More

Erica Jong

Erica Jong

Posted: November 27, 2008 01:39 AM

I Don't Cook


I don't cook. My mother didn't cook. My daughter doesn't cook.

When I met my husband, I refused to invite him home for Passover because I was embarrassed my mother might serve all the catered dishes in the wrong order. First, the dessert, then the bitter herbs, then the matzo ball soup -- you get the idea. Ken thought I was inviting another boyfriend to the Seder.

That was twenty years ago.

My family of origin used to have a Seder out of Alice in Wonderland. All we needed was a dormouse, falling into the teapot.

Now that my darling father is five years dead and my 96-year-old mother doesn't remember what a Seder is, I miss it.

It was utter chaos. My father would begin with good intentions, reading a Hagaddah which came with Barton's Chocolates or Manishewitz Wines -- but a riot soon ensued. The food came out in the wrong order; nobody remembered that everything had to be kosher and the party broke up when the Red Queen, my mother, shouted "Off with his head!" at my father -- and he went off to play Rodgers and Hart songs on his beloved Steinway.

Thanksgiving was different. We always went to the Tavern on the Green. There, my father and mother had to pretend to be civilized, my maternal grandparents (from Russia) had to pretend not to tell my parents what to do, my older sister had to dress up in her best and not tear my hair out, nor pop the buttons on my dressy blouse for spite, and my younger sister had to refrain from getting a migraine or scream "Tighter! Tighter!" as we tied the sash of her dress.

My late aunt Kitty was invited as long as she was with her husband, Dayton. When she plighted her troth to a woman partner, she was no longer invited.

"Poor Kittinka," my grandmother would say, "Why didn't you invite her?"

Because she was in Fire Island having a much better time with her friends. But we never said that to Mama and Papa. Our parents were Eda and Seymour. They were older, crazier siblings. I thought everybody lived like that.

Ah Thanksgiving. We never said grace, never gave to the needy and charged the whole thing to the family business. You could do that in the fifties. Personal expenses and business expenses were not separate -- as they are today. My father would take out a roll of cash and a stack of credit cards held together with a fat rubber band. No Goyard or Gucci wallets for him. He was from Brownsville. He never felt secure without at least $5000. In cash.

The family business took good care of us. Fancy restaurants, trips to Europe and Asia -- all legal then. We were allowed to charge books at Doubleday's but not dresses at Saks. No expense was spared for education -- though that was chaotic too.

I went to Music & Art (now LaGuardia) which was free, Barnard on a New York State scholarship -- the minimum amount because of my father's income. And my sisters went to Walden, New Lincoln, Barnard and NYU. When business was bad, they'd be pulled out of private school and when it was good, they'd be put back in. The family business was as chaotic as my family.

The family business gaveth and tooketh away. Some years it was steak, some years it was my grandmother's home cooked meals. I never learned her amazing recipes because I had to not cook to be free.

So I have always loved men who can cook -- which is fine with me.

Happy Thanksgiving.

I am grateful for Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden et al, for my sisters still being alive to taunt me, for my mother being alive -- though without her memory, for my darling husband who cooks -- like his brother and sister, for my four adorable grandchildren, for my darling daughter, who doesn't cook.

Goddess Bless America.

I can cook in my next life.

Read more Thanksgiving posts from HuffPost bloggers

I don't cook. My mother didn't cook. My daughter doesn't cook. When I met my husband, I refused to invite him home for Passover because I was embarrassed my mother might serve all the catered dishes ...
I don't cook. My mother didn't cook. My daughter doesn't cook. When I met my husband, I refused to invite him home for Passover because I was embarrassed my mother might serve all the catered dishes ...
 
