05/15/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Ode To New York

Why I love New York. I love that I once settled a lawsuit out of court for a gift bag from an event. I love that you can have a subway car packed full of people and ride in total silence. I love that you can't get a reservation at RAOs even if you're Madonna. I love that on occasion I have been able to get a table at RAOs by doing a favor for a "neigborhood guy" (who may or may not know where Jimmy Hoffa is buried). I really love that all he ever wants are SAG screeners of animated kids movies for his daughter (please don't tell the people from SAG).

I love that that when I show up to a meeting at someone's office (after they have requested the meeting and then confirmed the appointment) that they greet me as they would a burglar: shocked at my presence, demanding an explanation of my intentions and then proceed to tell me that I AM a tough negotiator. I love that the Maritime Lacrosse field has the absolute best view of Manhattan and that you can watch a pretty good game for free (the hot dogs are a buck). I love that our Blind Governor has an eye for attractive ladies. I love that they began renovating the 59th street bridge in 1987 and the work is still in progress. I love that my father had trouble meeting me, and his grandson, at the Intrepid Museum because he couldn't find it (It's the large aircraft carrier parked on the west side of Manhattan).

I love that my son was born in the same hospital that I was. I love that he attends the same school I attended. I have mixed feelings that one of my teachers is STILL there (I didn't exactly leave the kid a stellar academic legacy). I love that an unattended cart at the supermarket will provoke more concern and alarm then an unattended bag at the airport. I like that no one looks at you strangely if you order a drink before noon at PJ Clarkes or Rumors. I love that I once asked a friend if he wanted a Bloody Mary and he responded by saying "well it is a weekday... of course." I love the fashion editor who greeted me warmly and told me "I looked good, not cool, mind you, I could never look cool" but nonetheless I looked good for me. I love that crazy people in this city are sane and the sane people are crazy. I love that most of my friends tend to be sane crazy people. I love that the guy who works down the hall from me used to be a navy seal. I am somewhat concerned that he doesn't laugh at my jokes.

I love that even if people aren't working in New York they pretend to be busy working. I love that New York is convinced it has the best tap water in the world. I think it sucks that New York has had to start treating its tap water.