A beautiful line from the movie The Last of the Mohicans stands out in my mind:
"Do not try to understand them. And do not try to make them understand you.”
This quote applies to almost everything in life. It speaks to far more than a philosophy or theory. It is an expression of a state of being that lies far deeper in one’s soul than mere attitude.
To understand something, we generally feel that we must be able to define, explain, and tangibly hold it in our hand. This scientific approach that has so overtaken our world is based upon a sort of managed approach to the laws of Nature. But the subtleties of life, that which makes life sweet and beautiful, cannot be managed.
We long, for example, to understand our children. We feel it is our duty as responsible parents to do so. To some degree, this is of course true. But it can also be the reason why our children so often push us away. Their natural self-actualization process is interfered with when we, as parents, try to define them, impose our values upon them, and if not in word, then in attitude, ask them to conform to our ideal of them. Yet, it is so hard to let that go. It is as if our love necessitates such imposition.
We would do well to embrace the idea that we never really understand another person. Nor can we expect them to fully understand us. But instead of this being disheartening, it is actually quite exquisite and inspiring. How beautiful is it that there is always something within those with whom we love that remains a mystery? If we are able to embrace that mystery, it will deepen our love and respect for them.
How impulsively we define, classify, and thereby crucify the people we meet. Even every article we read is instinctively reduced down to a simple, easily expressed concept, allowing the subtleties to slip through our fingers, discarded as superfluous.
I have heard that the Western mind looks at a mountain and wants to know what is on the other side. The Eastern mind sits back and enjoys the exquisite beauty and mystery of the mountain. To whatever degree this is true or not, it does illustrate the point. To really understand someone or something is to appreciate the mystery, the unfathomability, and the unending secrets they hold. To understand is not to define, but rather to be with them humbly.
A healthy life is all about a healthy relationship with life. We are mysteries unto our own selves. We know not what lies around the corner. Our paths are not strict lines, defined by going from point A to point B. Rather, life is an unending stream of curves and contours, leading us down an unfathomable path of wonder. Surely, we must plan and calculate as we live our lives, but life is not a road map that we follow. Those things must be held in the unbounded openness of the undefinable. This is a state of humility that is held in the heart, not just understood by the intellect. To truly know anything is to embrace its unknowable nature. Living from that place is called the path of wisdom.
Michael Mamas is the founder of The Center of Rational Spirituality, a nonprofit organization dedicated to the betterment of humanity through the integration of ancient spiritual wisdom with modern rational thought. Dr. Michael Mamas helps individuals and organizations develop a deeper understanding and more comprehensive outlook by providing a 'bridge' between the abstract and concrete, the Eastern and Western, and the ancient and modern. Michael Mamas writes on a variety of subjects on his blogs, MichaelMamas.net and RationalSpirituality.org.