 
  • Comments
  • 66
  • Pending Comments
  • 0
  • View FAQ
Comments are closed for this entry
View All
Favorites
Recency  | 
Popularity
Page: 1 2 3 4  Next ›  Last »  (4 total)
12:52 PM on 12/02/2008
I love it that Erica doesn't cook...I CAN cook but I choose NOT to...nor does my mom...we would much rather be reading or doing something else besides cooking! I know people enjoy it and I do on occasion but I live without MOST of the time! I HATE COOKING HOLIDAY MEALS because we get stuck in a rut and frankly I AM SO SICK of that same food that I keep BEGGING for us to celebrate Christmas with SOMETHING ELSE like PIZZA!!!

This is why I enjoy Erica so much that I found her blog and joined! I am reading Fear of Fifty as I am about to be 50 in a couple of years and I know she will give me a wonderful perspective and keep my laughing and THINKING!

Cheers to you who don't cook and to those who love to! We need not be enemies...
06:14 PM on 11/29/2008
I really don't get what you mean by not cooking to be free. How can you possibly be free if you're relying on other people to feed you?
10:04 PM on 11/28/2008
It must be a difference of age or circumstance...I was raised by my grandparents (dad was a farmer, mom was a clerk), and taught from a very young age how to cook. I was making my own (hot) breakfast, lunch, dinner by age nine. I was taught how to sew, too, on my mom's old dilapadated sewing machine from the 60s...and how to knit. (And even type, in school, but you kinda had to with the computer classes we took...)

And dad taught me how to change a flat, the oil, the transmission, how fix a toilet, a hot water heater, install wiring...how to grow my own food, how to use power tools -- how to drive a tractor, a baler, a combine, how to harvest. What's wrong with knowing how to cook? What's wrong with self-sufficency? The values I learned from my grandparents means I've never bought something I couldn't pay cash for. I've never had a credit card and just got my first cell phone this fall - it's prepay. I just don't think keeping these same ideas of the past will work with the kind of future we need to build.

I'm 28, and I wish my peers could have grown up with a few of the same values - or that the boomer generation remembered these values they were supposedly raised with..
09:24 AM on 11/28/2008
TO clarify my post, my comment about being Angelina Jolie (no personal beef with AJ- I'm just using her as an example because she's well known) and the pride I hear women taking in "doing it all" is the JOKE. See, to me, that's a bunch of bull women have been fed and bought into. It's this decades fallacy for females. We now should be gorgeous, fit, relaxed parents, super achiever professional, and...enjoy cooking for large groups of people on the only day off.

Clearly most people take pride in being all of that. I'm sincerely impressed, but remain dubious of the overall concept. Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving.
09:18 AM on 11/28/2008
Wow. A lot of judgment here and feeling "sorry" for Ms Jong.

I guess that sort of makes her point for her. I mean, what is so hard to get about a woman not wanting to be trapped in a role she isn't suited for? What's so hard to get about a time when women didn't have choices and were judged harshly for wanting to explore the world?

Ms Jong did a lot of important things for women; they were brave acts of courage and daring during their time. Her phrase about being free was not meant to be taken literally, for god's sake.

She's not saying she can't cook and be free. She was saying she felt like she couldn't cook and be free. In a way, this pokes fun at herself, but in another way it was probably accurate at the time. But I guess everyone here is above all of that -- are in fact, superwomen of Angelina Jolile status; saving orphans around the world, whilst cooking up a Thanksgiving and jetting round the world with international hottie and living life on great personal and professional achievement. Good for you, but give Ms. Jong a break, peeps!

