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49 Percent of Americans Support the Majority Opinion: The Sociology of Obamacare Poll Numbers

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According to the latest polls, more Americans oppose Obamacare than oppose the Affordable Care Act. Obamacare and the Affordable Care Act are the same thing. Nevertheless, I can understand the sentiment behind public opinion. I want affordable care. But I don't want President Obama himself to examine me. A rectal exam is already so awkward. But to do it in a room full of secret service agents? Now that is an embarrassing situation (...especially since I only came in to have this sprained ankle looked at).

Oh, it's possible that Americans just don't recognize that Obamacare and the Affordable Care Act are the same thing. And these polling numbers reflect our nation's ignorant stupidity. But, no, I like to believe in the reality of semantics. I mean, if you ask people if they would prefer marriage to "signing a legal document that leads to tedious perfunctory sex, night after night, with the same boring person for the rest of your miserable life until you die," I predict most people would say 'yes', even though we know the two choices are the same. (Well, I should say "almost the same". They're different in the sense that once you're married, you stop having sex.)

Obamacare polling numbers are meaningless because they are a statistical manipulation, based on the wording of the questions.

In reality, about 50 percent of Americans approve of Obama. And I estimate about 85 percent of Americans support affordable care. Let's figure 1 percent of Americans are suicidal... eh, maybe 3 percent now that Christina Aguilera is back on The Voice. So those people don't want health care. Another 5 percent of Americans oppose anything that's affordable, which explains why Abercrombie & Fitch is still in business. Another 9 or 10 percent of Americans are just mean jerks. And another 1 American is Senator Ted Cruz. Everyone else thinks that health care is good. So there's your 85 percent.

We're a divided country. You can ask a sample of Americans, "Which do you prefer, Obamacare or the Affordable Care Act?" The survey results will be about the same as if you ask that same group of people, "Which do you prefer, Obama or the Affordable Care Act?" And those results will be about the same as, "Which do you prefer, the Affordable Care Act or that Obama was born in Kenya?"

I get it. Some Americans don't like the president.

But take Barack Obama out of the equation for a few moments. And here's your new polling question...

Do you support a system that lowers health care costs?

Or...

Do you support a move to reform the profit-motivated mess that our health care system has become?

Or...

Do you think we should change our current health care system in which, for example, a CAT scan can cost thousands of dollars, even though the objective cost, in terms of the electricity it requires to operate, doesn't cost more than a few bucks? (note: CAT scan is an acronym for "computed axial tomography". There. You just learned something. You're welcome.)

Or...

Do you think there is something morally wrong with our current health care system in which children of wealthy parents have access to better health care than children of poor parents?

See? 85 percent. Okay -- I'll give you that last question is a bit manipulative, but at least there's truth to it. But to scare elderly people by telling them that the new health care bill includes "death panels" is not just manipulative, it's a lie. (I mean, they're not really "panels". They're more like comfortable relaxation facilities, where senior citizens are humanely euthanized and then processed into food.) Lies lead to faulty poll numbers.

Survey research is only as good as the clarity of the questions and an accurate interpretation of the answers. Americans aren't really being asked "Do you support Obamacare?" Rather, they're being asked if they support their interpretation of Obamacare... based on what they've heard on FOX News, what they've read on Facebook posts, and what they think they remember that friend-of-a-friend-who-sort-of-seemed-to-know-what-he-was-talking-about say when they got together with a bunch of people at the bar a few weeks ago. Man, did we get wasted that night. I blacked out. What- that's who I made out with?! Damn, so that's why she has been giving me angry looks at work.

Part of the inaccurate polling data results stem from the fear that Obamacare is too "complicated," which itself is a manipulative use of wording. I mean -- what's wrong with being "complicated"? Isn't that why people liked Lost? But we're continuously being told that "complicated" is bad. Here's Missouri Tea Party Congressman Blaine Luetkemeyer's website: "At the end of the day, Obamacare is too big, complex, and much too costly. I have voted 40 times to repeal, defund, and dismantle it."

1. If Obamacare was very small -- but still complex -- would Luetkemeyer still oppose it? So then isn't he being redundant with his words, in order to stimulate an emotional response? Luetkemeyer could write "Obamacare is too complex and too costly." Or he could write "Obamacare is too big, too complex, too intricate, too elaborate, too byzantine, and too costly." The extra words in the second sentence don't add anything to its meaning... but doesn't 'byzantine' make the law sound worse? Words are useful... as is my thesaurus.

