NOTE: In mid-March, when I wrote the piece below, I was pretty happy with it. Then, on April 9, the Boston Globe did an entire mock front page based on the identical premise. My poor little piece was dead in the water, consigned to some lonely space on my hard drive, there to lead a life of what might have been, and periodically subjected to defragmentation. But then, like a bolt out of the blue, along comes the Huffington Post and this blog. And my piece lives! I offer it to you as my first posting.
HEADLINES FROM THE TRUMP PRESIDENCY
January 20, 2017
President Trump takes oath of office, hand on "The Art of the Deal"
January 21, 2017
Trump sits down with Senate and House leaders who explain how a bill becomes law; Trump calls process "stupid" and Founding Fathers "dopes"
February 9, 2017
President attends summit in Costa Rica, likes country, buys it
February 14, 2017
Trump repeals Obamacare; 20 million lose insurance; Unmoved president says, "I like people who have insurance, okay?"
March 1, 2017
Trump nominates Dr. Ben Carson for Secretary of Education, payback for endorsement
March 2, 2017
Trump abolishes Department of Education; Carson says, "I think he played me"
April 19, 2017
Trade wars with China and Mexico cause huge spike in cost of consumer goods; Economy slowing; President says, "It's called 'winning'"
May 4, 2017
Press cries foul! Trump bans all reporters who ask "hard" questions; CNN news team unaffected
July 22, 2017
Attorney General Chris Christie defends putting molten lava in shorts of suspected terrorist; Claims it led to location of bomb -- a place called "Ow!"
August 29, 2017
Ted Cruz so disliked can't find partner for Senate three-legged race
November 24, 2017
Irritated by disruptions at his speeches, Trump declares all future protesters will be incarcerated indefinitely "or worse"; Senate and House leaders give president emergency tutorial on checks and balances, limits of executive power; Trump calls framers "low energy" and "soft," says he could have negotiated a much better Constitution
December 24, 2017
In fit of pique, Trump starts trade war with Monaco; Price of baccarat pallets skyrockets
January 29, 2018
Justice Ginsburg doesn't applaud at State of the Union; Trump shouts, "Get her out of here!"
February 24. 2018
Economy officially in recession; President says it isn't
March 14, 2018
Trump floats idea of continuing wall around entire nation; Says half the cost will be paid by Mexico and Canada, the other half by the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans; Aides privately express concern about president's mental health
March 20, 2018
Trump, Putin, Kim Jong-un, calling themselves "The Authoritarians," release rap song for charity
April 4, 2018
Trump comes up with new health care plan off the top of his head; Experts dubious; Relies heavily on leeches and probiotics
April 9, 2018
U.S. on verge of bankruptcy; President says, "Not to worry. Nobody knows more about bankruptcy than me"
April 22, 2018
Trump rushed to hospital; Jaw temporarily stuck in "Mussolini chin thrust"
April 29, 2018
Rubio's, the former senator's bar and restaurant, goes belly up; Blames Obama
May 7, 2018
More than a million peacefully march on Washington in Anti-Trump Protest; President calls them "big dudes" and "thugs"; Longs for "good old days of Tiananmen Square"
May 10, 2018
Eyebrows raised when President Trump updates Facebook status to "Leader for Life"
May 14, 2018
Charity money raised by The Authoritarians winds up in private Putin account; Trump defends "strong leader"
June 9, 2018
Trump goes on mystery vacation, returns with what appear to be larger hands
June 17, 2018
Trump looking to demonize new minority to deflect growing anger at administration; Short list includes albinos, tweens, and the nearsighted
June 22, 2018
Mexico's check for wall bounces
August 11, 2018
Trump impeached; Threatens to countersue
September 29, 2018
At Senate trial, Trump denies ever saying he'd make America great again
October 4, 2018
Ex-President Trump leaves White House in helicopter, nation cries, "Get him out of here!"