This past week I went to The Consumer Electronics Show (aka CES) in Las Vegas. "Why would a TV executive go to CES" you ask? Good question.
First, there were almost as many TV executives in Vegas for CES as there were in Pasadena for the Television Critics Association (TCA) press tour. Second, even though TV executives don't necessarily work in technology, nothing at the moment affects their lives and jobs more than the connected electronics through which their content is seen.
There have been countless Top Ten lists, slide shows and recaps from CES -- some of the best of it right here, in HuffPost Tech. So, rather than try to top these, I decided to actually take YOU TO CES. No, I didn't shoot video (the HuffPost don't cover no equipment budget). Instead, to give you the true CES experience (and links to some of the best stories to come out of Vegas last week), I give you an exclusive first-look at my script for the pilot episode of...
GLENVEGAS GLEN ROSS:
INT. LOBBY OF THE COSMOPOLITAN HOTEL. LAS VEGAS.
It is the final day of CES. Three YOUNG EXECUTIVES stand together, but do not speak. Instead, brows furrowed, they stare at, and fidget with, their smart phones... intensely.
You getting any signal?
No! What the frak? Can't get any texts or calls. Can't send any texts or calls!
I haven't been able to Tweet about a conversation in six hours. My followers will think I'm dead!
Just think. Nearly a dozen people, worried sick.
The first year anyone from Apple comes to CES and suddenly no one in Vegas can get a signal on their iPhone. Coincidence?
My BlackBerry is working.
How quaint! Do you have a buggy-whip too?
Tell us, can you play pong on that thing?
Awkward pause. They all look down at their smart phones.
Hey, can I borrow that so I can call my wife?
Can I use that so I can text someone?
A JOURNALIST enters.
Sorry I'm late, I had to wait in a taxi line for an hour and half.
I know, it's nuts.
Why is it so crowded this year?
The Ideapad Yoga...
The Ballmer and Seacrest farewell Keynote...
Early arrivals for the Adult Video Convention...
Wait, there's a Porn Convention here?
Wait, Ballmer's not coming back to CES?
Wait, they named a tablet after Yoda?
Yes, it's a Notebook Tablet Hybrid.
No, they're doing their own Expo next year.
Yes. Next week. Though in Vegas, it may be hard to tell the difference between a Porn convention and a typical Tuesday.
So, what are you up to tonight?
I'm going to the first half of the Hulu party and the second half of the YouTube party.
I'm going to the first twenty minutes of the YouTube party, the second forty minutes of the Hulu party, then the Mashable party with the Facebook people.
One word: CELINE!
I'm confused... This is the Consumer Electronics Show. Why are all the parties sponsored by web platforms?
What do you think all those ELECTRONICS connect to? Plus, we have all the money.
Did you see any actual consumer electronics that were impressive or exciting?
Look, the meme this year is the Internet of Everything. You see, it's all Social -- everything has to be connected, because at the end of the day, the game is over and the consumer has won. So to say that one piece of technology provides a true (air quotes) "AH-HA" moment is oversimplifying the significance of the moment.
You never made it to the floor did you?
How is that possible?
Everyone came to our suite... we had shrimp.
How 'bout you two?
What's the O stand for?
It stands for O-MFG is that the price?!
It stands for Organic.
Organic? Is a TV or a chicken?
Hey, you know we've got a new Web-to-TV streaming device... It's
A Smart TV?
No, it's a Dongle. It connects to the TV.
Yes. A Killer Dongle. You want to see it?
Is that a Dongle in your pocket, or are you just happy to CES me?
Are you sure you're not here for the Porn convention?
He can't find his Dongle.
Damn, I think I left it in my room. Stop by later, I'll show it to you.
Very smooth... "Do you want to come to my room and see my Dongle?" Best pick up line of the show.
Hey, did you get to see The Spectre? For me, that was the winner.
Spectre? Is that a Cloud device or one of the X-Men?
Pretty sure The Specter is in the DC Universe.
This is Vegas, try not to let your Geek show.
No, it's a new laptop. They fit a 14 inch screen into a 13 inch frame.
That's what she said.
That doesn't even make sense.
But. Well. (Pause. Pointing.) She made fun of my Dongle.
It's Ok, I'm sure your Dongle is very nice.
It is. My Dongle is awesome.
(Reading off her Blackberry)
I gotta go. I won the Raffle! Apparently they sent out a hundred emails, but no one else claimed it.
Hey! What did you win?
A personal robotic cameraman, with automatic pan and swivel!
You think she won that at CES or the Porn Convention?
The other two shrug. They return to their smart phones. Frown.
Follow Evan Shapiro on Twitter: www.twitter.com/eshap