2. To vote 40 times to repeal, defund, and dismantle a law sounds very costly. No?

3. I kind of like saying "Luetkemeyer". Luetkemeyer. Say it out loud, over and over. Luetkemeyer, Luetkemeyer, Luetkemeyer. It has a rhythm to it. Sounds kind of like the bass line to an R&B song.

You know what you never hear smart people say? "I oppose something because it's complex."

Nevertheless, as a general rule, Americans fear "complicated". Now, Americans like the idea of "health care for all." It's an idea that makes sense. Police protection for all. Roads for all. That's not socialism; that's just humanity. I'm telling you -- 85 percent. But complicated is scary. And "complicated" has tainted Obamacare polling results.

Most people haven't read the entire Affordable Care Act law. I don't actually have the polling data, but I'm assuming most people haven't fully read the entire Affordable Care Act law. Critics argue that Americans aren't reading the entire law because it's complicated and big. But that's not the reason. Let's face it -- most people can't even get through the "How to Prevent STDs" pamphlet that's in the doctor's waiting room... and that's not a lot of reading... and it's not so complicated... just wear a condom and/or stay away from Charlie Sheen. No, the reason that it's hard to get through the entire law is because it's boring.

Okay. I'm diving in. I'm going into the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services website. I'm going to look at the full law. (Seriously. I am.) Now I'm picking a page number at random... 1930, coincidentally the same year actor Don Johnson was born. So this page is part of Title VIII, which refers to community living assistance services. I'm reading. Okay. So page 1930 seems to involve a provision system to ensure that the costs are accurate. Now I'm reading the page a second time. (Seriously. I am.) Now I'm an expert on page 1930 of Title VIII of the Affordable Care Act.

My learned, well-informed opinion of page 1930? Boring. But not so complicated. Luetkemeyer. Luetkemeyer. Luetkemeyer.

Now ask Americans, "Would you support a not-so-complicated law that provides affordable health care to more Americans even though the law is a bit boring?" 85 percent.

Now ask Americans, "Would you support a not-so-complicated-but-boring law that seeks to cut the long-ignored financial health care costs that have burdened the nation's economy?" 87 percent. I'm thinking even some of the mean jerks would get behind this law.

Now ask Americans, "Would you support President Obama's not-so-complicated-but-boring law that seeks to cut the long-ignored financial health care costs that have burdened the nation's economy?" The number goes back down to around 50 percent.

Some polls suggest that a percentage of Americans don't even want affordable health care for themselves. Hence, Obamacare is unfair. I would ask, "Where are these surveys being conducted? In a shopping mall, or in a hospital emergency room?" Survey research is meaningless without context. Ask people, "Would you like to be inside a protective shark cage right now at this moment?" Well, the results will be different depending on the scenario? Are you asking people who are at their desk watching Internet porn? (like you are doing right now -- be honest) Or are you asking people who are stranded in the ocean, surrounded by sharks? See the difference? People want affordable health care. They might not want it right now at this moment... because right now at this moment they're healthy. I mean -- who wants to go to the doctor when they're well? Heck, if I'm feeling healthy, I don't want my nude body being examined and poked and prodded... unless I'm on stage. But ask those people who say they don't want health insurance, "If you break your leg, and your hospital bills cost thousands of dollars, would you want to have health insurance?" Suddenly, Obamacare becomes fairer.

Americans want affordable health care coverage. When asked about Obamacare, some people don't think the law goes far enough. And some people are frightened by the numbers, the rumors, the myths. And some people just don't like the president. And some people are just scared of change. The poll numbers are deceptive. But Americans do want affordable health care coverage. And Americans do want health care coverage for their family members and their friends. And Americans do believe that the good, decent, productive, valuable people that they pass by on the street every day deserve the security of knowing that sickness doesn't mean personal financial doom. This is what Americans believe. But don't take my word for it; check out the polls. Luetkemeyer. Luetkemeyer. Luetkemeyer.

Ignoring the wishes of the American electorate, Senator Ted Cruz stood on the Senate floor for over 21 hours in a self-absorbed attempt to defund the Affordable Care Act law. He didn't urinate for over 21 hours. That can't be good for your health. Just sayin'.