07/21/2008 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

"Real Americans" Are Stupid! Obama vs. Mitt Romney and Jesse Jackson

So now we have it: good grades and responsible fatherhood are "white" and speaking foreign languages is suspiciously "European." What an amazing moment of un-looked for national reconciliation! Mitt Romney and Jesse Jackson agree on something at last: Senator Obama is downright un-American.

How does Mitt Romney want Obama to show his red-blooded Americanism? By demanding that Obama retract his un-American statements about the need for stupid white Americans (and others) to learn foreign languages.

After Obama suggested it would be a good thing to learn a foreign language Mitt said: "I do think that, frankly, Barack Obama looks towards Europe for a lot of his inspiration," Mitt told Fox's Hannity & Colmes, adding: "I think John McCain is going to make sure that America stays America."

How does Jesse want Obama to show his red-blooded Americanism? By not "talking down" to black men, in other words by not telling the truth about the stupidity of fathers who won't take responsibility for their children and by not mentioning the fact that there are lots of black young people who equate doing well in school with "acting white."

How do we make sure both white and black America "stays America?" By renewing our commitment to ignorance as the bedrock American virtue.

It's Senator Obama versus the stupid.

God forbid Obama is elected and begins to challenge ignorant white America to join the world, learn foreign languages and stop acting as if we live on another planet! God forbid Obama is elected and begins to challenge ignorant black America to reclaim the intellectual legacy of Frederick Douglass, Booker T. Washington, and WEB DuBois.

The best thing going for Obama is that he is smarter than we-the-dumb-on-purpose-people. We've had eight years of a president as stupid as we are. Let's try something new. Obama in 2008!

Frank Schaeffer is a writer and author of "CRAZY FOR GOD-How I Grew Up As One Of The Elect, Helped Found The Religious Right, And Lived To Take All (Or Almost All) Of It Back"