Hillary and Bernie Have Coffee

Hillary was already seated at a small corner table when Bernie arrived.

"Ah, you got us coffee," Bernie said, taking a seat. "Great."

"Cream?" offered Hillary.

"No thank you. I see that as exploitation of the cow."

"Really?" said Hillary.

"No. Nobody's that liberal. C'mon."

Bernie drank his coffee in big gulps. Hillary blew on hers, took a small sip, blew on it, and took another sip.

"It'll take you forever to finish it that way," Bernie pointed out.

"Maybe," Hillary replied, "but I'm less likely to burn my mouth, or spill."

"We better be talking in metaphors here," said Bernie, "or we're wasting a lot of time."

"You're right," Hillary replied. "Let's get down to it. "Bernie, the reason I asked you to meet me--"

"Don't say the word," Bernie interrupted. "Please, don't say the word."

Hillary continued, "My advisors say it's time for me to--"

"You're going to say it. I knew you'd say it."

"--to make the pivot to the general election."

Bernie winced at the word "pivot."

"Sorry," said Hillary.

"I thought you already pivoted," Bernie said.

"Partial pivot," Hillary explained. "I need to make a complete pivot."

"Everyone's pivoting but me," Bernie crabbed. "Even that jerk Trump got to pivot after Indiana."

"Exactly. And that's created a "pivot gap" between him and me."

"Boo hoo," said Bernie, without a lot of sincerity.

"I know how you feel," Hillary replied. "Four years ago, I had to watch Obama pivot. There's nothing more painful."

"Yeah, but at least you got to pivot four years later," Bernie replied, not placated. "I'm 147 years old. What are my chances?"

"Bernie, you should be proud," Hillary said. "You've run a magnificent campaign. You've started a movement. Your message is resonating with young people all over this country."

"What is it you want?" Bernie asked.

"Once I've secured the necessary delegates," Hillary replied, "I'm hoping you'll drop out and not take the fight to the convention. And then I'm counting on you to campaign with me and rally all your supporters to vote for us in November."

"That won't be easy. They really don't like you," he said, enjoying himself for the first time since he sat down.

"But you can bring them around," she replied, biting her tongue. "Will you think about it?"

"Yes, I'll think about it," he said with a sigh.

There was a moment of silence, then Bernie said bittersweetly, "I really thought we had a chance. I don't know where I went wrong. Did I misread America? Is this country not crying out to be led by an elderly, cranky, Jewish socialist with extravagant hand gestures?"

Bernie looked at his watch. "I've got to go," he said, rising. "I have a rally in a half hour. I'll take this," he said, reaching for the check.

"Absolutely not," said Hillary, grabbing it.

"All right," Bernie said. "But leave the waitress a really big tip. Looks like she'll be paying for her own college education."

Bernie walked out the door, and Hillary began to pivot...partially.