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In 1969, Elvis Presley sang, “Are you lonesome tonight?”
Who would have thought almost fifty years later, despite being more connected, instantly, across the globe than any time in history, the answer to this question for Americans in 2017 is a resounding YES.
In fact, since 1980, Americans who identify as feeling lonely has doubled, shooting up from 20% to 40%.
Loneliness in America is such a concern it’s being highlighted as the public hazard of the century, an epidemic that rivals obesity and cigarette smoking as a risk factor for premature death.
Even more disconcerting is that mental health issues and social isolation concerns are at an all time high among our youth and are not at all limited to our seniors and our middle aged though loneliness for both these groups has also skyrocketed. Janis Whitlock, director of the The Cornell Research Program on Self-Injury and Recovery states, “[young people] are “in a cauldron of stimulus they can't get away from, or don't want to get away from, or don't know how to get away from.”
According to researchers who study socially isolated primates and humans, feelings of loneliness and social isolation can cause so much stress it literally adversely affects your brain and body as the brain shifts into self preservation mode and the body locks into a fight or flight status which can lead to more inflammation and lowered immune systems.
2017 findings cite increased risk for mortality as high as a 32% probability and those feeling lonely as young as 6 years old. There’s even a new diagnosis being shopped called “internet addiction” with symptoms close to those of depression as well as a behavioral profile characterized as the “the constant checker.” From 2005-2015, American social media use jumped from 7 percent to 65 percent; 75% of teens have a phone and one fourth of teens say they are “constantly connected.” Even more startling, teens who spend 3 or more hours per day on devices have a 35% chance of being at risk for suicide with teen loneliness spikes being more pronounced beginning in 2013, precisely following the 2012 point in America when smartphone use surpassed 50 percent; this per an expert who has studied generational differences for 25 years.
As anxiety and depression have correlations to loneliness and both tend to be underreported, statisticians speculate these figures are most likely higher. Children and youth today are so immersed in media parents today not only have to manage their homework and wellbeing but their child’s “media portfolio” as well as their own.
Even more interesting? According to data compiled via Time Magazine, parental phone use behavior is mirroring that of youth.
While there’s still much discussion surrounding what came first, the unhappy person online or the unhappiness from too much screen time, the bottom line per 2017 data is this: all screen time activity roads lead to measurably less happiness, increased likelihood for loneliness as well as metabolic syndrome and over all a shorter life on this earth. In short and without the intent to be dramatic: too much screen time is killing us.
For years we’ve been told that too much television is not good for our health and now with the introduction of the smart phone and the concomitant rise of social media too much screen time is adversely affecting our psychological well being with negative feelings that arise from use, characterized as a “phenomena.” So you might not feel positive or happy but you can’t exactly put into words why. To better explain the phenomena, what the data indicates is that when we allow our brains to rest, the tendency is for thoughts to go inward to the self which can magnify loneliness; loneliness and depression are often inner related. Social media then often conjures up feelings being left out or into comparison mode (what teens have struggled with forever) which exasperates the loneliness causing both to rise.
While a Centers for Disease Control report did not address why suicide among teen girls has reached a forty year record high in 2015, of note is the fact that girls do use social media more often than boys. Moreover, people who visited social-media platforms most frequently=58 visits per week or more or approximately 8 times per day had more than three times the odds of perceived social isolation than those who visited fewer than nine times total per week according to a July 2017 study conducted at the University of Pittsburgh and featured via National Public Radio.
Apparently, social media is sucking the social right out of us.
Compounding matters are other behavioral patterns such as the fact that over the last five decades American socialize less, half the population is not married, more Americans are living alone, childbirth and marriage rates are down and approximately 14 % of the population or to get more specific, 43 million adults over age 45 are suffering from chronic loneliness; middle aged men are more at risk per the Centers for Disease Control.
