably wasn’t happy with then either) quickly and effortlessly is a pressure felt all over the world. No one talks about the part that says biology doesn’t work on perceptions and social norms. Instead of sharing this seemingly shameful experience we hold it in and keep it bottled up because if everyone else can do it then there must be something wrong with just me. Women are walking around with this paralyzing guilt weighing down their heart that was never theirs to bear and we have to help each other to set it free.
At what point do we believe we are good enough then? What does it take? Who decides on those parameters?
There is the unbelievably deep seeded belief that in order to be successful or helpful or interesting is that you must have some incredible story of struggle to tell. I started PowerToPrevail with the intention of helping others with their self-worth and while I have conquered quite a few fears, I still find myself pausing and questioning my own. I don’t have the right degree, background, or experience to call myself an expert in anything. I have to then focus on what I do have.
I have own experiences, my intuition, and my passion. So far that has been enough to help people. How many? I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. I’ve helped. That’s all I need to know. There are no requirements to help others. There’s only the preconceived notion that only famous or powerful people can. The key word here is people. We are all just people with different stories to tell. Some people can relate to mine while others can’t. When I get messages and e-mails from the ones who relate the first emotion they express is relief. Finally! A person whom they can relate to in a seemingly impossible way. It’s refreshing and empowering to stare at a reflection rather than an empty space and see ourselves as a complete human instead of broken.
So I used Terra’s book as an opportunity to reach more women who needed to hear my story so they could finally know they aren’t alone. We long to know that we are not alone in our struggles but without anyone talking about it then we continue to wander around in this shameful place all by ourselves. Who wants to talk about shameful things? No one. Who should be talking about it? Everyone. When we share our humanity with one another it allows us to move beyond fear that isolates us and gives love the permission to lead. By embracing every part of what makes each of us unique we don’t have room to feel ashamed. By unleashing our self-love we can all finally discover our self-worth.