"I can't wait to get drunk this weekend!"
How many times a week do you find yourself thinking that or saying it out loud to your friends?
I used to say it at least three times a week and I couldn't even tell you the amount of times I'd think it. Friday would roll around and all I could think was, What am I going to have for pre-game drinks? I'd send a text to my "friends" asking who was coming to the club with me and if someone responded saying they weren't coming, I would not be happy... how could they possibly not want to get drunk with me this weekend?
I didn't know any better.
Weekends, at that time in my life, were made up of vodka, junk food, hangovers, trashy TV, sketchy memories and people that I bonded with about all of those things.
On the outside I was this fun, hilarious, confident party girl, but on this inside, I was screaming out for help.
There were nights when I'd lie awake in bed wondering if I'd feel this alone forever. I'd hang on every word the guy I knew was bad for me would spin, thinking, maybe one day, he'll want me.
It was easy to get drunk.
It was easy to be with the bad guy.
It was easy to ignore my pain rather than face it.
There are definitely still some weeks where I think, Man, it would be awesome to just get hammered and forget about (insert crappy thing that's happened) for just a moment. But now I prefer to face my problems, because the old me, who would've drowned her sorrows in a bottle of vodka and gotten herself into a lot of stupid situations, nearly destroyed her body and definitely lost sight of her dreams. Plus, getting hammered every weekend definitely didn't make her problems disappear. In fact, they got worse.
It's sweet if you want to go out with your friends and have a few drinks on the weekend with the intention of having fun and not getting wasted. It's only natural to want to have a night out with your gal pals and when it becomes a novelty, it is super special to be able to share those fun times together, usually celebrating something rad.
But are you going out every weekend because the thought of being at home alone freaks you out?
Are you worried about what other people will say or think about you if you decide to have a night in? Do you not want to miss out on your only opportunity for the week to meet a new guy? Does being alone scare you?
I know a few years ago I would have hesitantly answered 'yes' to all of the above. I would have cried at the thought of spending a Saturday night in watching a movie. If I had a family thing or a commitment that I couldn't get out of, I would always make sure I had a getaway plan to go and meet the crew wherever they were, because if I didn't go, I might "miss out on something fun."
The truth is that all of those nights have blended in to one. All of those nights caused me more harm than good... Not to mention how much they drained my bank account!
So, I want you to ask yourself: WHY do you want to get drunk this weekend?
What is the drinking really masking?
What's really going on in that beautiful head of yours that is making you want to escape yourself for a night?
I loved who I was when I was drunk. I was witty and confident and fun. But that is me all the time... I just wasn't comfortable being me without the liquid courage.
I couldn't find myself when I was sober, because I hadn't tried looking.
I LOVE nights in now. Yes, I also love hitting the dance floor once in a while. But my weekends are my time to catch up on the things that I love doing and come Friday and Saturday night, I'm keen to just put on my PJ's, get a good movie and chill out (boyfriend or no boyfriend -- my dog is a pretty good cuddler, too). I just as happily catch up with a soul sister for dinner and head home afterwards. And I believe that the reason for this is because I face my problems, I let myself feel emotions that I need to so that I can move forward and live a full and vibrant life.
The girl that I was is nowhere near as awesome as the one I am now.
Some people may miss "funny drunk Erin," but the ones that do are the ones who still go out every weekend and hide their pain with drunk smiles.
What are you running from?
Erin helps single women in their 20's overcome fear, self-doubt and that stuck feeling.. You can find her at www.erinreghenzani.com.au
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