A 2012 American Freshman survey found that the priority of 81% college students was to be “very well off financially” compared with the life goals of the 1965 class to “start a family” and “help others.” The number of teens who get together with their friends nearly every day dropped by more than 40 percent from 2000 to 2015; the decline has been especially steep recently. And because youth today live their social life on their phone, there’s no need to leave the house to see friends. There’s also not a real draw to become independent or leave home with more Americans, for the first time in 130 years, living with their parents. As education is ranked higher among parents than getting a job, this value is also cited as drawing away from becoming independent.
As the internet and social media are weaved into a way of life for a lot of Americans, including President Trump who has chosen twitter as a primary form of communication, for example, scientists speculate our issues surrounding loneliness are projected to increase. Moreover, when it comes to loneliness, being proactive is everything because have you ever noticed how those feelings associated with loneliness can just creep up on you? Princess Kate Middleton recently discussed her experiencing these sentiments of feeling lonely and helped better explain this phenomena.
As it can be challenging for adults to put into words how they feel, doing so can be even more difficult for a young person who is already struggling with other issues such as identity and development, raging uncontrollable hormones as well as trying to practice vital social skills needed into adulthood.
As depression begins in young adulthood, with most mental health issues identifiable before age 25, arming yourself with some knowledge and preventative measures may prove useful as being proactive can be everything particularly as Winter is around the corner and can be an emotionally tough period for many Americans.
19 Tips To Manage Screen Time & Increase Mental Health Wealth
As screen time is a part of American households and lifestyle, approach the issue as you would oxygen on a plane; address the needs and habits of the caretaker first then seek more specifics regarding the children in the household. Get your mask on, breathe and gently dive in knowing that Rome was not built in a day.
1. The first step is to be aware of your habits and those of your children and then own the behavior WITHOUT beating yourself up. It’s not being characterized as an epidemic because you’re the only one overusing screen time, quite the opposite in fact. Moreover, internet addiction is a relatively unchartered water with effects and health hazard potentials evolving as I type this so we are learning specifics as we go along. If there’s just a few reports you have time to read, I recommend the following via the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP)which just updated their use recommendations in 2016 AND includes how to’s for a family media use plan and this one from Psychology Today which contains specifics about how screen time affects the brain.
2. With input from every household member, choose to implement a media use plan to set the tone regarding all screen time use. Click here for more specifics from the AAP via their Council on Communications and Media. Children ages 2 to 5 years can now view an 1 hour per day of high-quality programs with the recommendation that parents should co-view media with children to help them understand what they are seeing and apply it to the world around them. For children ages 6 and older, place consistent limits on the time spent using media, and the types of media, and make sure media does not take the place of adequate sleep, physical activity and other behaviors essential to health. Realistically, as 75% of children will be exposed to television before age 2, which counts as screen time, establishing use guidelines and boundaries as early as possible can help guide future use. If you need samples visit HealthyChildren.org per the American Academy of Pediatrics.
3. Recognize that parent and student loneliness are not the same. Strategies that might work for adults will not address the issues young people face today. Teens have a portion of their identity and worth wrapped up in their relationships which means that other youth will most likely have more influence over your teen than you, so understanding their journey is an important component.
4. Scientific data affirms that social loss and rejection are more painful than we might realize. Multiple studies have found that the part of the brain that processes the physical pain of say, a broken leg also lights up when heartbreak or similar forms of loss occurs. Our brain processes social pain the way it processes physical pain. The isolation of social media causes the brain to go inward which can conjure up feelings of rejection, being excluded and/or comparisons and other hurtful feelings. Stepping away from the computer screen may quite literally make you feel better and it’s important for the occurrence of that “phenomena” to be verbalized to children as well.
5. Normalize/affirm the fact that too much screen time results in unhappy feelings which has correlations to depression. The earliest studies with babies affirm that face to face interactions are a basic human need that is never going away; having that discussion with your family may be helpful and lessen feelings of isolation.
6. Ask your child for solutions on how he/she has successfully coped with loneliness and/or other challenges. Realize that your child may be having a conversation with you one moment and then answering questions from a dozen friends at once with one text. It’s a lot different today and not a situation navigated by previous generations. Starting with their voice and their beliefs will not only give you greater insight to your child BUT asking them to present solutions is a wonderful skill to develop for their future workplace endeavors.
