I went to see Disney’s “Moana” with my daughter and some friends last week. It was fun, exciting, and entertaining as most Disney movies are, but this story stood out to me. Here’s why.
At the end of the movie (SPOILER ALERT), Moana and her demigod companion, Maui, while on their quest to give back the mystical heart to the goddess of the island Te Fiti, encounter a terrifying lava monster who they believe is preventing them from fulfilling their mission.
First, they try to fight the monster, but to no avail—the monster only grows angrier. Soon, Moana discovers that the terrifying monster is actually the goddess of the island Te Fiti herself, who has turned into a fierce lava monster because she has lost her heart.
Armed with this realization, she does something completely counterintuitive, yet incredibly powerful and effective: She stands strong, calm, and unafraid, and tells the monster that she knows who it truly is.
This act of kindness calms the monster, and inspires it to move towards Moana to reclaim its heart, thereby transforming back into the loving island of Te Fiti.
As I held my scared daughter on my lap, I was blown away by how perfectly this final scene serves as a metaphor for parenting. In our daily lives, our children will inevitably explode with anger. They will become irrational, fierce, and (sometimes) completely lose control—just like the lava monster.
When this happens, we have an important choice about how we respond to them when they have “lost their hearts,” so to speak. We can respond with fear, by withholding love, by fighting back, or trying to “put them in their place,” all in a futile attempt to stop their emotional “lava.” As you can guess, none of these strategies ultimately work in these most desperate moments, and certainly not in the long run.
Just like in the movie, these tactics will cause our children’s “lava” to grow bigger and fiercer, and we will feel defeated, exhausted, and most importantly, we will be unable to find common ground with our children.
Instead, our children need us to make the most unlikely move, and understand that their anger is a cry for help. They need us to be like Moana: grounded, unafraid, loving, and empathic.
When they yell horrible words, attempt to hurt us, or just lose themselves completely, this must signal to us that they need our strength and empathy the most. They need us to believe in who they really are, and take a stand for them when they can’t for themselves.
We all have a monster inside us who can rear its ugly head when we feel threatened, tired, hungry, or are simply having a hard day. We must see underneath our children’s “monster” selves, and understand what is happening inside them. When our children are behaving the worst, perhaps they have “lost their hearts,” and they need us to return it to them.
So, the next time my daughter has a total meltdown, I will try to remember this powerful scene, and think to myself, What Would Moana Do? And if that doesn’t work, maybe I’ll try a musical number—that might work, too.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.