12/13/2008 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

My Way, as sung by George W. Bush

(With fervent apologies to Paul Anka)

And now, the end is near
60+ days, and then I'm history.
My friend, I'll say it clear,
That I wasn't impeached, is but a mystery

I've lived a life that's full,
I've started wars just like my father;
But plan to get us out?
To tell the truth, I thought "Why bother"?

It hurt to be so loathed and yet I ruled in not a shy way,
And more, much more than this,
I did it My Way

Regrets, I've had a few;
The "Mission Accomplished" banner was certainly loony.
Not every dream came true,
I don't wake up with Carla Bruni

I planned each charted course (to get us hated by the world and our economy in the toilet)
Each careful step along the byway,
Iraq, with Rummy's help
I did it My Way

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew (like that time I choked on a pretzel, but hey, at least I didn't throw up on a world leader like Poppy Bush)
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
Wouldn't read a book, I stayed a schnook,
And did it My Way

I've loved, I've laughed and cried.
Had verbal gaffes, my share of losing.
And yes, along the way, a ton of drugs and heavy boozing

To think I did all that
And may I say - now in a dry way,
No, oh no not me,
I did it My Way
(Even when the electorate voted overwhelmingly for me to do things differently!)

For what is a man, what has he got?
It was Saddam's neck, or I had naught.
To say the things he truly feels,
And not the words of one who steals (the election from Al Gore in 2000);
The record shows my tenure blows--
I did it My Way

And now, before I close, I'll leave my mess for the Obamas,
To Crawford I'll retreat, to watch it all in my pajamas.
He's good so he'll prevail, so I must say in just a wry way,
Good luck, it's not my prob.,
He'll do it His Way

Subscribe to the Entertainment email.
Home to your favorite fan theories and the best movie recs.