Huffpost Comedy
THE BLOG

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors

Erin Gibson Headshot

4 of the Most Logical Solutions to the Mosque at Ground Zero Issue

Posted: Updated:

This whole "mosque at ground zero" thing got me thinking about how we could build a mosque that wouldn't make its opponents so angry. So, I made a list of how we can, as Tim Gunn says, "make it work".

#1 - Build the mosque, but surround the mosque with puppies.
You see American's, heck humans, love puppies, and once they see those cute little furry dog babies, they'll forget all about the religion going on inside that building. Next thing you know, Americans and Muslims will just be standing around the mosque, giving those puppies cute names like Max, Rockie or Bushra. And they'll all be happy, all the time. Because when the puppies get too old, they'll replace them with new puppies!!**

#2 - Ice cream!!!
Not just an ice cream truck, we'll install an ice cream slide that carries ice cream from the minaret straight into people's mouths. Think about how happy you are after eating ice cream! So happy! I had multiple servings of mint chocolate chip ice cream after my grandma died of cancer and instantly I was almost back to normal. It's a magical, milky cure all for the blues, and I think it could really help solve this problem. We'd have to figure out a good rotation of flavors. I'm not dumb enough to think that everyone's favorite flavor is vanilla, so I think putting in a nice rotation of chocolate, strawberry and pecan should satisfy everyone.

#3 - An invisible mosque.
You remember Wonder Woman? That lady had an invisible plane, so why not take that cartoon technology and apply it to an actual building in real life? I don't see any reason why not, especially since it's a particularly good idea.

#4 - Take everyone who doesn't like the mosque idea, put them in a spaceship (I'm looking at you, Richard Branson) and take them to another planet.
Then, the people who want the mosque will live on Earth. Those people who are against it can start their own civilization (we'll help them, of course - we're not monsters who would just maroon people on another planet). I mean, how fun would that be? To start your own planet? Really fun! But I won't be going, because I like the mosque idea. Which means I'll me missing out on a free trip to space, which sounds like a nice time.

You know , writing these out and posting this first draft without proofreading it has shown me that if you just spend a few minutes, you can open your mind and maybe, just maybe you'll solve some of the world's biggest problems. Like I did today.

Keep ona thinkin'!

** I haven't figured out what will happen to the old puppies. Hopefully, they'd be adopted, but logically, I know there are not enough people to adopt all the puppies it's gonna take to surround the mosque with cuteness. This plan may actually call for a lot of dogs to be euthanized.

Check me out every Thursday on Infomania 10/9C on CurrentTV.