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Obama Mama


I'm fairly certain I have read this New York Times article on Barack Obama's mother, the late Stanley Ann Dunham Soetoro, no less than five times.

I'm the first to admit my own path in motherhood is rocky. Rocky isn't the right word... it's been more like pebbles here and there, some big ass rocks, and every once in awhile the giant boulder that chases me ala Indiana Jones. Then I read something like this, and I'm stopped dead in my tracks.

'...She gave us a very broad understanding of the world,' her daughter said. 'She hated bigotry. She was very determined to be remembered for a life of service and thought that service was really the true measure of a life.' Many of her friends see her legacy in Mr. Obama -- in his self-assurance and drive, his boundary bridging, even his apparent comfort with strong women. Some say she changed them, too.

'I feel she taught me how to live,' said Ms. Nayar, who was in her 20s when she met Ms. Soetoro at Women's World Banking. 'She was not particularly concerned about what society would say about working women, single women, women marrying outside their culture, women who were fearless and who dreamed big..'

'...She was a very, very big thinker,' said Nancy Barry, a former president of Women's World Banking, an international network of microfinance providers, where Ms. Soetoro worked in New York City in the early 1990s. 'I think she was not at all personally ambitious, I think she cared about the core issues, and I think she was not afraid to speak truth to power.'"

It is no secret I am impressed with Barack Obama, but I'm even more impressed with his mother. The insight into Ms. Soetoro's life has given me that final piece of the puzzle, explaining the affection and admiration I have for this presidential candidate.

As a version of that idealist young woman, living in a very segregated hometown, I was branded time and time again.

Hippie

Feminist

Radical

Loudmouth

Bitch

Whore

Slut

N***** Lover

Geek

Traitor

None of them were meant to be compliments. All of them confused me greatly. My views were always very global and always very strong. I yearned to enact change and I found writing to be my one source of power.

The story of Ms. Soetoro, traveling to Indonesia, befriending the locals to aid... to be more and do more and to help more WHILE raising children and striving to be the best mother possible... ugh, it's twisting my heart in knots.

I want to do that. I want to be that. I want to find the energy and drive to wake up at 4am and tutor my children before a day of work.

Yet I don't.

Watching what has been happening in this country, seeing the change in attitude, in belief, in (dare I say it) hope-makes me want to be better at this Mom thing. It's so stupid to say, because I say it all the time, but I really want to try harder at this MOM role.

If I can instill that in my daughter, my son-the ideas and the emotion and the core being that makes them a leader...I must.

I must, yet tomorrow I will half pay attention to them while they ask to play hide and seek for the 5th time and want yet another cookie.

I must, yet tomorrow I will yearn to read blogs and chat online with friends while I bathe their little bodies and put away their tiny laundry.

I must, yet I'll moan and complain as they wake me early for cereal and cartoons.

Stanley Ann Dunham Soetoro is a reminder to me why I need to do more than 'must.' Why I need to remember who I am, where I came from, and why it's important to be branded by idiots.

Why it is imperative I speak my mind, push my ideas, and ignore the doubt in my head.

It's very strange having grown up firmly believing I would be the first female president, to happily content in raising the next leader of the free world. That something intangible that takes you from cocky to selfless in a heartbeat.

5-years worth of heartbeats celebrated on the 24th, another 3-years of his sister's on the 30th and this

Hippie

Feminist

Radical

Loudmouth

Bitch

Whore

Slut

N***** Lover

Geek

Traitor

is going to take inspiration and motivation away from the story of a Kansas girl and her son.

