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Esther J. Hamori

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Biblical Standards for Marriage

Posted: 05/29/2012 4:11 pm

Opponents of marriage equality often appeal to the Bible to support their views. So what is this "biblical standard for marriage" we keep hearing about? Marriage in the Bible is not restricted to one man and one woman, or in fact to any one model. There is, however, a unifying theme to the diverse pictures of God-ordained marriages in the Bible, and it is that different kinds of unions are accepted in different places and times, evolving in tandem with broader cultural shifts.

This is not as shocking as it may first seem to more conservative readers of Scripture. Precisely the same principle is recognized in other areas. Consider the admonition against women braiding their hair, and the prohibition against women teaching (in any capacity!), which are generally understood to be culturally specific (1 Timothy 2:9-12). The oft-cited statement that a church overseer should be "the husband of one wife" comes three verses after these other culturally bound instructions (1 Timothy 3:1-2).

Marital guidelines in the New Testament are clustered with instructions on other types of relationships elsewhere as well. The passage in Ephesians that assumes a normative husband-wife relationship (and a hierarchy within it) is followed five verses later by the directive to slaves to obey their masters (Ephesians 5:22-33, 6:5-9). The similar marriage text in 1 Peter comes on the tail of a command to slaves to submit to their masters, this time with the addition, "not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are perverse" (1 Peter 2:18, 3:1-7). There is no logical reason to read one set of instructions as culturally bound and the other as universal. This is an interpretive choice that begins with a reader's notions about marriage and slavery and ends with a view of Scripture -- not the other way around.

In his instruction to wives to be submissive, Peter turned to his Scriptures (the Hebrew Bible) for authority. As he explains, "in former times the holy women" used to submit to their husbands, as "Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord" (1 Peter 3:5-6). Since this is the biblical model to which Peter turns, we might benefit from looking at it ourselves.

Sarah was Abraham's half-sister (Genesis 20:12). "Well, that's not his point," one might say. Exactly: who the two parties were in relation to one another was not his point. It was, however, a central point for them. At that time in ancient Israel, the ideal marriage was within the family. This is why Abraham sends his servant to find Isaac a wife from among his kin, and God blesses Isaac with Rebekah, his first cousin's daughter (Genesis 24:4, 15). In the next generation, Isaac tells Jacob to marry from among his cousins (Genesis 28:2), and he does -- two of them. Jacob's brother Esau, on the other hand, marries outside of his family, and this is seen as a less good choice; Esau then alleviates the situation by additionally marrying his first cousin (Genesis 26:34-35, 28:8).

But as we might agree, Peter's point was not actually to uphold the biblical standard for marriage between close relatives. He upheld the Scripture itself, but understood that this model for who the parties should be -- which was utterly central in its original setting -- was not applicable in his cultural context.

In a similar vein, the Bible reflects a range of perspectives on mixed marriages from different historical settings. One part of the Torah says that no Moabite may become a part of Israel (intermarriage being a primary way for this to happen), or their descendents, even to the 10th generation (Deuteronomy 23:3). The books of Ezra and Nehemiah prohibit all mixed marriages, also naming Moabites in particular (Ezra 9-10, Nehemiah 13:1-3, 23-31). In the book of Ruth, though, the heroine is a Moabite woman who marries an Israelite man, becomes part of Israel and her great-grandson is King David (that would be her descendent to the third generation). In Ruth, there is no objection to this at all -- in fact, the only obstacle the couple must overcome is that a closer relative has the right to "acquire" Ruth first if he wishes. Those who would like simply to erase the prohibitions of Ezra and Nehemiah by superimposing Ruth must grapple with this: the story shows an acceptance of intermarriage, but it simultaneously upholds the biblical law requiring the widow of a childless man (such as Ruth's late husband Mahlon) to marry and reproduce with his closest possible kin, unless he refuses and a certain ritual involving a sandal is performed (Deuteronomy 25:5-10, Ruth 4:3-9). This complicated scenario reflects the priority of insuring the late husband's family line and inheritance. In the particular historical setting of Ruth, unlike some others in the Bible, this was the standard for marriage that met the needs of society.

Ezra and Nehemiah's adamant prohibitions against mixed marriage were intended to protect both sanctity and society at a time when the stability of Israel was in question (during the restoration of Judah after return from the Babylonian exile). These two great leaders and proponents of the Torah of Moses were not concerned with the fact that the prohibition would have incriminated Moses himself, who had married a Midianite (Exodus 2:16-22). Such prohibitions could be read as universal and applicable today, to discriminatory and destructive ends, as they were not too many decades ago. Here again we see two principles at work: that biblical mandates for marriage shifted according to perceived cultural needs, and that the interpretive choice of what is seen as applicable today begins with the reader's preconceived notions before ever opening the Bible.

