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08/27/2013 04:56 pm ET Updated Oct 27, 2013

How to Drink Like Your Favorite Disney Princess or Villain

First appeared on Food Riot, by Shannon McIntyre Hooper

As a child of the '80s, I was raised on animated Disney movies -- the good ones, of course, before everything went to pie in the mid-'90s. Which means I'm a sucker for pseudo-psychological commentary related to those fine films, such as this recent feature on "What Your Favorite Disney Movie Says About You" in Flavorwire. And after reading that piece -- YES, I know I'm not totally over my goth stage, thankyouverymuch -- I got to thinking about something much more important:

What do you think Disney princesses and villains would drink? What would their favorite classic cocktails be? How would they fortify themselves against so much dang drama packed into those 90-minute time capsules?

So for your reading pleasure, I take three of my favorite childhood Disney films -- The Little Mermaid, Sleeping Beauty, and Alice in Wonderland -- and present to you each of their princesses, their villains, and my best guess at which classic cocktail they'd be drinking behind the curtains.

The Little Mermaid

Ariel had some serious daddy issues, it's hard to deny. But she was also a collector of fine glassware and other odd knick-knacks, which is awesome. Combine those two, and she's drinking a stiff Manhattan behind her father's back in a 19th-century crystal glass, as part of her effort to emulate him while simultaneously rejecting all of his (admittedly ridiculous) rules.

I kind of loved Ursula. She was a squid/octopus and a witch and she had pet eels! But she was seriously bitter about Ariel's father's power in the ocean, and she also ate a lot of really weird stuff (remember how she ate those terrified little shrimps alive?), so she was in massive need of a digestif. Her drink would be a Hanky Panky, because the splash of Fernet would reflect her bitter nature while also helping her tummy.

Alice in Wonderland

Alice was a real nutcase. Not only did she fancy the drugs, she also had a major self-control issue. "Eat this? Sure! Drink this? Why not!" I think we could explain the entire storyline by the fact that she had a Death in the Afternoon -- a heavy base of absinthe, mixed with champagne to reflect her childish nature -- during a break from her reading session at the beginning (and maybe throughout, too?).

While the single villain role wasn't as clear in this fairy tale, the Queen of Hearts was a dominant force, and it's hard to forget her serious bloodlust. I'm confident that she'd conclude a successful day of chopping people's heads off with a Blood and Sand, one of my personal favorite classics, as a reminder of the blood she spilled that day.

Sleeping Beauty

My personal opinion is that Aurora was one of the most irritating Disney princesses ever, despite the fact that this was my favorite Disney film as a child. She was naïve and silly, but she did have a way with the forest creatures -- so her drink, of course, must have been a Bee's Knees, made with local forest honey that her little animal buddies brought her daily.

Yes, yes, Sleeping Beauty was my favorite because Maleficent is the most glorious villain of all time! Her fantastic demon minions, her glorious pet crow, that sweet outfit of hers, the eerie green hue that surrounded her... Ok, Ok. Focus. She was absolutely drinking Last Word cocktails from morning to night, which would explain the green hue, and also her badass-ness.

What do you think, folks? Any other Disney characters that you think are a clear match for another classic cocktail? And who do you think would be a beer or wine drinker?

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