Erin Kotecki Vest writes about motherhood at QueenofSpainblog and covers Election '08 for BlogHer.com

 
 
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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
1dogs2
09:31 AM on 03/17/2008
If looking at Obama's mother's life explains some aspects of who Obama is to you, take a good look at his maternal grandmother. She's as amazing in the context of her generation as her daughter and grandson.
researcher
researcher
02:51 AM on 03/17/2008
got to see it to believe it. racist america voting a black man into the white house that only white males have occupied. he is not enough of a war monger to win. when hillary steals the nomination from him at the convention and the obama folks walk out mc war will walk right in the white house.

at least hillary knows that americans are imperialists and that is why she wins the big states and votes for war.

nader is not a war monger nor dennis and how well do they do with the american voters?

americans in their hearts are imperialists and dont have a clue they are and many are war mongers. remember bush as a 30% approval rating. that is 30% war mongers in existnece out there in american land.

the whole of fox noise message is war mongering and the industrial military complex then we have the evangels who want to kill muslims. and the south now there is the hub of war mongering. those folks join the army just to kill people.

blackwaters home base is where? even lie er mann from conn is a war monger. I mean from a demo state they elected a war monger. he had his way he would bomb iran tomorrow.

he would make a good vp for mc war or is it mc pain or mc same. no surrender from mc war no sir no matter how many americans die. he wants a win after he helped lose nam.

we call our soldiers heros even when they fight in illegal wars. now folks that is imperialism at its best.
11:56 PM on 03/16/2008
now the mom card? Damn how big IS his DECK?
10:44 PM on 03/16/2008
True strength is rare in humans.
10:35 PM on 03/16/2008
Wow! Maybe you can explain what Obama means by "change." How does he get rethugs to cooperate? You see, politics is a very *primate* trait. Even chimpanzees practice politics, albeit a very simple form. Obama is talking about changing human behavior; that's why I say he's full of crap and doesn't know what he talking about. Oops, that assumes he's telling the truth...like Bush and his compassionate conservatism and more humble foreign policy.
12:55 AM on 03/17/2008
All of us humans share a mass-consciousness. It is an aspect of our psyche. The President of our country can have a huge affect in coalescing others around his vision. If our representatives in Congress go against our will, we the people stand up, we write letters and telephone, we march in the streets. "We the People" really do have the strength to make change. And at this time, Americans are loudly proclaiming that we need forward movement and, yes, CHANGE in Washington.

That's how it happens, and it always happens similarly to this. There is a movement afoot, and you can join in and help us make progress, or you can call people chimps. Your choice.
08:14 AM on 03/17/2008
You get the Rethugs to cooperate by motivating the people to remove them from office the first chance they get if they don't cooperate.

That's what's been most important about Obama's ability to mobilize young, new and independent voters.

And that's the only way Americans will get a government that truly represents them...by getting involved.
09:19 PM on 03/16/2008
I hope Obama talks more about his mom in his campaign. I respect women who made effort to give the next generation women more opportunities, and I hope some of them can feel good by knowing that voting for Obama doen't necessarily meam that they are betraying feminism ideas. In fact, Obama will be the first president who were raised by a true feminist.
08:41 PM on 03/16/2008
Very heartfelt piece. Maybe that explains his appeal and how he's managed to captivate the hearts of so many Americans. Her spirit and legacy lives on through Barack.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
bridgeworker
08:21 PM on 03/16/2008
Thank you, Erin, aka Hippie Feminist Radical Loudmouth Bitch Whore Slut N***** Lover Geek Traitor, for celebrating this wonderful woman, Barack's mom, the late Stanley Ann Dunham Soetoro.

I have recently been wishing that she was still alive to both enjoy and participate in her son's bid for the Presidency of the U.S. I've been feeling that hearing her voice now would be an important addition to telling the truth about the man, Barack Obama. Since she is no longer with us, I think it will take all of us women who admire her and strive to continue in her footsteps, to call on her spirit, and stand up in her stead. How better to represent the best of what a feminist in this day and age is called upon to do?
07:39 PM on 03/16/2008
She sounds like an amazing woman. I have such admiration for people who forge their destiny and is not afraid of being seeing as outcast and is open and embracing to people who are different. These are the kind of women that I can identify with. Kudos to her for being such an amazing woman and instilling those values in her children. How unfortunate that when we look at the history books we likely wont see any kind of acknowledgement to women like her.

