Last Wednesday evening, Luvvie Ajayi spoke at her sold-out event, An Evening With Luvvie Ajayi, hosted by The Commonwealth Club in San Francisco.
Who’s Luvvie Ajayi??? Chile bye!!!
Nosa! But seriously, if you don’t know who she is, you need to: GET. YOUR. LIFE!!!
Luvvie Ajayi is a witty, social media maven, philanthropist, and The New York Times best-selling author of I’m Judging You: The Do Better Manual. I follow her on Twitter: here and here.
I can’t recall ever being this enthralled with anyone since Lauryn Hill, since Morris Chestnut, since Idris Elba, since Amir Sulaiman, since I found out about Magnum White Chocolate ice cream bars (Shout out to my home-girl, Esse Atiogbe, for putting me on.).
Okay the bars aren’t people, but you get my point. I am insanely obsessed with Luvvie. Before you start thinking something is wrong with me, I want you to know that every person who attended the event is as fanatical (as I am). I mean that’s the reason we were all there AND that’s the reason the event sold out. DUH?!?!?!
Cassidy Blackwell, the Senior Manager of Brand Marketing for Walker & Company Brands, Inc., gave Luvvie a dope introduction. If you’re a blog aficionado, you may remember Cassidy from her blog, Natural Selection. After Cassidy’s foreword, Luvvie took to the stage with global strategist, Richelle Parham. Ms. Parham moderated the talk.
“...we’re just sitting in my living room and we’re gonna have a conversation...” Parham told Ajayi. For the next hour, the two did just that: had a great dialogue, as though they were in Richelle’s living room, with the audience hanging on to every question posed and every response delivered. Laughter and audience remarks filled the space.
Luvvie was born in Nigeria and came to the United States when she was nine, for what she thought was a family vacation. It wasn’t until she was enrolled in school that she realized it wasn’t a vacation. “Oh, we’re staying?” Luvvie is “the child of proud, well-to-do people”. Her parents raised her to be honest about life and raised her to walk into a room and own that room. She was raised as she put it, to not have doubts about who she is. “That’s who I am and that’s who’s sitting in front of you.”
Luvvie wanted to be a doctor when she grew up. Every one told her she should be and because she was smart, she believed she could do it. Without putting much effort into her studies, she always excelled scholastically. In college, she double-majored in pre-med and psychology. “After getting my first D of my whole academic career... You know what, I don’t even like hospitals... I had to have a come to Jesus moment...” Luvvie dropped pre-med and continued pursuing psychology. She thought she would pursue graduate studies and work in industrial/organizational psychology or as a counselor. Her goal was to get a masters or PhD and help people. “It’s still in my spirit...” She wavers and then jokes, “I’m too ratchet to be a psychologist.”
Luvvie began writing in her sophomore year, when a friend, the editor of the school paper, asked Luvvie to be a columnist. “Shout out to nepotism!” Luvvie cheered and the crowd burst out into riotous laughter. Soon after, while still in college, she started a weblog (now known as a blog) using Xanga. She deleted it in 2006 to start Luvvie’s Random Rants, which morphed into her current blog, Awesomely Luvvie. Her blog turned 10 years old on August 8th.
Below are a few excerpts from Luvvie and Richelle’s talk:
Parham: You are so honest, and so blunt, tell it like it is...Where does that come from?
Luvvie (without hesitation): My Nigerian-ness. Nigerians are some of the least filtered people on the planet.
Luvvie went on to explain the cultural aspects of communication and how ingrained her candor is. She discussed the differences between Africans from the continent and African-Americans. She also touched on the disconnect that exists between the cultures.
Parham: I’ve read so many fun facts about you... Three of my really close friends absolutely love Sophia Petrillo.
Luvvie: She’s my Patronus...
Parham: ...What are the life lessons that she has taught you?
Luvvie: Sophia has taught me that one, you can’t check old people... They’ve been on this earth for 85 years and you’re not gonna check ‘em. She’s also taught me that you can be shady to people around you, lovingly... She was so funny, but she said what you were thinking, but you were like, “Let me not say it.” But then Sophia said it and you were like, “I’m glad she said that.” I’m essentially that person now.
Parham: You’ve taught so many lessons in this book... What is the best lesson that you want every single person on this planet to know?
Luvvie: ...you can actually commit yourself to making the world better than you found it. And that’s one thing that I want you to walk away from this book holding on to... Everyone thinks if they can’t do something on a grand scale, let me not do anything at all. So we tend to just sit back and just be like, “Somebody else is gonna do it.” The reason why the world is sucky is because we thought somebody else was going to do it and they didn’t. So, we might as well be the ones doing something.
