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Charlie Sheen's Stay-at-Home Rehab Schedule

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Charlie Sheen recently announced his decision to rehab in the comfort of his LA mansion. Sheen's critics say he's not taking his addiction seriously, but a look at the star's rigorous rehab schedule reveals that he'll be plenty busy...


MONDAY

6:00 AM-12:00PM -- Sleep in

12:00PM-12:30PM
-- Try to pee

12:30PM-2:00PM -- Daily Reflection (optional)

2:00PM-3:00PM -- Beer pong

3:00PM-3:30PM -- Counseling (canceled)

3:30PM-5:00PM -- Lunch with Andy Dick

5:00PM-6:00PM -- Bingeing

6:00PM-8:30PM -- Nap

8:30PM-9:00PM -- Body Painting

9:00PM-10:30PM
-- Movie Night ("Major League 2")

10:30PM-1:00AM -- Jell-o shot contest

1:00AM-2:30 AM -- Fainting spell


TUESDAY

6:00AM-12:00PM -- Wake up

12:00PM-12:30PM -- Wake up porn stars

12:30PM-2:00PM -- Spiritual Group (postponed)

2:00PM-3:00PM -- Tickle fight

3:00PM-5:00PM
-- Stare at hand

5:00PM-7:00PM -- Foursome (not golf)

7:00PM-10:30PM -- Clean handguns

10:30PM-12:00AM
-- Skinny dip

12:00AM-3:30 AM
-- Bender

3:30AM -- Curfew

4:30AM -- Lights out


WEDNESDAY

6:00AM-12:00PM -- Learn to play trumpet

12:00PM-2:00PM -- Peel label off Jim Beam bottle

2:00PM-4:00PM -- Lunch with Dealer

4:00PM-6:00PM -- Nude dodgeball

6:00PM-7:30PM -- Try on hats

7:30PM-9:00PM -- Lock Domino's delivery guy in bathroom; demand extra cheesy bread

9:00PM-11:30PM -- Rampage

11:30PM- 6:00AM -- Blackout


THURSDAY

6:00AM-11:00AM -- Wake up screaming

11:00AM-12:30PM -- Ninja training

12:30 PM-2:00PM
-- Prank call CBS execs

2:00 PM-3:00PM -- Think about a Mohawk

3:00 PM-5:30PM -- Eat Minute Rice straight out of box

5:30PM-7:00 PM -- Practice walking on elbows

7:00PM-3:30 AM -- Porn Movie Night ("How to Drain Your Dragon")

3:30AM-6:00AM -- Hide in bushes


FRIDAY

6:00AM-7:30AM -- Pull own Wisdom tooth

7:30AM-10:00AM -- Group grope

10:00AM-10:30AM -- Punch FedEx guy

10:30AM-3:30PM
-- Free time

3:30PM-4:30PM
-- Find tattoo with safe combo

4:30PM-7:00PM -- Substance Abuse Education Group (postponed)

7:00PM-11:00PM
-- Luau Night

11:00PM-4:00AM
-- Collect call to Bogota


SATURDAY

6:00AM-7:30AM -- "Manscaping"

7:30AM-10:00AM -- Try to fry egg on sidewalk

10:00AM-12:00PM -- Threaten President

12:00PM-4:30PM -- Drink nine bottles of Chateu Latour

4:30PM-7:00PM
-- Choke somebody

7:00PM-11:00PM
-- Text pictures of junk to Eva Mendes

11:00PM-3:00AM -- Smash some shit with ballpeen hammer


SUNDAY

6:00AM-7:30AM -- Snort Count Chocula

7:30AM-11:00AM -- Buy replacement liver on eBay

11:00AM-2:30PM -- Brunch w/ Ron Jeremy

2:30PM-7:30PM -- Write "hush money" checks

7:30PM-8:00PM -- Eat live spider

8:00PM-5:00AM -- Soil self