iPhone app iPad app Android phone app Android tablet app More

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors
Fred Silberberg

GET UPDATES FROM Fred Silberberg
 

Equal Custody Between Parents Should Be the Legal Norm

Posted: 06/29/2012 6:30 pm

Family law is an area that is full of legal presumptions. There are presumptions about who is a legal parent. There are presumptions in many states about what property is jointly owned. These are just two such examples. Yet, there is one presumption that seems to be missing from the body of legal presumptions in family law: the presumption that equal custody timesharing is appropriate for children involved in divorce and paternity custody disputes.

Each year, cases are tied up in court by one parent trying to maintain control over the custody of the children. In these situations, the parent who is seeking equal custody can be tied up in very expensive litigation to establish a right that to their children that, had the parents not been divorced, they would automatically have.

Let's face it: when people are living together (whether married or not, and in the present day it seems to be more often not), no one is mandating a specific apportionment of custody time between them and their children. In the day-to-day life of a family, whether one or both parents are working, it is likely that at some point in the course of a day both parents have interaction with their children. Moreover, when the parties had their children, no one examined them to make a determination as to whether one of the parents was more fit than the other to spend time with the children or care for them. The fact is, we don't license parents in the country. We let things take their course naturally and people have children whether they are good parents or not. It is not until the parents can't get along any further that someone is now called upon to determine whether it is in the children's "best interest" to spend time in the primary care of one parent or another, or whether that arrangement should involve an equal timeshare.

If we made it a matter of statutory policy that all in all cases, children should spend equal time with both parents, several benefits would result from that. It would foster the existing public policy of frequent contact with both parents. It would send society a message concerning the importance of both parents being involved with their children. It would also result in a significant reduction in the amount of custody litigation that takes place in our courts. Not only would this help address existing problems of court congestion, but it would also spare thousands of children each year from being dragged into the middle of a battle between their parents. It would also discourage certain types of litigants from attempting to keep control over the children in the hope that it will result in greater financial remuneration in the form of child support.

Most states now provide for no-fault divorce. It seems natural then, that this policy would assume that both parents are equally capable of caring for the children. In doing so, we would be removing from the family unit the possibility of unnecessary governmental intrusion into private affairs. In the not too-distant past, being divorced had a stigma associated with it, in the same way that having children out-of-wedlock had a stigma associated with it. In those days, we had a legal presumption known as the "tender years doctrine" which contended that young children should be with their mother. That was abolished many years ago. It would seem logical that at this point, the legal presumption should be one of equal timesharing in terms of custody schedules.

Undoubtedly, there will be those that argue that invoking such a presumption is not in keeping with the interests of the children. They will argue that courts should consider the new living arrangements of the parents, as well as the effect upon the children of the parent's separation. But these arguments are not consistent with how life sometimes unfolds. Life often requires transitions, and sometimes those transitions are abrupt. People, including children, often have to deal with changes in life that occur without advance warning. Changes in health, financial situations, even natural disasters occur which can precipitate changes in living arrangements. While no one wants to endure these situations, we do not have government run in and mandate whether the living arrangements are in the best interests of children unless there is abuse or neglect.

Consider the hypothetical situation where one parent passes away. The surviving parent may not have been as involved with the children prior to that occurrence as he or she was before that occurrence. However, we don't send anyone into the home of the surviving parent to determine whether it is in the children's best interest to remain in the custody of that parent. We don't second guess that parent's caretaking arrangements that may then have to be made to allow that parent to continue working to support those children. Similarly, we shouldn't be requiring the divorced or separated parent to invoke the legal system to gain those rights to the children that he or she would have had in the event the other parent had predeceased him or her.

If the law presumed that any parent who wanted an equal timesharing arrangement was entitled to it, it would place the burden on the other parent to make a convincing case that there was a real reason to deviate from this custody arrangement. That would significantly change the dynamics of custody litigation and it would discourage certain individuals from engaging in custody litigation that serves no purpose other than to cause unnecessary expense, depletion of family resources, and significant unnecessary stress on the children and the other parent. This presumption would be consistent with the no-fault divorce concept, and it would reduce the amount of custody litigation taking place. It is an idea whose time is long overdue.

 

Follow Fred Silberberg on Twitter: www.twitter.com/fredsilberberg

FOLLOW DIVORCE
 
 
  • Comments
  • 89
  • Pending Comments
  • 0
  • View FAQ
Comments are closed for this entry
View All
Favorites
Recency  | 
Popularity
Page: 1 2  Next ›  Last »  (2 total)
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
MissTake1989
Equal means equal, hypocrites.
09:16 AM on 08/07/2012
Only a modern feminist would oppose "equal custody" laws.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
MissTake1989
Equal means equal, hypocrites.
07:56 AM on 08/07/2012
Anyone who understand and cares about equal supports the concept of "equal custody".

