My name is Eden, I’m 23 years old, and I spent the last six months convincing myself that I want to go to law school.
I swear, it really did sound like a good idea at the time. Work wasn’t satisfying me quite the way I expected it would and I wanted more. My gravitation to legal clubs in high school and college made law school seem like a good fit for me. So, my instincts said apply, and that I did. Fast-forward to today – my seat deposit is paid, my apartment in Brooklyn is secured, and I’m set to begin classes this August.
Plot twist: I’m not going.
It’s not that I fear I won’t be successful as an attorney. On the contrary, I really believe I could have been great in a courtroom. Rather, my worry stems from the uncertainty of whether the profession would really bring me happiness, or if it would simply disrupt the balanced lifestyle I try to maintain… whether it’s what I really want for myself, or if I pursued if for all the wrong reasons.
To sum up my garbled thoughts… I’m confused.
I’ve received sharp criticism from many people who view the recent uncertainty in my professional life as a sign of the type of person I am, as if my indecision has seriously inconvenienced them in some way. Perhaps they judge me because they remember that this isn’t the first time I’ve drastically changed my plans at the last minute. Whatever their reasons, they’ve coined me rather harshly as indecisive and privileged – just the sort of criticism I want to hear at this particular juncture of my life.
My response to these people: I am privileged, absolutely. It’s a reality I do not take lightly. Indecisive, correct there, too… I also call it my 20s.
I can’t help but wonder why it’s so taboo to change plans and make mistakes. Our 20s are supposed to be the years we royally screw up, take irrational risks and explore the world. Yet, instead, many of us feel lured into our unforgiving go to school, get a job, get married, have a family, and do it in that order society. At 23, we should really know which direction we’re headed in, right?
Wrong.
I’m breaking the silence and admitting to the world that I have no idea where life is about to take me. But, at least I know I won’t be going $200, 000.00 into debt trying to figure it out.
Sure, law school might have been a great adventure. Who knows, maybe somewhere down the line I’ll apply again and actually show up on the first day of class.
Then again, maybe I won’t.
The point is… I just don’t know and that should be okay. To be young and confused should be okay.
I’ll wrap this up since I could go on forever. I’m dedicating this post to all of my 20-something year old friends, acquaintances, and random readers (if ever I’m lucky enough to have random people reading my blog). This is to us and to our years of complete and utter confusion. Let’s enjoy the journey and hope we figure it out… eventually, but no rush.
Cheers.
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