Love the comments from men about women thinking their superior...Kind of missing Ms Jong's whole point, and you might want to read one of her books before posting such nonsense.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
diahni
10:12 PM on 11/27/2008
Funny, I cook to be free - of expensive restaurants, where the dishes will never rival what we eat at my house,
To me, not cooking for political reasons makes as little sense as not learning to type for fear of becoming a secretary. I also do my own plumbing for similar reasons, Better to know how to do stuff. Especially these days.
08:15 PM on 11/27/2008
I loved your essay,
Most of the time, in my growing years, I refused to eat at holiday table - to be free. Later I cooked the holiday meals- to be attached to family and friends.
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
photo
06:27 PM on 11/27/2008
As long as your humble about the privileged life you've enjoyed and give back to society you won't come back as an obscure short order cook or burger flipper.
10:11 PM on 11/27/2008
HAHAHA! Touche!
05:26 PM on 11/27/2008
I can understand what she saying. Because I COOK TO BE FREE now it is a burden, they all expect you to cook even when you are sleeping on your feet.
05:20 PM on 11/27/2008
Gosh!! That is why I read your books, you have my name also.
03:54 PM on 11/27/2008
Erica Jong wrote in her article:

"I never learned her amazing recipes because I had to not cook to be free."

That sounds familiar.

My wife's mother (June de Toth) had to not type to be free.

She was coming of age in the fifties, and had she ever learned how to type, everyone would have expected her to become a secretary. As it was she had dreams of becoming a concert pianist. And she played at Carnegie Hall -- decades ago, taught piano for a fair number of years, now has more than a couple dozen CDs, and played at the Budapest centennial in Hungary for Bela Bartok. And yes: her husband does most of the cooking, as do I at my household, more or less.
photo
PatA
Pink is a 4 letter word
02:29 PM on 11/27/2008
My cranberry sauce is chilling. I've started the dressing. My SIL is bringing turkey that he cooked. Daughter is bringing buttermilk pie that she cooked. Pumpkin pie is ready. Hot rolls are next.....I'm free as the birds who are are the feeder.
06:55 PM on 11/27/2008
Buttermilk pie?

Recipe please?
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
magicmary
01:38 PM on 11/27/2008
I"m 52 and held my very first family dinner about 3-4 years ago. What a pain in the ass! I did potlucks when I lived far away from family and hung in a more bohemian crowd. Now that's civilized. You do a small amount of cooking and a whole lot of socializing. I love the traditional turkey day feast but damn, it's really the people who matter the most and the many points of view as relish!
08:22 PM on 11/27/2008
There's always some point as I prepare the traditional meal for my parents and two brothers where I just stand in the kitchen yelling the F word -- one year it was because the raw turnip I was trying to cut rolled off the counter, out of the kitchen and ended up in the living room, where my family stared at it like it was a bomb. This year it was because my brother tied my dog to the kitchen table and I proceded to trip over the leash while carrying a pot of hot water. I managed not to scald anything, but the cusses were flying. Maybe that's what Thanksgiving is really about . . . being thankful for all those who put up with us when we stress out. And hoping they're thankful in return when we put up with their nonsense. As we say in our family . . . it was a good party. No h.omicides were committed.
01:15 PM on 11/27/2008
Isn't Ms. Jong's point that an era is over and that Americans must finally grow up?
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
berkeleygirl1962
12:58 PM on 11/27/2008
I don't do crafts. I can turn out a mouth-watering Thanksgiving dinner or seder for three dozen, but if you want centerpieces, you'll have to do it yourself.

There's a photo from my sister's fifth birthday party with a very attractive birthday cake. I made it. I was eight. My mother didn't cook. She wasn't a bad cook, she didn't cook. She had a profession that used her brain and her creativity, but no paid cooks; my dad cooked for her—he’s a good cook but it's not his passion. My sister and I baked to fill in the gaps. None of us did crafts.

My mother didn’t cook, and then she did cook: in her mid-60’s, she learned to cook because she didn’t have to cook, and because my stepfather (who, like my father and her children, also cooked for her) asked her to. And she enjoyed it, and we all enjoyed her enjoyment, and there was no longer anything I could do that she couldn’t.

This year we’re doing a potluck at my dad’s house. My stepfather, his girlfriend, my stepmother’s kids…the whole family will be there. My stepmother does crafts. My daughter and my niece spent the night there last night, so they could get up early and make fancy place cards for everyone. My mom would have been so proud of them.