Each of these biblical standards for marriage -- polygamy, marriage within the family, reproduction with a late husband's closest kin, prohibitions against intermarriage -- were seen as vital in some historical contexts as reflected in the Bible, and not in others. In times and places where marriage to a first cousin was the ideal, the Bible says such marriages are blessed by God. When polygamy was the cultural norm, that too is said to be blessed (as God blesses Jacob's marriages with the sisters Rachel and Leah, as well as with their slaves; Genesis 30). Kinship and property are important factors in many biblical marriages; one element that rarely figures into biblical standards for marriage, however, is love.

Marriage in the Bible is also not restricted to couples who can reproduce together biologically. Some biblical couples do not have children; others use a surrogate, such as Abraham and Sarah (Genesis 16), Jacob and Rachel, and Jacob and Leah (Genesis 30). In the latter two cases, each sister explicitly claims her surrogate's babies as her own, and all are presented as given by God.

So is it down to the garden of Eden, then? Adam and Eve never actually got married. If a woman created as an adult from a man's rib (and then called "his woman" or "his wife" -- this is the same word in Hebrew) is our example of what marriage should look like, good luck to us all. It is no more logical to see the Eden story as establishing that all spouses in the world should be male and female than as establishing that all people should till the soil.

Some point to Adam and Eve as the authoritative model because Jesus refers to them in Mark 10:1-12. The context is this: Jesus has been asked whether it's lawful for a man to divorce his wife, and he answers by citing the Eden story and says, "Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate." He adds -- and this is the clearest statement about marriage that Jesus makes -- that anyone divorced and remarried is committing adultery. The logic behind reading this as the authoritative statement about heterosexuality and not about divorce or remarriage is, shall we say, questionable. Notably, it's hard to find too many heterosexual married people (including those who appeal to the Bible in opposition of gay marriage) who argue that divorce and remarriage should be illegal.

While the traditional view is that the Bible sets standards, and cultures either follow these standards or don't, the Bible itself shows us that cultural norms and biblical positions shifted in tandem. This does not mean that anything goes; it's simply what we see in the biblical texts themselves. It does not mean that there are no standards; there were always incest taboos, for example, but what counts as incest is culturally dictated, and our society does not embrace many biblical perspectives on this (e.g., the ideal of marrying one's first cousin). It does not mean that God is a pushover; it shows, if anything, a God who will engage people in the world in which they live.

The variety we see in biblical models of marriage cannot be brushed off as a development from the Old Testament to the New Testament. Peter uses the half-siblings Sarah and Abraham as his ultimate model of marriage, Jesus views divorce and remarriage as adultery, and Paul says it's better not to marry at all, but allows it "as a concession" (1 Corinthians 7:1-6). Ruth the Moabite, meanwhile, had married an Israelite and brought King David into the world, and according to the New Testament, his descendent Jesus.

Marriage in the Bible is not restricted to one man and one woman. The biblical models for marriage include a range of relationships and combinations, and these evolve with the culture.

 
 
 
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Opponents of marriage equality often appeal to the Bible to support their views. So what is this "biblical standard for marriage" we keep hearing about? Marriage in the Bible is not restricted to one ...
Opponents of marriage equality often appeal to the Bible to support their views. So what is this "biblical standard for marriage" we keep hearing about? Marriage in the Bible is not restricted to one ...
 