Parham: Let’s talk about Blaxit...
Luvvie: [The] Salt Collective started this post on Blaxit. And then I basically took it on a whole different level.
Already, they said we’re taking Beyoncé, Oprah, Shonda, soul food...
My audience, because LuvvNation is the most turnt, decided to add to it. So far, we have jazz music, Little Richard, Dave Chapelle, Sam Jackson...seasoning...Mother Cicely Tyson... She’s gonna rule over Blaxit. I insist we’re talking the butters, shea and cocoa... Peanut butter, Denzel Washington, Idris Elba... Somebody said we’re taking edges.... And then it got really real because people started talking about what we’re taking with us because Black people invented it. We’re taking traffic lights, the heart defibrillator, computers, and cellphones... Blaxit was lit yo!
(You can read more on Luvvie’s Blaxit.)
Parham: There’s something that you say which I think is incredibly powerful, and it is, ‘Stand in your worth’. What does that mean?
Luvvie: Stand in your worth; stand in your power. Because especially women, and especially women of color, we’re not taught to stand in our worth. We’re taught to negotiate everything—down, as opposed to up. So we walk in a room and people are like, “How much is your price for this?” And you say it and they wanna negotiate you down. And you’re told that you have no room to negotiate... And for me, it’s important, especially as a woman who runs her own business. Writers don’t think of ourselves as businesses sometimes, but we are.
Stand in your worth and say no. So, last year was my year of yes; this year is my year of no. And no is a powerful thing, because when you are able to walk away, you have the upper hand. So being able to be like, “You know what, you can’t afford me right now. I respect it. Holla at me later.” It’s really hard to walk away from money... But here’s the thing: If you accept that, you’re gonna keep getting that...
Nicki [Minaj]...as a feminist, as a woman, who like owns her own power, I respect her sooo hard. And she told this story, and I use it now, No More Pickle Juice. She showed up at a photo shoot and they had like three things on the rack for her and catering had pickle juice, in like a jar of pickles. Not even like real food. So she looked around. She’s like, “No,” and she walked away. And her agent was like, “Nicki, you can’t walk away. We’re supposed to do this shoot.” She’s like, “Here’s the thing: They just gave me pickle juice. If I keep accepting pickle juice, they’re gonna keep giving me pickle juice. So I’m saying no to pickle juice.” And she walked out. And I was like, “Yes! We gotta start saying no to pickle juice and stop accepting pickle juice.”
In our lives, in our personal lives, in our business lives, it’s important to tell people exactly how you want them to treat you. So that comes with stand in your worth...
Richelle: And you interviewed Oprah?
Luvvie: I did interview Mother Oprah... Oh, man! That was a moment. That happened by happenstance...
Richelle: So let’s talk about pop culture for a minute. I’m gonna give you a category. You can pick where you wanna go. We can either do movies...TV...music.
Luvvie: TV.
Richelle: ...tell us what you think. What’s about to happen? ...Give us some wisdom.
Luvvie: We are in the 2nd Golden Age of television right now. I firmly believe that, because TV is killin’ the game. Right now, no matter what kind of content you’re into, you can find a really good TV show. And I also love the fact that Black women are running so much of television. We have Courtney Kemp running Power on STARZ. We have Shonda running ABC... The president of ABC is a Black woman. The Black woman takeover is happening. It’s a beautiful thing to see, because for such a long time we were locked out of it. Shonda came; changed the game... There’s this show led by a black woman...and it killed ratings so hard... Hollywood needs to recognize...this is not a trend. We’re not just hot right now, we’re hot in general...
Richelle: When you look at the next 18 months...what are all the things you want to do?
Luvvie: ...I hadn’t thought past what I wanted to do after this book. I really hadn’t. The book was my stop. I was so hyper-focused on making the book happen, I didn’t look beyond it. So when people ask me now, I’m like, “I guess TV.” I guess maybe write a second book in the next 18 months. Maybe, I’m Still Judging You... Judging You 2.0. I actually would like to try my hand [at] writing a TV show. My book is getting some interest, so we shall see...
I’m open to seeing what the universe drops at my feet. ‘Cause honestly, my career has been a testament of that. None of this was strategy... I’ve always just done what was right at the moment, what felt right at the moment, what I enjoy doing. And doors opened and things happened. ...I also want to speak on more world stages...on grander stages. That has been what I’ve been doing the last two weeks...using my voice to continue to make some real change is something I want to do always...not just in the next 18 months.