So, of course, most modern feminists oppose it.
12:49 PM on 07/30/2012
Every situation is so vastly different, it's impossible to say equal custody is the best way to go for everyone. Anytime either parent has a doubt of their ability to parent because of drugs, or questionable lifestyle, or abuse from their new boyfriend or girlfriend, you have to have a good attorney and evidence to bring with you to court to prove they're not fit to be in sole custody. Otherwise, the courts will side with what we've all seen historically. I've personally shown in hundreds of custody cases evidence that has helped courts make very quick decisions as to the best person to have sole custody of the child. It's always about what is best for the child, and sadly, some of the evidence I find is so horrible, but necessary to help the child. I wish their were more systems in place to educate parents after a divorce about what's healthiest for their children and them. #MCMInvestigations
06:37 PM on 07/29/2012
The rules are set up in Florida to support the author's point, equal custody. This does work well except in cases of mental illness. My friend has two sons who are mentally handicaped and a drug addict exhusband. He is 100% disabled and now has joint custody and receives child support. With the state tilted towards joint custody, my friend did not stand a chance. I've advised her to watch her ex and catch him when he is high, then get the state involved.

Mental illness cancels out the fairness. People without scrupples and morals will do and say anything to beat the other spouse. I would advise the author to look to see how Florida's law is working. I divorced my crazy ex-wife and retained 50% custody. She got a full time job the day after we settled the child support.

Thanks for your article.
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Atlantean67
05:43 PM on 08/10/2012
Sounds good. Even from the "hanging Chad State".
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
02:53 PM on 07/29/2012
I can see some of the author's points, but as one who works with children I don't agree entirely. Kids are most comfortable going "home" after school, not to "Dad's house" or "Mom's house." They should have one place where they keep all the stuff that matters to them, and not have to schlep it back and forth. It's in the child's best interest to have one home with both parents participating actively, even if one parent has to travel to and fro to make that happen.
08:05 AM on 07/23/2012
How about eliminating out of wedlock child support? That would put an end to much of this.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
trthsetsfree2
08:23 AM on 07/20/2012
I am surprised this comment was written without mention of Shared Parenting Legislation proposed by the ACFC and other Dad's rights organizations. Read more at www.acfc.org.
12:50 PM on 07/14/2012
I agree that equal or joint custody will always be the best for the children. The parents should consider compromising to make the kid's life stable and happy. http://womensdivorcelawreview.com
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
09:33 AM on 07/26/2012
Always? Perhaps most of the time it is what is best for the children, but all of the time is unrealistic and can put children in danger.
01:42 PM on 07/11/2012
I think that equal custody should be the norm, but with some strong caveats -- such as that both parents have to live in the same school district, etc.

I also think that perhaps a productive way of doing it is for the kids to live primarily with their mom when little-- say til age 10 and then with their fathers after that. I think this is good for them psychologically and from what I've seen is a common occurence in many divorced families. It's also fair to everyone involved and is stable.
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
10:34 AM on 07/13/2012
Absolutely. Don't complain about not getting custody if you travel 50% of the time on business and live five miles away. Won't cut it.
11:39 AM on 07/24/2012
Weak argument. The other parent has the right to make a living. traveling 50% still leaves 50% at home. And 5miles away is not an issue at all. It's just far enough away to be accessible but yet not have your lives intersect. A good parent can make that work out.
11:37 AM on 07/24/2012
I have to disagree. IMO as long as the child is not still nursing then there's no reason not to have shared custody.
01:59 AM on 07/11/2012
It is always incredibly refreshing to see such logical reasoning and natural progression folded into an op-ed. This was such a clean, even-toned, persuasive article. I appreciate, I appreciate.

Fred Silberberg, will you be taking internship applications for next summer?
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
MissTake1989
Equal means equal, hypocrites.
06:28 AM on 07/09/2012
Feminists...the self appointed equality police...actively work AGAINST equal custody.

Why?

Because modern feminism is a self interested union, not a movement for equality.

