Blog on Step #3...Look for Answers...don't stop until you've found them.
There are reasons why you are a chronic dieter, and if you have an eating disorder, there are reasons for that too. Do you know what they are? My guess is, probably not. That's why you're reading this! It's important to know the "why" behind your behavior. Some people will disagree with me here. They would say that it's not important to understand "why" you are doing what you are doing. It's only important to know "how" you're going to stop the behavior. This is "why" I disagree. Let's take overeating as an example.
There are plenty of programs out there that promise to show you "how" to lose weight, and "how" to stop overeating. They will tell you what to eat, and, so as to not leave anything to chance, they will even provide the food for you in its correct serving size. You don't have to think about anything...just buy the food and eat what they tell you to eat. Great, but for how long? What happens when you've lost all the weight and you're ready to eat on your own again? If you haven't addressed the "why" for overeating in the first place, you will most likely go back to your old way of eating.
Step #3 Look for Answers...don't stop until you've found them, asks you to explore what needs were getting met with food. What needs are being met by over-eating? Your needs are the "why". If you don't figure this one out, you'll never know how to get those needs met in a life-serving way, a way that does not require you to use food. And this, my friends, is one of the reasons that dieting alone does not work! Here is my friend Lisa's story: "I finally decided, after a long struggle, that it was OK to divorce my husband. Since he was overweight, I stayed slightly "padded" as well, although I was naturally athletic and petite. I realized, as I grew further away from him in my heart, I was still trying to stay connected by identifying with him -- by having this thing in common -- fat. After all, if I got really into shape, I would become more attractive to others and myself and would have to deal with a whole new can of worms -- our lack of intimacy and my own buried sexuality. My padding helped to insulate me from feeling a lot of fear and guilt. I'm very happy to report; I found the courage to take care of myself. I've worked through my feelings and proceeded with my divorce. Exercise kept me sane and in great shape. And most surprising and blessed of all -- a very special and fit man has come into my life!
Any woman, man or child trying to break free of dieting or an eating disorder must be willing to be fearless in their search for answers. If it were easy, then millions upon millions of us wouldn't need to be dieting; wouldn't loathe ourselves so much that making ourselves vomit or starving ourselves would seem reasonable. For many of us, body dissatisfaction has been a life-long struggle. We don't stop to ask ourselves who's standard of beauty are we conforming to; our culture's, our family's, or friends'? Who was it that told you that you were anything less than beautiful? Why did you believe them? Why do you chase after the need for self-worth based upon your weight? Aren't you more than just your body? I know I am. As someone who has both met the cultural norm for beauty and has defied it too, I can tell you that my own self esteem comes from doing "esteemable" things, NOT by fitting into a size 4 pants.
I have been a warrior in my quest for happiness and self-acceptance. Here are some of the places I've looked to find MY answers:
You Can Heal Your Life - Louise Hay
Celestine Prophecy - James Redfield
Conversations With God - Neal Donald Walsh
Countless other self-help books
Hypnotherapy
Inner child work
12 step work
Yoga
Individual therapy
Group therapy
Life coaching (learning non-violent communication)
Sitting in circle with women
Drumming
Graduate work in psychology
Acupuncture, chiropractic care, massage therapy
The Mind Body Prescription - John Sarno MD (cured my chronic lower back pain)
Movement and dance therapy
Volunteer work every week
Women's retreats
Master and control of body (aerobics teacher, pilates, ballet, jazz, triathalons)
The Artist's Way course
Drugs for depression
Nordic Runes, I Ching, Feng Shui
Dream boards, vision boards
Started a business
And this is only what comes to mind! I haven't always found the answers I was looking for, but inevitably whatever path I was on led me to the next path. It's a matter of "way leading unto way" as Robert Frost so eloquently wrote in his famous poem "The Road Less Traveled" (read a great book by the same name too!). What have you tried in looking to find happiness and acceptance for yourself other than by losing weight? Let's have a real conversation about this. Please visit my website www.colleenperry.com and we'll continue to share our stories. Sometimes it's the need for connection, and the need to be heard and accepted by others that underlies our love/ hate relationship with food. We can help one another. Next week's blog will be on Step #4...Look for solutions...stop submitting, stop rebelling.
1. Admit you have needs that haven't been met.
2. Seek help and support.
3. Look for answers...don't stop until you've found them.
4. Look for solutions...stop submitting, stop rebelling.
5. Practice gratitude daily.
6. Develop a balanced point of view.
7. Share your stories with others...you are not alone.
8. Clear away the wreckage of your past...mourn the lost opportunities.
9. Continuously revise your life story.
10. Practice honesty and compassion for self and others.
11. Meet your needs..communicate honestly and directly.
12. Knowing that you are not powerless, food will fall into its healthful place.