Mother’s Day is on Sunday, and I’ll bet you haven’t got Mom a gift yet.
We can sympathize. Mother’s Day is a holiday where people are expected to put their square peg of a mom into a round hole of overpriced chain restaurants, wilted flowers and easily-tarnished jewelry.
Let’s not even talk about those generic cards either. Yeesh.
If there is one thing we know at HuffPost Weird News, it’s that everyone’s mom is weird is some way. So it’s important to honor who she is by getting gifts that reflect and honor her weirdness.
For some, it might be tiny kitty paws. Others might prefer an I Am Groot cutting board. Secretly, we hope nobody wants the Trump Troll Doll (unless it’s ironic, of course).
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Mini Cat Paws
AlwaysFits.com
There are cat ladies and then there are cat ladies. For those feline-loving females, why not give her set of mini cat paws? Just imagine this Mother's Day conversation.
MOM: "These are lovely, dear, but what are they?"
YOU: "Mini cat paws."
MOM: "I see. What do they do?"
YOU: You hold them and pretend you have cat paws. You can bond with the cats."
MOM: "Oh. I don't think Mittens will like them. She gets very agitated when I wave that laser pointer you got me last year."
YOU: "This is different. You can pet the cat with them."
MOM: "Oh. OK. Well, it's the thought that counts. I guess."
MOM: "These are lovely, dear, but what are they?"
YOU: "Mini cat paws."
MOM: "I see. What do they do?"
YOU: You hold them and pretend you have cat paws. You can bond with the cats."
MOM: "Oh. I don't think Mittens will like them. She gets very agitated when I wave that laser pointer you got me last year."
YOU: "This is different. You can pet the cat with them."
MOM: "Oh. OK. Well, it's the thought that counts. I guess."
Chambong
TheFowndry.com
Your mom is a classy woman who deserves the finest champagne. If she's also nostalgic for those wild college years, she can combine both with the Chambong: An almost classy -- keyword is "almost" -- drinking device that will let her enjoy the finest Dom Perignon without having to resort to sipping. Chug Mama chug!
Whoopee Cushion Pool Float
AlwaysFits.com
Your mom will have a gas when she floats gently around the pool on this giant whoopie cushion float. It resembles a whoopie-cushion only in shape -- it will not make a giant farting sound when Mom lies down on it. (Cue the sound of collective disappointment).
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Standing Horse Toilet Paper Holder
Bellacor.com
Rather than arguing over the correct way to load a roll of toilet paper, this horse TP holder will inspire a new argument: Which bathroom gets this lovely piece of art. It should probably go as far away from guests as possible. You wouldn't want them to steal such a valuable family heirloom, would you?
Bling-Encrusted Bottle Of Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing
Hidden Valley
Somewhere in Hidden Valley, there's a poor soul hired to glue bling on to bottles of ranch dressing. And you're going to make fun of it and the fact that these blinged-out bottles sell for 50 bucks each?What kind of monster are you? Oh, that kind. Thanks for clarifying.
Pink Octopus Dress
AnomalyPanoply.com
If your mom loves animals, but is not the type to wear teddy bear sweatshirts, this octopus dress may be the ticket. However, it only has room for two arms, not eight. Sad.
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Poop-Shaped Chocolates
ThePoopFactory.com
Your mom took a lot of crap from you growing up. Return the favor by giving her more of it -- in the form of poop-shaped chocolates. I promise, she won't look at the gift as any sort of passive-aggressive protest against her parenting. Moms just don't think like that.
"I Am Groot" Cutting Board
If your mom loves cooking AND tentpole summer movies, then she will certainly appreciate this cutting board designed to look like Baby Groot from "Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2." If you can film her using the board while saying "I am Groot" over and over again, you will have a viral video that could either pay for a new car or at least be blackmail against her. You can thank me later.
Mommy Drinks Because You Cry Coloring Book
BoxLunch.com
Mom taught you how to color, (and, possibly, how to shade the truth) so she will certainly get a kick out of this coloring book with perhaps the most truthful title ever written.
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Helmet That Grows Hair
Theragrow.com
Mom might be sensitive about thinning hair. The Theragrow is supposed to help hair grow thanks to a helmet with 40 lasers attached. Turn it upside-down and it might work as a spaghetti colander in a pinch.
Do-It-Yourself Log Cabin
HeadedForTheCountry.com
Yes, of course, your beloved mom deserves a nice home, but moving her into one built by someone else with all the creature comforts is just going to breed laziness in her. This DIY log cabin has everything your mom will need to build a simple home anyone can be proud of. Anyone still living in the 18th century that is.
Periodic Table Bracelet
EarthboundTrading.com
Ain't science great? Well, so is fashion and this bracelet that includes the whole periodic table will help mom combine her two loves: looking stylish and comparing the different elements against each other. Woo hoo!
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Tardigrade Dish Towels
Roostery.com
Dish towels with cats? Boring! How about with ducks or other cute animals? Yuck! No, today's discerning dish towel aficionado needs an animal pattern that is out of this world. Like tardigrades, those creepy-looking eight-legged micro-animals capable of surviving in practically every type of environment. Your mom will appreciate you went the extra mile.
Bag It Portable Wine Carrier
VinoDuvino.com
All those times Mom drove you to lame sporting events, badly-acted plays, screechy music lessons -- and she did it sober! Now you can thank her the way you should have years ago by getting her this portable wine carrier that holds up to three bottles and includes a handy pouring spout. Don't be surprised if she volunteers to help out with the grandkids more.
American Flag Onesie
TipsyElves.com
Does your mom love America? Does she wake up in the morning singing, "God Bless America"? This flag onesie will surely stir her patriotic feelings. Plus, stripes do have a slimming effect.
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Dust Mite Vacuum
Raycop.com
Usually, giving Mom a vacuum or other cleaning appliance is kind of rude, sending the message she needs to clean up her act -- and the house. On the other hand, any mom who's a germophobic neat freak will certainly appreciate the Raycop. It's a vacuum that removes dust mites, pollen and other allergens from the home -- and that's nothing to sneeze at.
Grocery Belt
GroceryBelt.com
At some point, maybe Mom stopped worried about style and more about practicality. At that point, she became ready for the Grocery Belt, a device that allows her to carry a whole bunch of grocery bags in a hands-free manner. Just make sure you give her plenty of room, just in case she turns around quickly. A can of beans might hit you in the knee.
Backpack Cooler
EngelCoolers.com
Backpacks are so convenient and coolers are so necessary, so why hasn't anyone combined them before? This backpack cooler will allow mom to easily carry a whole item of goodies without falling forward for the strain caused by traditional coolers. Chances are, this gift will be quickly stolen from Mom by the people who gave it to her.
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Dried Fruit Necklace
ThoughtOfYou.com
Your mom may love jewelry, but hate the idea of blood diamonds and other distasteful aspects about the industry. This necklace uses dried orange peels instead of shiny stones. Your mom will love the attention she gets when people say, "What a fruity-looking necklace." No, she will.
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