Raising Parents

A few weeks after 9/11 CNN called me, asking what parents were doing, what they should be doing, about Halloween, given that we had, collectively and individually, experienced utter confusion and terror on that tragic day. A holiday celebrated by both children and adults dressing up and scaring each other seemed like the last thing Americans needed.

But after a brief and entirely unscientific poll of two families, I came to a different conclusion. And the ten years since that awful time support the idea I shared in a brief CNN interview: that expressing feelings, personally to one another but also through creative outlets: art, music, drama, dance, including dressing up for Halloween -- can bring us comfort and joy, can help heal even the most deeply wounded. On that September morning and over the past ten years, I have become more attentive in the moment to my own and others' feelings. I hope I have become a better listener.

In October 2001 the neighbor whom I 'polled' said that instead of sending her 10-year-old daughter trick-or-treating in the neighborhood, she was having her invite a group of girlfriends over to watch a Halloween movie. The other parents whom I spoke with were a couple, involved in Parents Forum, with two younger children. Like my neighbor they were keeping their kids close but still having them dress up, taking them out in grandma's smaller neighborhood rather than in their own.

As it happened, on the evening of September 11 I had scheduled a Parents Forum board meeting. Since there seemed so little we could do to address the awful events of the day, we went ahead with the meeting. We had just published our program handbook Where the Heart Listens and, naively, thought that we could go forward with publicity for the book and 'keep on keeping on' with program events. Our efforts, however, like many nonprofit initiatives, experienced a huge setback.

Much was lost that day, but despite the incalculable suffering of those directly affected by the tragedy and the resultant disruptions, large and small, in the lives of individuals across the U.S. and around the world, many of us have been able to keep on creating positive, community-building experiences that give me hope.

Among the most hopeful activities have been those of CIVICUS: world alliance for citizen participation. I just attended the tenth CIVICUS world assembly in Montréal. Since Parents Forum recently published the third edition of Where the Heart Listens, now in ebook and audiobook as well as print, I went with a volunteer colleague, our board secretary Rachael Thames, to bring our message of emotional awareness as a basic element in parenting education to the 700+ attendees at the assembly. They came from around the world for three days of dialogue on the theme of 'Acting Together for a Just World.'

There were many memorable moments at CIVICUS last weekend as assembly delegates approached the Parents Forum booth in the Citizens Café. At one point two individuals from the Gulf Region came up to ask us about our parenting education program. After only a few moments they said, "We need this!" and one mentioned the possibility of translating Where the Heart Listens into Arabic.

I don't know about you, but I seldom have an opportunity to speak face to face with people from Bahrain, Kuwait, Oman, Qatar, Saudi Arabia or the United Arab Emirates! Confession: I had to look up what countries make up the Gulf Region. The take-away from my conversation with those two men, one from Dubai in the UAE, the other from Oman, is this:

If there is anything that can unite us, across all the divisions that separate us -- geography, religion, language, culture, economic and social class -- it is a common concern for our children. If we raise our children well and, more importantly, if all societies invest in resources for parents to help us address the myriad challenges inherent in family life, there is hope for a safer and happier world.

As a mother of three, grandmother of two, I welcome your comments on the issue of 'raising parents'!