Do you ever wonder why some young people still love church? We do, too, so we asked them.
Their most common answer? Because it’s like family.
In the midst of the widespread shrinking and aging of Protestant and Roman Catholic Congregations, our research team at the Fuller Youth Institute recently studied over 250 congregational bright spots. These churches are creatively engaging 15-29-year-olds and consequently growing in both impact and size.[1]
We had a hunch at the start of our research that authentic community would be important to teenagers and young adults in these churches. But we were surprised at how important it actually was.
What young people can’t stop talking about
When we asked young people in these congregations to describe their churches, they couldn’t stop talking about the warmth they experienced in the church community.
When we asked these same young people what keeps them involved in their church, their top response was personal relationships.
Some of the churches in our study had skinny jean-wearing cool leaders. Others had amusement park-caliber facilities. Still others showcased near-professional musicians.
But these churches were the exception, not the rule.
What was much more universal? Authenticity and hospitality. When it comes to young people in churches today, warm is the new cool.
Why warmth matters today
Developmentally, 15-29-year-olds have always hungered for a sense of belonging. But today’s young people are ravenous for community due, in part, to their own family experiences.
Despite the best efforts on the part of loving parents, research shows that parental divorce leaves young people today permanently conflicted, ping-ponging back and forth between parents in a game they never wanted to play. They end up feeling like they partially belong in both parents’ worlds, meaning they fully belong in neither. Lacking a secure sense of belonging at home, children of divorce are three times as likely to feel alone and twice as likely to feel unsafe.[2]
Perhaps in part because of the failed marriages they have seen firsthand, today’s young adults are delaying the start of their own families. The median ages for first marriage are now nearly 27 for women and 29 for men, both of which are more than five years later than 50 years ago.[3] The average age for women bearing their first child is 26 years—also five years later than previously.[4] And more and more adults are choosing to follow neither of these pathways at all.
Redefining “family”
In the midst of the pain of parental divorce and the choice to wait to launch their own families, the church remains a vital source of relationships with peers as well as with both older and younger generations.
Young people are drawn to churches that are more like family rooms than theatres, and that invite young people not just to share beliefs, but to share life.
As one of our interviewees described, “The internet can’t help you move to your new apartment. Only a close community will do that.” Well said.
Learn more about our Growing Young project here.
[1] For the full results of the study, see the newly-released Growing Young: 6 Essential Strategies to Help Young People Discover and Love Your Church (Baker Books, fall 2016).
[2] Elizabeth Marquardt, Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce (New York: Three Rivers Press, 2005), 48, 59, 85.
[3] Pew Research Center, “Barely Half of U.S. Adults Are Married—A Record Low,” December 14, 2011, http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2011/12/14/barely-half-of-u-s-adults-are-married-a-record-low/.
[4] National Vital Statistics Report, “Births: Final Data for 2013,” vol. 64, no. 1, January 15, 2015, http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr64/nvsr64_01.pdf; and T. J. Matthews and Brady E. Hamilton, “Delayed Childbearing: More Women Are Having Their First Child Later in Life,” NCHS Data Brief, no. 21, August 2009, http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db21.pdf.