 
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11:55 AM on 06/25/2012
You are right when you say that marriage was not restricted to one man and one woman. There are examples of men with multiple wives, wives that were related to them, wives of other races. Some were blessed with children, some were not. Marriage was obviously fluid when it came to relatives, culture, race, and number. HOWEVER, the only example that we NEVER have is a same-gender marriage. Never. Not once. And not only do we have no example, but we have strict warnings against it so it was NOT approved of in the old testament and there is the matter of Romans 1. You are assuming that something is acceptable that was stated as an abomination in the OT, and an example of turning away from God in the new. Not good logic.
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03:12 PM on 06/24/2012
I think this author needs to go back to class. Polygamy was not blessed (Jacob had many, many problems with Rebekah & Leah, which were the consequences of him marrying both). Sarah, using a surrogate, was also not blessed. This created the Islamic religion, which was an unfortunate consequence of what they did. The reason why there was interfamily marriage was because there weren't very many people on earth. Paul's example of how Sarah treated Abraham was about respect. The wife should respect the leader of her family (her husband), and the husband shall hold his wife in high regard & treat her as a Queen. Upon googling the college she works for (a nondemoninational one), I can understand why this author doesn't know what she's talking about.
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educatormary
Always encouraging inquiry and introspection
12:23 PM on 06/23/2012
God will judge the misuse and misapplication of His Word by those who are attempting to justify their choices in behavior.
01:51 AM on 06/23/2012
you talk all you want, same sex marriages ain't in there, civil unions ain't in there but are allowed in some states so knock yourself out
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03:55 AM on 06/21/2012
As crap it soon shall past.
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brokerallen
The Middle Class Needs To Take Back America
11:39 PM on 06/17/2012
As many different contexts that the bible covers marriage in, there is one consistency. Marriage is always between men and women. Using the bible to support gay marriage is absurd.
been2there
Facts have a liberal bias.
11:19 PM on 06/17/2012
The Bible does set some universal standards however--no casual divorce or treating others as disposable; fidelity to one's spouse, submission TO EACH OTHER (That is, have each other's backs), and love the other as you love yourself.
Funny, but I find nothing in the Bible forbidding same-sex marriage. Paul forbids the pederasty that was common in his time (Vatican really should pay attention to this point), and Leviticus to temple prostitution linked to fertility rites. It is much like people who us Onan as an argument against contraception--Onan's sins were greed, refusal to obey God's direct order to care for his brother's widow and raise children in his brother's name. No where do I find God espousing the idea of breeding like rabbits, having unwanted or unaffordable children, or abstaining from what even the Vatican has admitted to be "unitive" sex. Would God approve of contraception--I would bet my life on it.
12:50 PM on 06/16/2012
The Bible model for marriage could not be any clearer then Paul's instruction in 1 Corinthians 7."Each MAN should have his own WIFE and each WOMAN should have her own HUSBAND." In light of Paul's comments about homosexuality that was consistent with the OT same sex marriage would have been preposterous.

Mixed race marriage was an issue unique to Israel to preserve them as a nation. It worked by the way, since you don't see any Amorites or Canaanites etc. but the Jews are still here.

The comparison to slavery completely misses the point. The church was in no position to challenge society on this issue. However within the church Paul called for an equality unheard of in his day. Gal.3:28"There is no longer Jew or Greek, slave or free, male or female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus." This recognition of the equality of men was the basis for Wilberforce and other Christians to fight for the end of slavery. Paul in fact expected the Lord to return in his day and right the wrongs in society. Accept your station in life was his advise.

Here is a Bible standard that would revolutionize society. One man one woman for life and sex only within that relationship. That would eliminate homes broken by divorce, single parent households, a large part of poverty, crime and drug abuse and the epidemic of STD's both homo and hetero.
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03:21 PM on 06/24/2012
Wasn't Gal 3:28 in regards to life in heaven? Basically that there wouldn't necessarily be relationships & no one would be judged for who they were (everyone would be equal)? Or am I thinking of a different verse in the bible? I'm still learning.
11:24 AM on 06/12/2012
Very well written, but grossly one sided. The major flaw is that with Israel God was not pleased. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). God destroyed Israel on many accounts while leaving a remnant because of his mercy. The reason God allowed divorce in the first place was because of the wickedness of mankind. God destroyed 23,000 fornicators in one day (1 Corinthians 10:8). One man and one woman from the beginning of time was the standard, but all throughout the Old Testament God strives with mankind. God says that a man and woman should leave parents cling to one another and become one flesh, for it is him, who has joined them together (Matthew 19:5-6). You never find in scripture God joining any other sex type. The beauty of the message of Jesus Christ is this; God gives his creation an opportunity to repent. I have the freedom to live outside the will of God and do the things the people of Israel did, what the ancient Near Eastern peoples did, what we do today, but in the end it is appointed unto man once to live and then the judgment. The only protection from the wrath of God is "Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit (Acts 2:38). This is good news.
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03:32 PM on 06/24/2012
Actually, it is not what you do/your works (get baptized nor repent) that will get you to heaven and save you from hell, it is simply your faith and trust in Jesus that He was crucified and died for all of our sins. Eph 2:8,9 "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast." Gal 2:21 "I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain." Gal 2:16 "Knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law, but by the faith of Jesus Christ, even we have believed in Jesus Christ, that we might be justified by the faith of Christ, and not by the works of the law: for by the works of the law shall no flesh be justified."
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rsttho557949
What is Job's Crucible?
12:09 PM on 06/10/2012
Two of the worst afflictions ever to come to Christianity: Protestantism and Theologians. Why is that? It’s because the Bible is a simple road amp for peace-for the individual and society. You know you're dealing with a deceiver when they imply that God blessed polygamous relationships. What he did was allow man to use his free will and then illustrates what happens down the road. There was no peace for those practicing polygamy. God didn’t bring together those people and didn't bless those unions. Look at how Jacob got used and deceived by his future father in law, Laban. (Genesis 29:15-27). Jacob NEVER had any intentions of marrying 4 women. By the same token Abraham NEVER had intentions of marrying Hagar. The biblical lesson about the union of Sarah and Abraham (they were half bothers and sisters) is that violation of God's Will would produce disastrous consequences down the road when Ishmael was born. Genesis 16:11-12 gives a prophetic vision of the character (senseless violence and no peace) of the Middle East. I suppose to give people a reason for their existence they feed off conflict. I don't believe that these people are looking for justice, but to whine, complain and be advocates for anything that can exalt themselves. Bottom line; two wrong don’t make it a thing right and God didn’t sanction anything other than one normal man and one normal woman brought together by Him…and not the state.
07:28 PM on 06/14/2012
very well said and accurate
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charlesrfd2003
Proud American who believes in the Bill of Rights
12:28 AM on 06/15/2012
Women were property and baby makers. Hence Jacob had 4 wives. Different time and different culture. We have a different view of the relationship.
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rsttho557949
What is Job's Crucible?
01:24 AM on 06/15/2012
@charlesrfd2003 ,

