03/18/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Obama Wins the Publisher's Clearing House Prize, Conservatives Protest

When the Publisher's Clearing House Van pulled up to the White House, Obama was surprised by balloons, cameras, and an over-sized check for one million dollars.

Obama said he was "humbled" that putting a gold sticker on a piece of mail could be so rewarding. He promised to continue to buy magazines at discounted prices.

Conservative critics immediately jumped on him. Rush Limbaugh said, "He may have purchased those magazines, but he hasn't read every issue that will come out this year. Therefore he won prematurely. Maybe he'd be qualified to win years from now, but right now it's a joke."

The Birther Movement says that it has more proof that Obama isn't an American citizen: One of the magazines he purchased was THE KENYA ENQUIRER.

The leader of the Death Panel movement said that Obama's purchase of both AARP and Sport Hunting proves that he not only wants to kill our seniors, but that he wants to make it a fun sport. Kind of a mix of The Running Man and Cocoon.

Rep. Michelle Bachmann said, "Old people usually win this prize. Instead, Obama has taken a one million dollar check away from a senior citizen who could have used that money to pay for nursing home care. Now she'll die for lack of health insurance. Shame on you, Obama!"

Glenn Beck said, "Obama took millions of dollars in campaign contributions from lobbyists in the Over-Sized Check industry. This is just another example of his corruption."

Sean Hannity ended his broadcast with, "I'm sure Obama will win the McDonald's Monopoly Prize too. It just proves he's pro-monopoly and anti-competition. He should collect $500 and go straight to jail."