The courts and police enforce child support orders but not visitation rights....that's all you need to know about our sexist society.
Morrisfactor
Just a little bent
06:16 PM on 07/21/2012
Yes, the N.O.W. is very much against shared parenting - it's right there on their website.
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Atlantean67
05:46 PM on 08/10/2012
When men can do what women do, then get back to me.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
MissTake1989
Equal means equal, hypocrites.
11:26 PM on 08/11/2012
Pathetic answer.
Chigirl60
You Get What You Tolerate
07:33 PM on 07/07/2012
Arguments like this always remind me of Solomon's logic in splitting the baby. Adults should live with the consequences of their choices and actions and not dump the difficulties onto their children. "Equal custody" should mean one home for the children and the divorced parents work their lives around that.
photo
merlin57
Hey hey my my...out of the blue and into the black
02:35 PM on 07/10/2012
My daughter is proof positive that a true 50/50 joint custodial arrangement works. Kids figure it out.
Chigirl60
You Get What You Tolerate
06:04 PM on 07/10/2012
I'm glad it worked out for your family, but a study of one is just that.
steveinohio
A small businessman in Ohio doing the best he can
05:04 PM on 07/10/2012
This argument presumes that a child is better off living exclusively in one home than having both parents actively involved. The divorce was the difficulty, and it was dumped on the child the moment the papers were served. I think having an active relationship with both parents will trump the difficulty of having a mom's house and dad's house.
Chigirl60
You Get What You Tolerate
06:07 PM on 07/10/2012
Both parents being actively involved and the children in one home are not mutually exclusive concepts.
11:52 AM on 07/24/2012
Each situation is different. My daughter enjoys the time away from her mother. My rules are different and I feel allow her to grow and to have proper experiences for her age. Her mother, not so much.
01:54 PM on 07/07/2012
Sure, just split their time equally. Like a pet. It doesn't matter if it disrupts the children's lives. As long as it works for the parents! It is a burden on a child to be continually shuffled back and forth.
Chigirl60
You Get What You Tolerate
07:33 PM on 07/07/2012
I wouldn't do that to my dog.
08:55 PM on 07/08/2012
And we certainly can't take away the payday for Moms either!
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
05:27 PM on 07/09/2012
Divorce also disrupts children's lives. Are you calling for the abolition of divorce? If not, then you have to accept that yes, you are disrupting the child's life for the betterment of your own. With that in mind, is it more burdensome to the child to be back and forth than to lose the majority of their time with one parent? I am quite sure the answer depends on if you have the child more than the other parent.
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
08:35 PM on 07/06/2012
Thank you for adding your voice to those calling for equal custody as the norm. Unfortunately it may be awhile before it becomes the law of the land. While a modest increase in custody time was approved by both houses in Minnesota, the governor bowed to divorce industry lobbyists, and vetoed a bill that would have increased the minimum time children spend with each parent from 25% to 35%.

http://www.startribune.com/politics/statelocal/153865075.html

Oregon also promoted equal custody in 1997. Following the change in law, while the number of abuse allegation­s was unchanged, false accusation­s doubled. A proxy for a false accusation is defined as one in which a claim is made but no court order issued.

There was also a difference in the qualitativ­e nature of the claims. The number of single-tim­e claims increased compared with multiple claims. Women filed 80-90% of all claims. "Interesti­ngly, false abuse claims by wives declined mostly because the plaintiff failed to appear at court, while most false claims by husbands are declined for lack of evidence."
http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=820104
07:12 PM on 07/06/2012
I'm not convinced that it is in the best interests of children for their parents to have equal custody. Many kids would like to be able to live in just one place most of the week.

And in most families, the parents are not spending equal amounts of time caring for the children before the divorce. Why would changing that when you're in the middle of a traumatic adjustment be good?
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
05:33 PM on 07/09/2012
If you want things to stay the same as they were before the divorce, then don't divorce. You are already changing things for the kids, a parenting plan that worked while you were married doesn't necessarily work when you are divorced.

You may not be convinced that it is the best interest of the children to have both parents with equal time, but you've got no evidence to the contrary either. Many kids don't want their parents to get divorced at all, what's at issue here is the best outcome in a bad situation.
01:59 PM on 07/11/2012
I don't know anything about studies in this area, but I think Wallerstein wrote about how some kids found it to move back and forth between houses. Just from knowing how kids are, I think it would be crazy to have to haul your homework between two places and have friends in two places, etc.
It would of course be best for the kids it their parents could work things out. But if there is a divorce, I think it's easier on the kids to not make a lot of big changes right away. Stay in the same home, go to the same school, have the same routines, don't have caregiver parent rush to a full-time paid job. This isn't always possible for economic reasons, but i think it is what would be best for the kids.
steveinohio
A small businessman in Ohio doing the best he can
05:07 PM on 07/10/2012
I'm not sure I understand the logic that says you forfeit your rights as a parent in divorce if your division of labor during marriage skewed less toward child care and more toward other responsibilities.
02:02 PM on 07/11/2012
I think if you want what's best for your child, you'll want them to be able to have some continuity and stay with the person who has been doing the actual care. I don't think your rights as a parent should mean doing something that is not the best thing for the child just because it is more fair to you. Seriously, yes, if you want to have custody of your child in case of a divorce, do half the child care and cut back at work.