Carol
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
army193
06:03 PM on 03/16/2008
I fully agree with PKSSK statement...Thanks Erin
05:28 PM on 03/16/2008
Thank you. Your comments are a compliment to a beautiful article on a beautiful person and spirit, Barack Obama's mother. I think we can all see how her spirit lives on in her son, who wants to make the world a better place for all.
04:56 PM on 03/16/2008
I consider myself a loud mouth, independent feminist; raised by a single mother. My mother left my dad, while she was pregnant with me for having an affair ( she told me the truth when I was 3 years old). My mom is my hero, from her I learned hard work, independence, no excuses and integrity. Hence, I can't relate to Hillary Clinton or Geraldine Ferraro, I don't get how either of them speaks for feminist today, especially when they both play a victims. Growing up, my mother never used her color or her gender to complain; when she had to get up at 5 am to take the bus in the freezing cold, when she never got a promotion, or why she did not get a raise when she deserved it; I saw it all ...instead my mother instilled in me the notion that as a woman that my education would give me a ground to stand on ( and yes I have University Education and own my own business) because no one was going to give me an handout, nor should I expect one. I indentify with Senator Obama, because, he embodies the same message, my mother taught me. What Ms. Clinton and Ms. Ferraro, fail to understand is that perhaps there is a new generation of feminist; single working mothers, raising sons and daughters on their own...and those women as well as their daughters...won't just vote for a woman because she is woman, instead they are referencing their own mothers; looking for traits of independence, hard work, NOT "FIGHT" - but DETERMINATION ....Hillary Clinton...standing her husband, during his affair for me is not evidence of strength, but evidence of weakness and personal ambition...and that as far as I know that isn't feminism.
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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
obamagal
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself~FDR
11:06 PM on 03/16/2008
HI Maureen,

I'm one of those single mom's of a daughter who is a feminist, just like you and your Mom. Your story parallels mine :). I could not agree more with your sentiments regarding Clinton and Ferraro and I feel insulting by the feminine guilt placed on us women who use our minds and not our sex, to determine our vote. To be Barack IS the feminist vote, thanks to the wonderful upbringing of his mother, motherhood personified, his strong wife, and two lovely daughters. Barack is comfortable in his skin, surrounded by strong women. It couldn't be better.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Tane
Photographer, child and parent mentor
04:56 PM on 03/16/2008
I agree, Obama's mother was an amazingly open minded and forward thinking person. I too was impressed with her parenting and it certainly shows in both Barack and his sister. I wish she were still with us so we could all be enlightened by this great woman. I'd say those labels people have branded you with are ones to be very proud of indeed.
02:08 PM on 03/16/2008
"N*****-lover" ...man, that's so outdated. Can you imagine anyone being called that now, in the 21st century? With rap and hip-hop being so popular, and Dave Chapelle and Barack Obama as our idols, we might be the "N*****-lover" generation. ...When Obama's presidential approval ratings are soaring, we'll be a whole country of "N*****-lovers." I'm giddy just thinking about it.

Jack Kennedy's Presidency all but silenced anti-Catholicism. It's hard to argue that a group is inferior when among their ranks was the best president of the past fifty years. I hope that the same thing, to a degree, happens to much of the racism in our country.
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HUFFPOST PUNDIT
MsLiz
burned out attorney, flaming liberal
09:49 PM on 03/16/2008
Do you live in the South? I have not heard the term for forty years, but I haven't forgotten it. It conjures up fear of violence. Strange to hear you use it the way you do. Chilling. I don't want to hear it ever again.
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01:57 PM on 03/16/2008
I read the same story Erin and was overcome with admiration for Stanley Ann Dunham Soetero aka Obama's mother. I do see her in Obama, the world view, the big thinking, the idealism. It is difficult to be that type of person when others mock and call names out of their own insecurity. But, it is so brave for anyone, let alone a young single mother, to forge ahead on your own path regardless at a time when women and minorities were oppressed by society.

The United States, at no other time that I can remember in my life, needs someone with a world view, a big-thinking idealist who inspires the whole country - not just the standard 'base' of their chosen party - to lead. For the last 8 years it was evident our president was only governing his ever shrinking percentage of supporters while letting the rest of us languish. I don't want another divisive president who uses fear politics to influence Americans to their way of thinking. I want someone who will be open, who will listen, who will look at the big picture and consider the country as a whole. I've had enough of partisanship. So have the people.