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Frank Schaeffer

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God vs. Women

Posted: 07/26/10 07:52 PM ET

When God decided to make the first woman and donated her to the first man as a housewarming (or should I say garden-warming) present, God must have carelessly hurried her plumbing design. Soon after creation women's botched plumbing began to weigh heavily on His Mind.

According to the Evangelical -- or any literal reading -- of the Jewish/Christian Scriptures (and/or the Koran) -- women started off as a mere afterthought created after everything else, even after squirrels, sheep and whales. "Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air... But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man."

The entire Female/Plumbing Situation is one of those many, many things (including the creation of Lucifer, shellfish and Canaanites) that, according to the Scriptures, got out of hand during (or soon after) creation and for which the Lord was and -- according to Orthodox Jews, fundamentalist Muslims and conservative Christians -- apparently still is heartily sorry!

God issued countless factory recalls and complex revised owner's manual updates enforced by strict rules about how to deal with women, fix women, repair women, curb women, keep women in line and, if need be, kill women if they didn't keep God's many Women-Managing Rules.

It turns out that if you take the Bible (and/or the Koran) literally God just hates bodily fluids!

This fluid-hating "God" is on a collision course with women because women are wet! If the scriptures of Judaism, Christianity and Islam have one unifying ecumenical message it's that dryness is next to godliness!

Anyway, for whatever reason the fundamentalist Jews, Christians and Muslims who most closely follow their scriptures' many, many rules appertaining to what to do about women are - when judged by the historic body count -- also some of the angriest people on earth. Maybe they're angry with the world because they live their lives divided against themselves. Or put it this way: How does a male live "correctly" when his own body's arousal is his biggest Sin?

Fundamentalist Christians aren't alone in grappling with their sinful bodies and/or what to do about women. There are Jews -- in other words Jewish MEN -- who still force (or should I say indoctrinate) "their" women to keep the Levitical laws concerning menstruation (and a whole lot more). And, according to Islam -- in other words according to the MEN in charge of Islam -- menstrual blood is also considered "impure" (najis). The "Islamic perspective" (in other words the "perspective" of desert-dwelling pre-modern tribes-MEN) on menstruation gets quite detailed when "updated" to "answer" modern "moral questions," such as: "what type of 'female protection' should a woman use?" Answer: according to some Islamic scholars' teaching, maxi-pads are God's will! Tampons are right out (makruh)!

And according to Jewish rabbinical law, (in other words the "perspective" of desert-dwelling Bronze Age tribes-MEN) a Woman becomes a "niddah" (impure) when she is aware that blood has come from her womb. Even if menstruation started before she sees evidence of blood, the rabbinical regulations say she's not niddah until she notices. But as soon as she notices the least stain she becomes unclean! However, if she finds a stain after say, cutting her finger or stubbing her toe, she does not become niddah as the blood is not from her womb, but if there is a bloodstain of uncertain origin then there's complex criteria given by rabbinical law to decide if she's niddah or not.

There's a lot in the Bible about menstruation and it's all bad. Blood isn't the problem, just Womb Blood is bad! Blood squirting from countless sheep and cows dying excruciating deaths, when offered in sacrifices to God is just fine. Blood pouring from Jesus' hands and feet is good too! In fact the Christian believer is encouraged to drink it, get to Heaven through it, and "claim" it! "Have you been to Jesus for the cleansing power?" ask the words of the old camp meeting hymn. "Are you washed in the blood of the Lamb? Are you fully trusting in His grace this hour? Are you washed in the blood of the Lamb?"

The best blood of all is the blood of the wicked shed by the righteous. That runs in God-pleasing crimson rivers through the Bible right up through the book of Revelation when Jesus will come back and kill just about everyone left behind on earth including the "Incomplete Jews" (i.e. Jews who haven't "accepted Jesus") not to mention all Muslims, saving only a "remnant" unto Himself. This will -- no doubt -- surprise all those Jews who thought that Evangelical so-called Christian Zionists were "on Israel's side," but be that as it may, as the Psalmist says: "The righteous shall rejoice when he seeth the vengeance: he shall wash his feet in the blood of the wicked."

The Latin Church Fathers made it clear that in the Christian era women were still in trouble for just being women. The Fathers kept the anti-women Old and New Testament teachings alive and well and even added to them. Tertullian said that even sex in marriage was "tainted with concupiscence."

(Concupiscence is a catchall word for Lust and/or Sexual Pleasure of any kind, all of which the Fathers frowned upon.)

