When Debt Acts Like An Abusive Lover

Debt, in many ways, acts like a twin flame: there are times in your life when you need it badly, but there are other times when you need to run. But breaking up with your debt is not easy. You shun it, give it an ultimatum, and then one day you scream – enough is enough.

In her debut book, Dear Debt: A Story About Breaking Up With Debt, Melanie Lockert does just that. Lockert, 31, who recently moved to Los Angeles from Portland, Oregon, is a financial blogger whose burgeoning popularity among millennials centers on writing on taboo money topics and on how she repaid her student loans.

In her book – which I found engaging, raw, and honest – Lockert personifies her debt as a lover with whom she does not hesitate to get down and dirty.

“Get off your ass and get a life,” she yells at her debt. “You are a lazy motherf#^&er and I’m sick of you!”

She could have been yelling at “Jim” or “Beth.”

Throughout the 150-page book, she chronicles her journey from college, through her master’s degree in theater, to the stark realization that an expensive liberal arts degree will not help her in a tough job market.

Lockert’s helplessness will resonate with millions of young American men and women. For years she has battled with her $81,000 debt. Compare that to the average U.S. millennial, who comes out of college with about $30,000 in debt.

“Dear debt,” she writes. “I feel…Trapped. Stuck. Barren. Dry.”

About 43.3 million Americans today have outstanding debt of $1.26 trillion. For many of them, Lockert’s book should act like a therapist. Not the kind that takes six sessions to know you. Rather the kind that allows you to sit down on the couch, hears you out for 15 minutes and empowers you to stand up and fight back.

“You pushed me harder and harder, just so I can keep up with you. You’ve pushed me so hard that I thought I might never come back.” The determination to fight back is unmistakably ironclad.

As the book progresses, the author’s mental transition in how she deals with her “lover” manifests step by step.

Even as she honestly describes the shame, depression, and hopelessness, she acknowledges that she did not have the knowledge or the mental and financial tools to know where to start.

Knowing her own ignorance was a starting point for Lockert.

The book offers solutions and hope to Lockert’s readers – and gives them resources, including ways to pay off debts. Lockert makes debt repayment seem manageable. Almost.

Some of her tips are simple: unsubscribe from shopping lists to avoid temptation, learn how to be frugal without being rude, and find free or low-cost ways to live while paying down debt.

Then there’s a string of purposeful advice. One such suggestion is embracing side hustles. Whether becoming a part-time Uber driver, listing your services on TaskRabbit, or being a brand ambassador, she explains that the value of non-traditional work hours to make some cash. Her methods are not a quick fix, nor are they for the lazy, but they work.

It did for Lockert – she emerged debt-free last year. Her journey does not end there, though. She offers tips for the future: how-tos of negotiating your salary, networking advice, and a discussion of how your relationship with money post-debt payoff is just as crucial for your financial health as it is while you are still in debt.

It’s not often that we think of debt as a person to confront. But Lockert, who also runs the site deardebt.com, says that “suicide” and “debt” are two keywords that bring many users to her site. Today, a successful freelance writer, she offers compassion to those who are facing a similar struggle.