The #1 new-media brand for smart, creative and stylish women everywhere.
The #1 new-media brand for smart, creative and stylish women everywhere.
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.
Photographer Samantha Geballe started taking self-portraits in 2013, one year before she underwent gastric bypass surgery, and she continues to photograph herself today ― nearly three years since the procedure.
Her photos, when viewed all together, depict a major turning point in her life: the moment when she started to accept her body.
Advertisement
“I didn’t realize until after I had had gastric bypass that I had no idea what I looked like,” Geballe tells Refinery29. “For some time after, I couldn’t manage my thoughts around my body. I didn’t recognize the person reflected before me.”
As immense as Geballe’s physical changes were after the surgery — she says she is “two adults smaller” than she was before — the procedure took an incredible emotional toll on her, as well. It was only through photography that Geballe found a way to process these feelings of alienation from her own body.
Advertisement
“It became a way of being kind to myself,” she says. “I continue to photograph myself now because I need to see. I need to see myself. I want to understand and accept myself.”
Geballe is still learning to be at peace with her body, but with the emotional distance that her photography gives her, she’s already learned that self-acceptance starts from within: “If I am unhappy big, I will be unhappy small. It’s important to accept your body, even if it’s not where you want it to be.”
Advertisement
She hopes her viewers find comfort in her photos, and in knowing that someone else out there is also working toward self-love.
“I believe in the infinite value of connection, and it is the way I combat the shame I feel,” Geballe says. “At the end of the day, our lives may look nothing alike, but maybe we’ve shared similar feelings.”
““I believe in the infinite value of connection, and it is the way I combat the shame I feel,” Geballe says. “At the end of the day, our lives may look nothing alike, but maybe we’ve shared similar feelings.””
Scroll through to view a selection of Geballe’s work.
Advertisement
Geballe: "I remember taking this picture. It was the first time I wasn’t tired while making photographs. Making self-portraits was always difficult because of my size. I can’t describe the feeling, and how amazing I felt trying everything I could think of. I felt happy for myself that day."
Geballe: "I took this photo the morning of surgery. December 1, 2014. I was so afraid. My check-in time was moved to later in the day, so I had some time to spare. I remember thinking,I need to know what I look like. I don’t know what I look like. I felt desperate to know and show myself the truth I still couldn’t see."
Advertisement
Geballe: "This image is hard for me to look at. I see the sadness I felt. I was in so much pain. My life had become unmanageable. I was dying and still couldn’t stop eating. My throat closes a little when I stare at it too long."
Geballe: "I took this in the hospital immediately after gastric bypass. I remember thinking, what the fuck did I just do?"
Advertisement
Geballe: "This self-portrait was made on December 1st, 2015. Exactly one year from the photo, 'Morning Of.' It’s quite shocking to me."
Geballe: "My body and gravity is fascinating to me. It’s a glimpse into what I would’ve looked like if I had grown up an average weight. My skin pools and pulls from me. There are times that it seems like it’s running away. I have come to love my skin. It is part of my story, and at least for today, it’s here to stay."
Advertisement
Geballe: "I took this after seeing myself for the first time."
Geballe: "In June 2015, I went back into the hospital with acute pancreatitis and gall stones. It’s a possible complication of gastric-bypass (or extreme weight loss), and I needed emergency surgery. I didn’t leave the hospital for a week, and in that week, I had no food or water. I felt demoralized. Yes, I had an IV, but putting nothing in my mouth (not even water) for a week destroyed my spirit. I took photos when I could. It helped me deal with being there. I took this photo the night before surgery, and I really didn’t care that every nurse thought it was odd. I knew it wouldn’t happen again. That’s what I always tell myself when I don’t want to take the picture. This will never happen again, so I need to see it."
Advertisement
Geballe: "I felt strong."
Geballe: "I have so much excess skin now. I’m not ashamed of it anymore. It’s my story and my voice."
Advertisement
Geballe: "I have had a lot of health consequences due to being severely overweight. One of the biggest is my back. I took this image right after an epidural I had earlier in the year. It makes me sad to think about the damage I’ve done to myself."
By: Sara Coughlin
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.