St. Jerome taught that "corruption" attaches to all sexual intercourse, even in marriage. He said that marriage and sex only came (no pun) after the Fall. Jerome held that "menstrual fluids" make women unclean. Jerome said that to become human, Jesus put up with the "revolting conditions" of Mary's womb!

You'd think women wouldn't go for this stuff or this "God." But that's not the case. Some women and of course plenty of men subscribe to the nutty anti-woman religious view held by fundamentalists.

Consider that in 2009 over 6,000 women met in Chicago for the "True Woman Conference" to call women to "Complementarianism." The organizers used their conference to launch the "True Woman Manifesto." A key clause in the preamble reads: "When we respond humbly to male leadership in our homes and churches, we demonstrate a noble submission to [male] authority that reflects Christ's submission to God His Father."

"We are believing God for a movement of reformation and revival in the hearts and homes of Christian women all around this world," the group's leader -- evangelical bestselling author/guru and "motivational speaker" -- Nancy Leigh DeMoss, said in her opening remarks. The other speakers at the conference included some of the foremost leaders of the "mainstream" Evangelical world.

The leaders assembled to support a manifesto that said that women are "called to encourage godly masculinity" by submitting to men. Women must "submit to their husbands and [male only] pastors" who (apparently) can't feel masculine unless they're in charge of everything. According to this view -- of what I'll call Godly Groveling Women -- women must "honor the God-ordained male headship" of their husbands by allowing their Men to rule them. Thus selfish "rights" (as in the Bill of Rights) are "antithetical to Jesus Christ." So The Godly Groveling True Women believes that she must (as it were) rent her womb to God in order to embrace "fruitful femininity."

Some heavyweight political leaders have gotten into the Quiverfull act. The so-called Full Quiver (or Quiverfull) Movement urges women to have as many children as possible. The anti-contraception (anti-feminist) Quiverfull Movement is also all about producing an army of godly culture warriors to "take back" America (and, eventually, the world for God. )

U.S. Senator Rick Santorum wrote a book building on Quiverfull ideas; It Takes a Family -- Conservatism and the Common Good. Santorum said that the "real family" is individualistic and the opposite of Senator Hillary Clinton's "liberal" version of family as described in her book It Takes a Village. Santorum emphasized the central role of family as a "bulwark" against community! Hence he writes about the evil influence of public schools and the even-more-evil US Federal Government. (Santorum's book is offered on several Quiverfull and other Far Right/Reconstructionist-influenced websites .)

Other Republican leaders have been involved in the Quiverfull movement too. Former Arkansas governor and presidential candidate (and big fan of my late Religious Right leader father's writings) Mike Huckabee signed on to a 1998 doctrinal statement that Women "need to submit to their husbands."

There is nothing subtle or covert about these aims. In Birthing God's Mighty Warriors Rachel Scott says that Christians must have "many children," raise them "right" to help take over the world for Christ. Scott compares contraception to witchcraft since it "predicts the future." Scott warns her readers that if women have their tubes tied their husbands will find them unattractive because they can't "conquer" them through pregnancy.

As the title indicates Scott embraces the idea of having many children and turning them into God's -- literal -- mighty warriors in order to subvert the secular order and replace it with a "godly" order, in other words a fundamentalist theocracy by whatever name.

Frank Schaeffer is a writer of many books including Crazy for God: How I Grew Up as One of the Elect, Helped Found the Religious Right, and Lived to Take All (or Almost All) of It Back

 
 
 

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09:43 PM on 08/03/2010
Since I came into this a bit later, I hope this comment will be read.

There's an Evangelical Christian group called CHRISTIANS FOR BIBLICAL EQUALITY. Run it through a good search engine. They are committed to giving equal opportunities to men and women and claim that they can prove it scripturally. These are people (as many men as women, by the way) who have studied the original languages and customs of the people of the Old and New Testament days, and they make very credible arguments for their case.

It's worth checking out!
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DAVIDMORSE
Stoneham, MA - Age 46
12:33 AM on 08/02/2010
Frank, another very good point. You point out just how hateful so much of scripture is. The central message of Jesus, as I understand it is to treat others as you want to be treated and to not judge others. Its a message of love. Many on the Right seem to forget it, and spend so much time judging others and hating.
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12:50 AM on 07/30/2010
I've never read a professional writer use so many exclamation points! And please learn how to use semi-colons correctly, Franky!
12:46 AM on 07/30/2010
When ships go to sea there is ONE person in charge, and fully responsible. It is the same with marriage one person "carries the can", usually the husband, but sometimes can be the wife, but very rarely is that good.
It is not a matter of dominance, but organisation, as the male outlook is more protective and supportive, if strong leadership or protection is needed. The women are much better with looking after the family household situation, and children.
12:14 PM on 08/03/2010
Are you kidding me? It's a partnership. .......and really? Men protect women? Who is doing most of the raping, killing, domestic violence? shhhhhesh.
12:33 AM on 07/30/2010
to Derived:

3:33-41 The family of Imran (the same person known as Imram in the Bible) was the father of Moses and Aaron is favoured above all by Allah. The wife of Imran gave birth to Mary the mother of Jesus.