Dear Sir, please read the accounts of Lban and Jacob and how Laban used deciet to get Jacob to marry Leah. Things went downhill after that. People HAVE NOT changed since they were created. Jerry Sandusky's behavior (if true) would ot be accepted in 2012 BC any more than its not tolerated in 2012 AD. No, woman, worth her salt accepts a anothe woman in a sexual realtionship with "her" man. You might get those savages in thoe cults that attempt to mkae it look "normal" but human nature ALWAYS surfaces when three is a crowd. Again, Jacob was forced into that unsual marriage situation. But if you read cvery carefully, His love was for Rachael and he preferred Joseph and Benajamin ( children of Rachael) over the others. Marriage is between a normal man and a normal woman brought together by God with no objections from witnesses. This is why they say, "does anyone here find objection to this man and woman being joined togehrer in HOLY martimony? If so let them speak now." What yu think the people of this cuntry have been saying for till they are blue in the face? "We don't liket and don't accept it".
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ChaCubed
Fabulously Liberal
01:57 PM on 06/09/2012
Ms. Hamoric, putting aside the fact that I agree with what you've written - which I do - it's there, you're not making stuff up :-) , I want to compliment you on your clear, coherent, and easy to understand and follow writing. Very nice. Thank you.
05:12 PM on 06/06/2012
Your correspondent does not seem to recognize two things:

1) the unfolding nature of revelation in the Bible. So the NT fulfils the OT. So the NT is of greater weight than the OT.
2) Not everything recorded in the Bible is prescriptive; it is descriptive. And if one reads the subtle theological narrative comments often actions are condemned not condoned.

So although the above article has much bible in it, it does not have much of the Bible's own framework in it.
Indeed, it rips up that framework and imposes its own.
02:35 PM on 06/05/2012
You- “Marriage in the Bible is not restricted to one man and one woman. The biblical models for marriage include a range of relationships and combinations, and these evolve with the culture.”
A--But nowhere is same sex marriage mentioned and except in the sexual act itself…it is condemned. To say that Adam wasn’t married to Eve is plain ignorance. Eve is called Adam’s “wife”. In the creation account, God repeatedly recognizes that His creation was “good” (Gen 1:4,10,12,18,21,25,31). The only thing that God acknowledges to be "not good" is the incomplete creation of man as a single being: "Then God said: ‘It is not good that the man should be alone (Gen 2:20)..” Adam’s rejoicing was motivated by the discovery of the person who completed his incompleteness. His hunger for wholeness stemmed from the fact that God made him a male with the need for a female companion. God made Adam incomplete without Eve from the beginning. The manner in which God created Adam and Eve reveals God’s design that there should be male and female. Each of them needs the other for self-fulfillment. After Adam expressed his excitement at the sight of Eve, God united them in holy matrimony, saying: "Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh" (Gen 2:24). This foundational statement about marriage is repeated three times in the Bible: (Matt 19:5; Mark 10:7,8) and (Eph 5:31).
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usorthem3
09:27 PM on 06/04/2012
Marriage licenses are issued by the state, NOT the church. NO religion is necessary for a marriage to be legal, valid or recognized.
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guamote
02:15 AM on 06/19/2012
You state the obvious. However, perhaps you forget the title of the article by the time you scrolled down to make your comment? Just a memory jogger it's "Biblical Standards for Marriage". For many church is a means of marriage going beyond the legality, validity and recognition of the state with the primary relevance in that their union is being present before and sanctioned by God, which to them is more important than the clerical paperwork.
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bielymedved
Primum non nocere
02:14 AM on 06/04/2012
Everyone who is going to "get this" already does, and those who don't, won't, no matter how much logic, history, common sense is used, no matter how many times repeated, no matter if a sledge hammer is used.

Although...the sledge hammer can be an appealing option.