Revealed At Last: The Pentagon's Rosy Plan for WW II

Invasion force will be allowed five days of R&R (swimming, surfing, etc.) on Normandy beaches before proceeding to Paris and Berlin.
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

(Sorry I'm late with this. I was in Brazil planning our '09 invasion.)

Just a couple of weeks after the NYT's front-page story on the "prewar slide show" (sample pdf here) that "cast Iraq in rosy hues," we have another shocker, exclusive to the Huffington Post: a newly declassified slide show revealing the Pentagon's key planning assumptions for World War II. Here's a preview:

SECRET / MAGENTA

Key Planning Assumptions

•Co-opted German units will occupy garrisons, singing "Ja, wir haben keinen Bananen" and drinking Schlitz, and will not fight US or other Allied forces

•Gestapo and SS will work with us

•Hitler will voluntarily step down as Fuehrer and will accept offer of alternative employment, either as manager of vegetarian whole-foods restaurant ("Fodderland") or as curator of watercolors for Bayerische Kitsch- und Kunstmuseum

•Invasion force will be allowed five days of R&R (swimming, surfing, etc.) on Normandy beaches before proceeding to Paris and Berlin

•Japan and Italy will surrender immediately in exchange for fast-food concessions in major German cities

•U-boats and crews will be transferred to command of Jacques Cousteau Society and will offer educational/recreational tours of Germany's underwater wonders (Rhine maidens, etc.)

•Broad-based, credible provisional government will be formed by Kurt Weill, Marlene Dietrich, George Herman ("Babe") Ruth and other prominent Germans

•German regime has WMD or other major military capability but would never use it on the people who gave them Jean Harlow, Levis, hamburgers, frankfurters, etc.

SECRET/AVOCADO

DECLASSIFIED BY: RADM H. Marx
DECLASSIFY ON: 1 March 2007
ACTION OFFICER: Mr. G.S. Kaufman, Civ

Popular in the Community

Close

What's Hot