I know. You get no end of pleasure by sending "fun" quizzes to all your Facebook peeps. Then you wonder why people have quietly unfriended you.
Listen, my friend (or former friend, as the case may be), I have news for you. Though you may find such quizzes endlessly amusing, you could be annoying the piss out of your Facebook peeps. Or, worse, coercing them to open their kimonos and show their dangly bits to rapacious data mining companies and identity theft scammers. Yes, it's true.
And you wouldn't want that, because one day you may find yourself short of cash overseas and will need to your Facebook friends to wire you $4000 (wink, wink).
How do you know if you're a total Facebook knob? Why, take this Facebook Quiz, naturally.
1. If you were stuck in coach on an overcrowded flight and had to take a window seat next to one of the following people, which one would you choose?
a. Vlad The Impaler
b. Bob The Builder
c. Smokey The Bear
d. Mack The Knife
2. Which of the following classic song lyrics best typifies your love life?
a. Though I appear to be carefree, it's only to camoflague my sadness
b. Love, it's a bitch
c. Girls will be boys and boys will be girls
d. Just beat it, beat it, beat it
3. If Star Trek were real and you were a fictional TV character, which of following captains would play you?
a. James T. Kirk
b. Jean Luc Picard
c. Kathryn Janeway
d. Han Solo
4. Does the fact that option d. in that last question is actually from Star Wars, not Star Trek, really piss you off?
a. Yes
b. Yes
c. Yes
d. jIH DIchDaq HoH SoH DaH*
5. If you woke up one morning and discovered you were now a ghoulish otherworldy creature, what kind of ghoulish otherworldly creature would you be?
a. Zombie
b. Vampire
c. Werewolf
d. American Idol Contestant
6. You've just been elected capo de capos of your local Mafia family. What nickname would you choose?
a. The Knife
b. The Spatula
c. The Big Cannoli
d. Poodles
7. If you were writing the next installment of the Harry Potter series, Hermoine Gringold would be expelled from Hogwarts for which of the following offenses:
a. Fondling Professor Snape's wand
b. Playing Hide the Nimbus 2000 with Headmaster Dumbledore
c. Practicing her orals with Headmistress McGonagall
d. Being a little too fond of unicorns
8. If you had to choose pet names for your a) breasts or b) testicles, what would they be?
a. Cagney & Lacey
b. Starsky & Hutch
c. Sacco & Vanzetti
d. Peaches & Herb
9. What best describes your attitude toward Facebook quizzes?
a. I take every Facebook quiz that's offered me and invite all my friends
b. I not only take quizzes, I create and send them to all my friends
c. I am a complete and utter tool
d. All of the above
10. There is no question #10. Does that annoy you?
a. Yes
b. No, because I can't count that high
c. What was the question again?
d. All of the above
Click here for the results.
As you can see, there are no correct answers (though if you answered 'd' to any of the above, there's serious cause for concern). Just the very act of taking the quiz shows you're a knob.
* That's Klingon for "I shall kill you now." But if you're the dork we think you are, you knew that already.
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