The distance between two people isn't measured in feet and inches but by fear. Fear of each other, fear of the otherness that we all bring with us.
I have heard people say the opposite of love is hate. I believe the opposite of love is fear. Think about it; think about the times in your life when you were stuck, unable to move forward with a problem or difficult situation. Were you feeling bold? Courageous? Chances are you were feeling fearful. Fearful of change or fearful of how it would turn out. Fear is a vital function that serves to protect us when there is a threat, either physically or psychologically. But sometimes we see things as threats that aren't threats at all. Many times it's our own perceptions that scare us. And we don't like fear. I know I don't.
When I am in a difficult situation, I feel it in my throat. It feels like a vice has a grip on my neck. It's a barometer of my fear. At first it feels like a silk scarf tied around my neck and as my fear progresses it turns into a vice. I can stop it from escalating at any point, I can turn my fear into love but knowing I can and doing it are two different things, especially when I'm feeling overwhelmed.
With a feeling like a vice around my throat it sounds like I'm facing a huge grizzly bear on its hind legs roaring and showing his teeth when in actuality it's a difficult phone call that I've been avoiding or when I'm too wrapped up in the outcome of something that I have no control over.
I see things every day in the news and closer to home, with friends and colleagues and patients. People don't see eye to eye and each one is afraid of something. Afraid of losing status or afraid of being seen as weak if they back down. Or sometimes simply being afraid of not getting their own way. Other times it's fear of the unknown, a race that is foreign, a belief that contradicts our own, a religion that we don't understand.
Fear turns to anger because anger is easier than confusion or fear; it doesn't demand to be examined. Anger covers up fear at its heart. To feel fear is to open ourselves to vulnerability, to let go of our attachment to our own way, or the way we think things should be. It can lead us to challenge our beliefs, and to challenge others' beliefs. It takes a lot of courage to face our fears, it's easier to cover our fear with anger than explore our thinking, beliefs and feelings.
Many ideas or perceptions or situations would lose the power of fear if love was infused. To do that we have to confront our fears, we must ask yourselves, what am I really afraid of?