7. Schedule your screen time use with specific goals and create a routine/ritual that works for you. Give yourself a few weeks to tweak the plan as you go. A quality that has been identified among our most successful and often our most regarded leaders? They carve out time for inner peace and live by habitual acts that are non-negotiables. Creating a routine, carving out appointments with your self and your family are absolutely a part of self care. One of the biggest gifts we can give children is to provide life skills via coaching/mentoring and live a life that contains some healthy habits/traditions that might stick in the future. If you find that task to be daunting, consider some conjoint sessions with a family psychotherapist to get you on track; he/she can also help you establish a family media plan. Please keep in mind that according to several reports, the sweet spot will be to not visit social media sites more than 8x a day and/or spend a total of 3 hours on a screen. I try to think of my telephone as a portable television. Would I be able to watch TV all day? Most likely that would not be part of a work day so check into your phone or social media like you would your favorite show or task. Set a start time and end time and that’s it.
8. Become a “Media Mentor” and set the example. Yes, this idea might feel annoying and/or challenging. Welcome to parenting, lol. Please do not beat yourself up if you’re not perfect (we are humans! not programmed robots!) so just keep working towards the goals you’ve set for yourself and as a family.
9. Consider creating screen free zones/space in your home. In my family, our screen free time is at dinner time. I’m definitely working on finding more set windows. I’m also opening my self up to the possibility of dare I say it, ENTIRE SCREEN FREE DAYS. There are also apps to monitor online family use like Rescuetime.
10. Consider reducing how often you post in your social media portfolio and/or consider reducing your portfolio outlets. Remember that a post welcomes online interactions which takes up your in person to person time.
11. Stop sleeping with your phone. No, really. Remember when we didn’t sleep with phones? Try it for a night and check in with yourself. I’m working on getting it out of the room I sleep in completely. I also learned quite a bit about myself when I accidentally left my phone at home for an entire work day. And you know what? I survived and actually enjoyed my day. I was however, able to connect with a friend as my back up so that helped alleviate any stress of not being instantly connected to my children. So, may be consider leaving your phone at home once a month to start and trading that off time with a friend as your backup. Create your own plan based on what works for you. We have survived up until now without our phones so it might be a relief to revisit a time when we didn’t have phones.
12. Commit to getting face to face social interaction as an act of self care and encourage your young person to, too. In a 2015 study the inability to decipher between real and online lives was a struggle for 13 years olds; meeting in person helps reduce that blur. Generation Z kids today don’t need to leave home to be with their friends. Spending in person time with friends will decrease subjective unhappiness by 20%. In person connections with people who are consistent and supportive always ranks high in elevating well-being and reduces premature death in half. What is meant by social connections? It means the ability to choose to put your phone away, forget about documenting and just BE in the moment. That can absolutely feel challenging so consulting a professional or joining a group that’s also struggling with connecting can help you get there because again, you are not alone in this ubiquitous struggle.
13. Practice empathy. Click here to see why more screen time will result in a reduction of social skills. Data indicates that our youngest generations will most likely need assistance honing social skills and connecting; one of the most important learned behaviors can be empathy. How powerful is it to have someone say to you: “Just take a breath. No matter what comes next I’m meeting you exactly where you are, AS YOU ARE, and we are going to get through this together.” As parents and as people, we have the power to set that kind of tone. And some times kids just want you because they need to have a safe space to park their feelings and/or just release them and cry. It can also be as basic as saying, “is it possible that you’ve had too much screen time? Let’s turn it all off together. What can I do to help you feel better?”
