No two marriages are exactly alike. That said, there are certain unifying experiences and feelings that husbands and wives, no matter where they’re from, will find relatable.
Below, 19 tweets that hilariously capture the essence of married life in 140 characters or less.
My husband can sleep through anything except me shining a tiny light briefly on the book I'm reading in bed.
— Housy Wife (@wife_housy) August 6, 2016
Wife: I'm going to grab some dinner, you want anything?
— keith (@tchrquotes) February 28, 2015
Me: No thanks, I'm stuffed.
Wife: Ok, I'm going to Taco...
Me: I'll have 9 tacos.
Wife: Where are you
— Hip Dad Online (@hardlyrelevant) May 25, 2016
Me: The store
W: Don't lie to me
M: Wh-
W: I saw the internet history
M: *hangs up* pic.twitter.com/CbhMqKVGkq
"Should we just lie in bed and eat chocolate and look at the Tupperware catalogue?" My husband, turning me on.
— lauren robinson (@laurenjoyness) August 3, 2016
It's Friday night, so my wife and I drank wine and talked politics.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) August 6, 2016
Just kidding.
We had a 20 minute argument over brands of toilet paper.
Marriage is full of surprises but it's mostly just asking each other "do you have to do that right now?"
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) August 23, 2016
Just put on fancy socks and a night shirt with no food stains so I can try to seduce my husband later.
— Ashley Austrew (@ashleyaustrew) January 23, 2016
me: want me to make dinner
— Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) August 24, 2016
wife: nah it's ok honey, I know you're still tired from doing it back in 2003
Pre-marriage counseling should include putting up a tent together.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 30, 2016
Marriage teaches you a lot about yourself. For instance, I've learned that I don't need to use so many paper towels, and they're expensive.
— Pete Lynch (@PJTLynch) March 25, 2013
Marriage, because you need to know you were folding a bag of chips wrong your entire life.
— Dan (@Social_Mime) February 11, 2016
wife: You forgot to turn the TV off last night
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) July 25, 2016
[flashback to me leaving it on so the dog could finish watching Air Bud]
me: No I didn't
WIFE: Stop spending money on stupid stuff
— Floyd (@dafloydsta) August 17, 2016
ME: Okay
[later]
WIFE: What the hell?
[dog walks by in a tuxedo]
ME: He's getting married, Karen
I had to wipe baby poop off my wife's foot.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) July 29, 2016
I don't remember that one being in our wedding vows.
My wife assures me it was in there.
My growing Crocs collection is forcing my wife to make some tough decisions about her future.
— Daniel Carrillo (@DanielRCarrillo) June 7, 2016
Husband: UGH that kid is JUST LIKE YOU.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) October 24, 2015
Me: Wonderful?
H:
M: Charming?
H:
M: Light of your life?
H: [leaves room]
Me: [shouts] SUPER COOL?
*ignores husband for the entirety of our dinner date so I can write him the perfect happy birthday post on FB*
— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) August 9, 2016
Marriage is basically just looking over at your partner saying "Did you hear that?" Every time your body makes a weird noise.
— The Fantastic Mr.Fox (@Camel_Crushin) July 6, 2016
*complains about wife watching HGTV all the time
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) August 17, 2016
*goes on business trip
*watches HGTV in the hotel room
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