Richelle and Luvvie briefly discussed the current political climate and the incumbent presidential candidates. The ladies also talked about ‘A Day in the Life of Luvvie’ and her national philanthropic organization, Red Pump Project.
Before closing for the evening, Richelle opened the floor for audience questions.
As an American-born Haitian, this was a question that I really appreciated and could relate to dichotomically:
Audience Question: ...I’m an immigrant and I was born in Western Africa and came here 11 years ago. There’s one piece that you wrote a few years ago, about the difference in how Africans...relate to African-Americans. It was one of the deepest pieces...that really embodied some of the differences in thinking... Is that something you plan on talking a little more about? I would really love you to explore that topic a little more.
Luvvie: So I wrote this piece...because on Twitter, somebody tweeted me...”Hey, Luvvie, is the word akata derogatory?” I couldn’t just answer the question, say yes, and walk away.
Akata is a word that is used by West Africans to talk about African-Americans. A lot of people don’t realize it’s derogatory, because they just think it’s the word for African-American... The etymology of it...means a bush animal... It shows how people don’t understand sometimes the way they are oppressive... That word shows the stereotypes that some Africans hold about Black Americans. It comes down also to not knowing the context of slavery and the Middle Passage, and knowing where African-Americans are coming from in terms of the history and the oppression they’ve had to deal with, and the denigration...
That piece actually end[ed] up everywhere for a bit and people read it and said, “I didn’t think about this...” I’m down to talk about it whenever people want to talk about it. I’m down to hold a discussion about it in person, because I do think bridges need to be built between Black people in the Diaspora, even West Indians, West Africans, Black Americans. There’s too much divide there, because people aren’t having these conversations...
You may recall the word akata being used in the 1993 film, Sugar Hill, starring Wesley Snipes. In the scene, Roemello Skuggs (Snipes) and his brother, Raynathan (Michael Wright), are meeting with Nigerian drug dealers. When one of the Nigerian guys refers to Roemello as akata, Roemello headbutts him (not shown in this clip) and a fight ensues.
“I feel like celebrating Blackness even in the face of tragedy is revolutionary and it’s necessary. ”
Audience Question: ...There’s been a lot that’s happened in 2016 that’s caused a lot of sorrow in our community. How do you balance celebrating the Blackest year ever, all the accomplishments we’ve made, but all of the negative, and all of the murders...? How do you balance that content with your followers? How do you deal with it yourself? Just kinda enlighten us on that.
Luvvie: I feel like celebrating Blackness even in the face of tragedy is revolutionary and it’s necessary... This year has been both awesome and amazing...and that dichotomy is hard to reconcile, but I’ve made it a point to push through the sad and the awful, ‘cause it’s what keeps my head above water... Every time we have something to celebrate, something horrible happens, and I feel like it’s meant to break us, but we can’t let it. We just can’t afford to be broken in these moments. So I take it upon myself to sometimes be the voice that’s like, “You know what? This awful stuff happened. We are constantly, constantly being beaten down, but we can also laugh in the face of that...”
I feel like that has kept Black people through slavery... You wonder how people used to sing in 1850, how they used to find moments of joy and laughter. That is just amazing, that in the worse condition of human-hood, people still managed to find pieces and slices of joy. And I want to keep that going. I want us to make sure we never lose our joy because that has always kept us going.
Richelle: So because I’m on stage with you, I actually get to ask you the last question. Inforum has a tradition and they ask all of their speakers this... What is your 60 second idea to change the world?
Luvvie: I have many ideas... One, we destroy Spirit Airlines... I think that’s important...
I think we can change the world by making sure that every kid gets to go to school... There are places where there’s 70% illiteracy rate and people never get to get transformed to worlds, because they can’t read...
Luvvie closed the evening by thanking the women who have stood by her in the book writing process and made her San Francisco appearance possible. She thanked Richelle for the conversation, Cassidy for the prologue, and the LuvvNation for supporting her.
It was a joy seeing Luvvie, up close and personal. One thing is certain: She was absolutely, positively raised to own any room she steps into. Luvvie owned the room and the evening, but it is because she owns her power and her worth. I look forward to seeing what she brings us next!
If you missed this event or were present, but would like to relive the moment, you can watch here.
Is anyone else part of the LuvvNation? Has anyone read I’m Judging You? Post a comment below and let me know whether you’re part of the LuvvNation and what you think about I’m Judging You. I purchased my copy at the event, so stay tuned for my review!