When surrounded by friends and family on whom one can count for support of every kind, it's hard to imagine the downward spiral that can land someone on the street. Friends ask me how someone can utterly alienate that support network, and whether it's always someone suffering from mental illness or fighting an addiction. Unsurprisingly, I have no easy answers.
Today, I'd like to share with you an odd little story about someone recently in trouble. Despite having no good answers, I hope I raise a few good questions:
Last month, my teenaged daughter texted me from school: "'Steven' had a bad fight with his parents. They kicked him out." I had never met Steven, and asked her for some details. Texted, they were kind of sketchy, but it sounded like a dispute over college apps had escalated into ugly, and he had walked out/been thrown out.
"Can I tell him to come to our house for dinner?" she asked.
I flashed on Bethesda Cares' low-demand approach to people in need, which is pretty much the way I live, too. So rightly or wrongly, I decided not to question him too closely. "Of course. But he has to tell his parents where he is and that he is safe."
She agreed, he agreed and they showed up around 3:30. He looked disheveled. "Pardon my hair," he said by way of greeting. "But I slept in a car last night."
I was dubious. Teens are not always reliable sources of information about anything, including their own lives, but I offered him a shower, which he accepted. While he cleaned up, she asked if he could stay over.
I debated what to do. I already knew he is from a nice suburban neighborhood, and attends a tony private school. I didn't know his home situation, but I was not about to send him back to an abusive situation, if that is what he had fled. I had no idea if he is a drug user, or what demons are in his head. I didn't know if he'd called other friends or neighbors for help, and been turned down.
I do trust my daughter's judgment in friends. And I did believe he needed a safe haven, at least for a few hours.
But he was a kid. Seventeen. Nearly an adult, but still a kid.
What to do? Call his parents? He had shown me the text he had sent them telling them where he was, although he said they had not responded. Call social services? Too extreme. Finally, I contacted the head of his school, who was oddly unruffled by the news of the riff. He said he'd be in touch with the boy's parents, and took my contact information.
But his parents did not call me.
In the meantime, after his shower, I invited Steven into the kitchen and listened to him as I cooked. He shared a few details of his situation with me -- "Sleeping in a car is really cold" -- but I did not push. We all had dinner together and, other than discussing his plan to go back home after school the next day, kept the conversation light. He spent the night in our guest room, and came back to the kitchen for breakfast this morning. "Great comforter," he said. "Thanks." I nodded. "It would work great in a car," he continued.
That was my limit. I put my hand on his arm, waited until he looked at me. I spoke in what I hoped was a really firm but kind tone: "No, Steven. No more sleeping in cars. That's not safe, it is not a good answer, and it is not your only answer. Please. Don't do that again." I asked if he'd take my cell phone number, promised I'd take him in any time between now and the end of time, and was glad when he agreed.
I've checked in on him since. He seems to be doing okay. But among the many things that trouble me about this incident was his willingness to sleep in a car. On the surface, it looked like he made a choice. But I don't buy that. He wasn't choosing between "home" or "car" because home did not feel like an option to him. He didn't choose a night of homelessness. The problem is, he felt like he had no choice.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.