THE BLOG
11/15/2012 10:06 pm ET Updated Jan 15, 2013

Do Divorced Parents Have Something to Prove?

Once, your kids were part of an intact family. But perhaps those days -- the good old days -- weren't always good for them, or maybe they don't have much to miss because they can't remember them. What if things are good for them now? Despite all the stories, stereotypes and studies, divorce doesn't have to destroy your kids.

Despite divorce rates and the increase in blended families, many adults still have preconceived notions of kids of divorce. They look at them with worry, pity, angst, sadness, confusion or fear. And as two-parent households continue to rise, the term "broken home" still prevails. Worries that these kids will become bullies, decline academically, struggle socially, suffer more health problems and face destinies of their own divorces abound.

It's not just same-sex couples, like the parents in the movie "The Kids Are Alright," that have something to prove because they're different than what people consider "normal." Divorced parents also have something to prove. People are just waiting for kids of divorce to mess up, fall apart or be that screwed-up friend.

The divorced kids may no longer live in the biggest house or gather around a fancy dining room table for big family holiday dinners. But they start new traditions where plenty of love and laughter remains -- whatever the room, whoever the company.

They may get a little tired of trying to keep track of where their stuff is. Shin guards and favorite t-shirts can be hard to find. But they learn to be organized and more responsible because they have to.

They may have different routines at two different houses, from breakfasts and chores to board game rules and bedtimes. But they learn to be adaptable and won't get as thrown by change.

They may get confused about visitation schedules and where they're sleeping at first, but there's an app for that. They keep track of their time on their iTouches and Tablets.

They may miss their mom or dad on any given night, but that other parent is a touch away with Facetime.

They may try to pin mom against dad when trying to break a rule or buy something special, but co-parenting can conquer all that.

But these divorced kids -- many of them -- are alright.

More than alright.

They are all around us, busting the myths and stereotypes and doomsday reports about their future. They are exceling in school, fitting in socially, thriving on the sports fields, getting good grades and being called "well-rounded."

I am a divorced parent. Do I feel I have something to prove? Pretty much every day, yes. But not today. Because when a pregnant teacher asks my kids' dad and I, "What is your secret to raising such a great kid and how do I bottle it for my future baby?" there's nothing to defend.

Divorce doesn't have to destroy your kids.

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