There is 1500 years difference between the time of Moses and the time of Jesus, so was Mary a girl for that long?

Mary's reply to the Angel:
S:3-47 '"Oh my Lord! How shall I have a son when no man has touched me?' The angel replied, 'Even so: God (Allah) createth what He willeth: when He hath decreed a Plan, He but said to it, "Be," and it is!'"

So who was the father of Jesus, if not he who created him?

3:45-46 Jesus is a word of Allah, he is the Messiah, illustrious and of the righteous in the world and one of those near to Allah.

As Allah says Jesus is the Messiah try talking to Him directly, as He can help you in all situations.

Taken from "Summary of the Quran" by Dr Sarfraz Ahmed Siddiqui. The verse numbers vary according to the translation used.
11:04 PM on 07/29/2010
So here are some questions that come to my mind about this posting.

If taking the Bible literally is the problem than what is your alternative? Do you still
believe as an Eastern Orthodox Christian that we understand the Bible through the
EASTERN Fathers and The Church as a whole? Or are all the Church Fathers now
suspect in your view, not just the so-called Latin (Roman Catholic?) fathers?

Do you suggest that we dump the Bible entirely?

Are you suggesting that the Bible can't be trusted or that the God of the Bible isn't
Who He Claims to be because of the foolishness of HIs "fundamentalist" followers?

You are starting to sound like an Agnostic. If you have become an Agnostic,
then why don't you come right out and say it?

If you've lost faith in God or a god, then why don't you leave the church
you belong to and wait for God to find you again? By all means, take
some time off from it!
03:06 PM on 07/29/2010
The male rib is the only part of the human body that can regenerate. That's why the church fathers were not surprised when they finally took a look a thousand years later and found no ribs missing... or was that when the regenerative power of the male rib was discovered?
06:26 AM on 07/29/2010
After serving 40 years as a Baptist minister (no longer into that), I can tell you that in my experience, a large number of the women who preached the submission to husband idea were such controlling people that it would be hard to imagine them submitting to anyone.
01:12 AM on 08/12/2010
That makes me chuckle and very believable too. On a similar note, politicos who are social conservatives often seem to have the same dissonace. Those who aren't waving the family values flag and aren't intent on judging others tend to have lovely families and stay married to the original spouse. The politicos who want to legislate morality seem to handle their own family relationships very badly. Current examples: Newt Gingrich and Sarah Palin. Newt is in the habit of taking advantage of a free trial on new wife before giving old one the boot. The only thing that will prevent him from doing it to wife number 3 is he's getting too old and may need to hang onto this one. We got a glimps of the Palin family in the recent video. Her children are rude.

When running for office the family values candidates should save money and go for a twofer. Film the video with the fresh scrubbed family and then film the video teary eyed and apolgizing for letting down god, the children and the wife. When the inevitable scandal breaks - queue tape.
12:58 AM on 07/29/2010
Eve was made from Adams rib.
There are too many contradictions in your book, you should check them out.
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derived
11:14 PM on 07/28/2010
Eve was not made from Adam -- that is a mistranslation of Surat An-Nissa, which actually reads:

"O mankind! reverence your Guardian-Lord, who created you from a single person, created, of like nature, His mate, and from them twain scattered (like seeds) countless men and women;- reverence Allah, through whom ye demand your mutual (rights), and (reverence) the wombs (That bore you): for Allah ever watches over you."
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JohnFromCensornati
Free your mind and your ass will follow.
04:32 PM on 07/29/2010
derived,

I find it difficult to understand why your comment was not posted.

"This is not true in Islam. Allah blames Adam and Eve equally for their sin and does not punish Eve for tempting Adam, nor does Adam try to put the blame on Eve."

OTOH, your version simply moves the blame around and still doesn't place it with the guilty party - your god.
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derived
08:45 PM on 07/29/2010
Yeah I don't get it, either. Maybe there was some word the filter didn't like?