14. Practice Acts of Kindness & Go for the Helpers High. Kindness lights up the reward centers of the brain providing a “helpers high” and a release of endorphins similar to a runner’s high. Check out the details of that measurable, proven phenomena here: https://medium.com/@happysciencemom/get-high-with-your-kids-by-helping-others-eea56a0451a5
15. Is it possible to make sleep a household priority? Almost 60% of teens were sleep deprived in 2015 compared to 1991 patterns with time on devices resulting in measurably less hours of sleep. Sleep deprivation has specific health ailments such as lowered reasoning, weight gain and a suppressed immune system (check out this source: http://valleysleepcenter.com/the-affect-of-sleep-on-the-immune-system/). As an Instagram friend, Angela ( @angtwinstead) recently pointed out, “It’s so dumb to say things like I’ll sleep when I’m dead like no, you won’t, you’re gonna be dead.” The data indicates she’s right.
16. Consider trading your skills and making new friends at the same time. A new website called linkages was inspired by the idea that loneliness is a growing dilemma and that shouldn’t be as “everyone has something to offer.” It was created by Dr. Paul Tang of the Palo Alto Medical Foundation and seeks to increase in person connections by doing just that: Visit linkages: https://community.linkages.org/who-can-join/ for more information. Per Dr. Tang, “In America, you almost need an excuse for knocking on a neighbor’s door. We want to break down those barriers.” If this website is not for you, consider doing a book group or a food cooking trade with a friend. Just that one additional interaction per week will reduce isolation.
17. Welcome elements of accountability. Connect with a local group at your church, mosque, shrine, synogue, temple or wellness center or a walking group or even consider group therapy as it costs less than private sessions. Making a commitment to another human being to connect at least once a week is a great start.
18. Read a book, like one made of paper. This 2016 Dartmouth study affirms that computer screen reading may be good for quick data but not as effective in teaching more complex ideas. Screens also can affect vision so going the old fashion route may be helpful for your eye health. If you are worried about recycling, which is important too, then visit your local library and/or borrow the book from a friend.
19. Make a playlist of your favorite songs and make time to SING. Outloud. Singing changes your brain and also releases those feel good endorphins. See more details here: http://ideas.time.com/2013/08/16/singing-changes-your-brain/
I hope these few tips help get you started! At the end of the day, a good anchor to remember is that we are in control of our screen time. As always, consult a professional such as your physician if you are concerned with your social media use and how it may or may not be affecting your health. And please note that while seeing others in person is consistently beneficial, if you find yourself still feeling lonely around others take note of that too and make an appointment to see your doctor and get a professional opinion. If you feel overwhelmed with carrying out these tasks and would like a neutral party to help get you started, feel free to contact a mental health practitioner for a few sessions to get yourself on track. Sometimes a neutral voice is just what the doctor ordered. Good habits take practice and having consistent and positive support can absolutely help you achieve your goals.
I leave you with these final thoughts as I run away from the computer (!!! LOL) having spent so much time collecting this data that I so hope you will find useful for you and your family.
As you learn to love yourself in all the ways that only you know you need, know that these observations are true for each and every one of us:
“You are so part of the world that your slightest action contributes to its reality. Your breath changes the atmosphere. Your encounters with others alter the fabrics of their lives, and the lives of those who come in contact with them.” -Jane Roberts
"You are unique because you were created that way. Look at little children in kindergarten. They’re all different without trying to be. As long as they’re unselfconsciously being themselves, they can’t help but shine. It’s only later, when children are taught to compete, to strive to be better than others, that their natural light becomes distorted.” -Marianne Williamson
You matter. Don’t let the reflection of a glass computer, television or phone screen take over your thoughts and tell you otherwise. Step away from the screen and take care of you. And reach out for help because remember, your doing so actually helps the person you are asking for help feel good too. It’s been scientifically proven.
Other resources for assistance are:
National Alliance on Mental Illness Helpline: 800-950-NAMI or text "NAMI" to 741741.
The Department of Health and Human Services offers resources to find assistance.
AARP's Connect2Affect.org is specifically designed to build awareness about social isolation.
Tania Bradkin can be found at: @TaniaBradkin on Twitter, @TaniaBradkin on Instagram and at: https://www.facebook.com/tania.bradkin on Facebook. Follow Tania Bradkin on Twitter: www.twitter.com/TaniaBradkin