Is God guilty? I don't think so, although I can understand why you come to that conclusion (and I support your right to not believe in my religion).
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JohnFromCensornati
Free your mind and your ass will follow.
01:26 PM on 07/28/2010
Now, the serpent was craftier than any of other creatures that crawl upon the earth.
The woman told the serpent, God said, “You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.”
"You will surely not die," the serpent said to the woman. "God knows that, when you eat of those apples, your eyes will be opened."
She took some apples and ate and she also gave some to the man and he ate. Then their eyes were opened and they realized they were naked
God called to the man, "Where are you?"
He answered, "I heard you in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."
And God said, "Who told you idi0ts that you were naked? Have you eaten apples from the tree that I put in front of you and commanded you not to eat from?"
The man said, "That wicked woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit and I ate it. Maybe they were apples. Ask her."
God said unto the woman, "What is this you have done?"
The woman said, "The serpent told me that you like your bootlickers to be ignorant. It seems he was right."
Thus was the first buck passed and God has hated women ever since.
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01:50 PM on 07/28/2010
LOL!

Gawd also said that *the day* they ate of the fruit they would d.ie ... the serpent told Eve that wasn't true, and it was right ... they didn't.

So, apparently the serpent was more honest with Eve than Gawd was.
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09:02 PM on 07/28/2010
It's a different type of d.i.eing.
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05:00 PM on 07/28/2010
Ha.
12:23 PM on 07/28/2010
The evolution of a perspective and attitudenal shift is a process in ourselves and in society. To
point out the insanity of our faith system toward woman may be offensive to some, but a faith system that oppresses and enslaves a person because they are a woman is a travisty! If you want to name "sin", expose "evil" and "darkness" - then I say to you Frank, "Amen!" - "Preach on Brother!" Speak the "truth" and let the chips fall where they may!

It is high time to expose the insanity and speak out! It is in this that we are forced as a society to have conversations about things that we are numb to and have turned a blind eye to... now... we must look at the "pink elephant" in the room and face our present reality! That is the process of evolving as a community. Thanks Frank!
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12:04 PM on 07/28/2010
"You'd think women wouldn't go for this stuff or this "God." But that's not the case. Some women and of course plenty of men subscribe to the nutty anti-woman religious view held by fundamentalists."

"... the nutty anti-woman religious view held by fundamentalists"???

They're taken from ... "the nutty anti-woman" teachings in your "holy" book.

Why just go after the fundamentalists for buying into this garbage?
Why not go after the garbage that is written in your "holy" book, instead of shifting your focus onto the fundamentalists?

The fundamentalists of today didn't write your "holy" book ... they just follow it more closely than other Xians.
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12:36 PM on 07/28/2010
Stockholm syndrome is strong amongst the fundie women
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01:05 PM on 07/28/2010
My point is ... he's willing to call the people who follow what the book says, ridiculous, but he'll stop short of calling the book, itself, ridiculous.
It's like saying ... "ha, ha, let's make fun of the people who actually take what my "holy" book says seriously?"

It's kind of like someone 50 pounds overweight, rolling their eyes and sneering at someone 80 pounds overweight, and giggling about their lack of self control.
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12:01 PM on 07/28/2010
Thank you Frank for this hilarious but so spot on article. How in these days and age some of us are still adhering to this misogynistic teachings are beyond me. God doesn't like women. Oh well, since I don't believe in it anyway, guess that makes us even
03:37 AM on 07/29/2010
Beware flakey translations! Eloihm YHVH is usually translated as "lord Jehovah", by a man, no doubt.
"Elo" is a Hebrew female-name, and "ihm" is a plural masculine ending. I couldn't in good consience
transliterate this as "Lord", but then I'm not a Jewish man. So god is a woman endowed with more than
2 sets of balls as well...what a gal, must be tough getting tight pants on! Maybe the're not big balls?
Nu, Nuit, or Nuith is the Egyptian god of the sky and Womb of Creation, so the evidence mounts against
a male God. Personally, I think she did her finest work on womans bodies, externally anyway, hardly
the product of "spare parts". The plumbing and wiring is another issue beyond the scope of a mere comment.
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07:22 PM on 07/29/2010
The worship of Asherah was widespread in the Mid-East at that time - including in Hebrew homes and temples. Some scholars believe she may have been the consort of Yahweh, and that she may have been identified with the queen in ancient Judah. It is not to difficult to imagine a blending of the two figures when the Hebrew people decided to become monotheists and rewrite their stories.

But what do I know - I'm an atheist. And a man.
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11:45 AM on 07/28/2010
This is why we need Muslim women to throw off the burkas, veils and the other nonsense in Islam. Once the women take control, all this other nonsense will stop.